


The Lullaby of The Burning Boy

by bloody_wings_and_arrows



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-01-25 02:38:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 76,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12521076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloody_wings_and_arrows/pseuds/bloody_wings_and_arrows
Summary: I've decided to write the better ending for this Nick/Troy relationship, better for me at least and for these who are not okay with Troy's death. I doubt that they are going to bring Troy back but I'm writing this fic because I wasn't satisfied with the season finale. My story is going to end differently, the way I wished for it to end.There will be several chapters and I'll try to upload regularly. (Again, sorry for possible mistakes).Enjoy!





	1. The Burning Boy

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to write the better ending for this Nick/Troy relationship, better for me at least and for these who are not okay with Troy's death. I doubt that they are going to bring Troy back but I'm writing this fic because I wasn't satisfied with the season finale. My story is going to end differently, the way I wished for it to end.  
> There will be several chapters and I'll try to upload regularly. (Again, sorry for possible mistakes).  
> Enjoy!

This was going to be the last one, the last drink for now. He was already dizzy and relaxed enough but he wasn’t drunk or something. He smiled to himself, wrapping his fingers around the tiny glass cup. As if someone was going to stop him and check on him if he was drunk or not. Nobody really cared how much he was drinking especially now, when his mother was gone from that place. And also the apocalypse and shit, not that there were police anywhere to stop him and order to walk in the straight line.

He promised he would be back to her in few days and she was giving him that look, Nick could easily figure out that his mom felt the change in him. Not only the drug part but maybe something else as well, something more important and scary enough for Madison to say out loud. So the look she gave him - judging, the blond woman speaking to his son without words, telling him that she wasn’t responsible for his actions anymore if he would do that. He did that, he left her again and the best part was that he was feeling satisfaction, like some hard rock left his chest he never considered was there. Nick knew his mother too well to predict her reaction but he didn’t care. He was staying here, a place full of weirdos selling and buying stuff in the zombie apocalypse.

Troy was also there. He stayed as well.

"Oh, come on, you gotta be kidding me, Nick!"

Nick lazily moved his head, hearing the familiar voice and he found Troy looking at him with wide eyes. He knew what was coming next and he awaited with a tiny smile on his lips.

"It’s only… What-what time is it?" – Troy murmured lifting his jacket sleeve up, looking at his watch.

"It’s never too early to drink, you know" – Nick answered finishing his last drink, taking a shot and shaking his head slightly. He was feeling Troy’s gaze burning him.

"Get your ass off that chair, Nick" – Troy said, never giving up, still standing there right beside the younger boy, watching with annoyed look on his tired face. He hadn’t get much sleep last night because of that pills and whatever Nick offered him later. This whole shit was scary and Nick could feel his fear right there in the middle of the horde. He hugged him then by the way. It was like Nick could still feel his hands wrapped around him, fingers caressing his bloody face and his sweaty, messy hair. The younger boy looked up at Troy, checking on him with intense glance.  

They both were exhausted and still not in the right state of mind after the last night but Nick wasn’t going to stop. He was just getting started. He even got a job in there. He was offered to hunt walkers and collect their brains for good use. Of course this wasn’t what he imagined he would rather do when he was a kid but it was a quite good job considering the apocalypse and shit. And Nick said yes, grinning at the man in front of him, who smiled back and explained what he was asked to do in details. His English was funny but he sounded serious, so Nick just shook that man’s hand politely and way too much enthusiastically. He’d got a job and he was going to start today, what more could he wish for?

"Oh, fine. To hell with you, drink and die."

Troy turned around, sounding like some upset little kid and Nick couldn’t stop himself from chuckling.

"You need me because you don’t know Spanish, that’s the case right?"

Troy turned his whole body again, looking down at the younger boy with furrowed brows, taking his time to work on that angry face expression.

"You’re wrong," – He denied – "I don’t need you for that, I know _enough_ to let them understand if I need anything."

The older boy sounded almost hurt and Nick’s grin widened.

"Alright smartass, just one more drink and I’ll get you something to eat" – Nick answered turning around on his chair again but Troy grabbed on his shoulder, pulling him with force.

Nick groaned in surprise and almost lost his balance but the taller guy was holding him tight so he didn’t fall. He was standing on his feet now, _not_ drunk like he said. Nick had no mood and no strength to argue or fight with Troy though, so he just obeyed. Now that he was saying goodbye to alcohol until tonight, he just accepted the fact that Troy could have been right. He really needed the break and he was hungry as well. And when was the last time he’d eaten, Nick wondered, his thoughts immediately distracted by someone crashing at him, hurting his shoulder without even apologizing. Nick staggered and caught Troy’s gaze, the older boy checking on him with furrowed brows.

" _man_ , you’re annoying," – Nick murmured and smiled like stupid, enjoying the other boy’s strained expression more and more – "you were fun last night though. Gonna get more of that amazing magic shit at my new job for you today."

Troy looked back at him and rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly, silently making sure that Nick was on his feet and wasn’t going to fall on his ass.

"You’re acting like a child" – he whispered, throwing the annoyed look at the other boy who was now walking next to him.

Nick chuckled at that, remaining silent afterwards until they reached the spot where they were going to eat some weird stuff Troy couldn’t repeat the name of.

 

 

"So what’s the name of the game?" - Troy asked quietly, moving his glance to the old concrete wall.

There were four walls around them, four gray and cold walls, two ‘’beds’’ (more specifically just sheets, gray blankets and two pillows right on the floor) and that was pretty much all of their room. Funny, the room didn’t even have the door. Troy must have been cursing himself silently, missing the ranch again.

"Oh, we’re gonna play ‘'Never have I ever'’" – Nick answered looking strangely excited about this whole thing.

"And what are the rules, again?"

Nick raised his brow, looking at the other guy like he was not sure if Troy was kidding or being serious.

"Seriously? You’ve never played this game before?" – He asked and reached for one of the bottles never taking his eyes off Troy.

Suddenly Troy seemed confused and unsure.

"Why, is it some kind of…"

"Everyone knows this game, Troy. Have you never played it as a teenager?" – Nick interrupted and stared at him with wide eyes now.

"Well, I…" – Troy swallowed, avoiding Nick’s eyes and staring down at his own hands – "I never went to college and I – hm, I was raised at the ranch, so as a teenager I usually had no time for that kind of stuff."

Nick felt down suddenly. He was aware that Troy got kicked out of school and he regretted starting this conversation at all. Nick felt his heart pressing painfully against his throat while the image of Troy crossed his mind – a loner without real friends or family to support and love him. He knew where this feeling of uneasiness came from and this feeling was so familiar to him as well. He felt guilty and suddenly he wanted to get high again.

"You know what? It’s a stupid game anyway, we don’t have to play, we’ll _just_ drink" – Nick said finally, as soon as he managed to swallow painfully.

"But I want to play" – Troy said quickly, almost innocently, sounding like a little kid again and Nick just stared at him, not sure how to react - "I mean- uh, sounds like a fun game and we don’t have anything else to do, so…"

The older boy turned his face to the wall again, searching for some reason to look away from Nick. Suddenly he felt uncomfortable and confused, ready to get up and run away from there, but then he heard Nick’s approving chuckle. The younger boy got up quickly and moved towards him, holding two bottles of alcohol. He sat himself on Troy’s bed right next to the boy, their backs facing the cold wall.

"Alright, let’s do this!" – Nick said smiling and reached his hand to offer Troy one of the bottles – "the rules are simple: We both take our turns, you say something you’ve done and if you have really done it- you drink. If you haven’t done it– you don’t drink."

Troy grabbed the bottle, listening to the blond boy with sincere curiosity.

"Something like what? What should I say?" – Troy asked. He seemed baffled. Nick thought he looked really childish and cute when Troy had that expression on his face. The younger boy was hardly even managing to hold his smile.

"Whatever, man, whatever." – Nick shook his head and shrugged.

"And what if I lie about doing or not doing something?"

"You can’t lie, Troy, that’s the whole idea."

Troy opened his mouth to object, looking truly confused and a little surprised.

"Well, this  _sure_ is a stupid game, Nicky" – He said finally and Nick laughed this time.

Troy smiled too, opening the bottle and tasting the liquid. Nick eyed him silently, taking his time to watch how his Adam’s apple moved while he took another gulp. The smaller boy held his breath for a second, not sure why he did so. Troy’s skin looked clean and soft, blond beard covering his jaw, little brown birthmarks near his check and under his ear. Nick swallowed hard, returning his gaze back to his bottle, an uncontrollable desire to get drunk again overtaking his whole body.

"I have never been to a prom" – Nick heard himself say.

Troy choked suddenly, coughing and putting the bottle away, then cleaning his now wet jaw with the back of his hand.

"What a way to start this shitty game, huh. Prom, really?"

Nick smiled back at him.

"I didn’t drink, you asshole! And we got to start this game somehow, right?"

"Whatever" – Troy rolled his eyes, annoyed.

"Your turn."

The older boy sighed and looked at the ceiling, playing with his beard nervously with long thin fingers. Nick wanted to drink so much, it hurt and he wished for him to just quickly come up with something, anything.

Well, fuck this, Nick was going to drink, nevermind this stupid game and Troy as well. So he lifted the bottle up and to his lips, only to be interrupted by the other boy’s harsh voice.

"You’re breaking the rules, Nicky. Don’t be an alcoholic."

Nick exhaled putting the bottle away from his mouth.

"Alright but just say something, anything will be good, I promise" – Nick almost begged, assuring him.

Troy inhaled deeply and returned his gaze from the ceiling back to Nick again, who waited patiently sitting next to the older boy.

"Yeah, I got one," – Troy started, a little smile appearing on his lips, -"I have never been to jail."

Nick closed his eyes for a second, not willing to say something that would hurt the other boy in some way. Troy was thinking this whole time, taking forever only to say _that_? Unbelievable, Troy Otto was surprising him sometimes. He didn’t drink though, instead he stared at Nick with those big blue eyes, awaiting for his reaction.

Nick took a sip of whatever they were drinking there, he actually wasn’t sure anymore. Not after he saw all these new drugs in this new world. And he was surprised how much humans can actually take. No matter what, people can find a way to survive anything: loss of their loved ones, hunger, thirst, pain, fire and…even death? And Nick was guessing that it was a good and a bad think at the same time. But no, not death actually, these cockroaches were not able to defeat death this time, they were dying and returning to life and dying again, rotting and bleeding knowing their helplessness, feeling their decay, embracing their defeat.

There was a zombie apocalypse out there and Nick was sitting here, away from his family, with Troy Otto and a new _job_. Nick was going to drink and then get high again, and he wasn’t going to think about all of this shit for sure.

"Wow."

"What?"

Troy seemed to search for a proper answer but Nick didn’t let him.

"I was an addict," – He breathed out almost sure that Troy knew that already – "I’ve had some hard times. And don’t forget the hospital, which was the _only_ place I was visiting regularly. It was like home but without anyone waiting there for me. Except these white people all around me of course."

Nick could feel Troy’s intense glance but he wasn’t going to face him now.

"My turn" – Nick said then, playing with the bottle in his hands, still avoiding the other boy’s eyes – "I have never done anything so terrifying that the only way to not kill myself was to totally forget about it. You know, like it never happened at all, like some evil mysterious force was controlling my body and mind."

Nick moved his hand again, drinking from the bottle full of disgusting liquid that burned his insides. He looked at Troy then, finding some kind of sorrow and even shame in his big blue eyes. Nick couldn’t be mistaken, Troy knew that feeling as well. He hung his head, taking a sip of old whiskey or vodka, he wasn’t sure – this was the second time he was drinking in his life. And if not Nick, he wouldn’t want to drink at all, considering the memory of his chronically drunk parents. However he didn’t enjoy the taste so much, he was finding something in it, doing it with Nick felt kind of right.

"You know," – suddenly Nick reached for his jacket pocket, searching for something and then opening his fist with four white pills on his palm – "I still have these left from yesterday, I can share them with you."

Troy tensed and startled but he tried to hide his reaction from Nick, who was sitting right next to him, his shoulder slightly touching the other boy’s.

"But we have alcohol, maybe... maybe it’s enough for tonight. You can keep these for later" – Troy said and Nick eyed him suspiciously.

"You’re a pussy," – Nick said with a smirk – "even though you seem like a tough guy."

"Oh, come on now" – Troy huffed and furrowed his brows.

Nick laughed louder and put these pills back into his pocket.

"Tomorrow’s the second day of my new job, you know. I can’t be late," – Nick started, that little smile still lingering on his face – "so maybe you’re right, we’ll keep them for later."

Troy shook his head, annoyed look on his face. He reached for the bottle again without a word.

"Let’s just drink a little more and go to sleep. Don’t worry, I’m gonna set an alarm for you" – The older boy joked and they continued drinking, not playing the game anymore but simply talking about nothing important in general.

Nick was very soon lying on his bed, old gray blankets wrapped around his body. At the other end of the small room, maybe two meters away from him was the other bed. Troy was facing the wall, his clothes accurately placed next to the blanket hill that was his bed for now. Nick was pretty sure he was asleep already, his steady breathing echoing in the room, mixing with the other sounds coming from outside. They hadn't drunk too much, their bottles were still half full and Nick was sober. He couldn’t go to sleep and his head was a total mess, unpleasant and unwanted thoughts and ideas attacking him. Nick wished he had some magic pills to help him forget about everything that was hurting his soul so much. However He doubted these kind of pills existed at all, no matter what, it doesn’t go away when you are sober again. These thoughts and memories stay with you until you die and no pills can make them disappear, no alcohol can wash them away. Nick moved under the sheets, lying on his right side now, gazing at the other end of the room. Troy was breathing peacefully, only his head visible, his whole body resting under those gray blankets. The Bazaar was noisy as always, even at nights but Nick tried his best to concentrate on the sound of Troy’s breathing instead, closing his eyes and listening, slowly drifting off to sleep.

 

 


	2. The Way

It turned out that this new job was not hard at all, especially for Nick, who was really good at killing walkers considering his rich experience. After leaving the Bazaar and putting his bloody ‘’make-up’’ on, he started to hunt the dead first thing in the morning. Using his skills, Nick found it easier than he imagined it would be to make his work done. He needed dead people’s heads only, to bring them to El Matarife, the Mexican drug dealer, his new boss with glasses and funny accent. It was even entertaining in some weird way, Nick collecting the rotting heads that were separated from the bodies but still groaning in the shopping trolley. The boy found it funny how life turns out sometimes, Its’ cruelty and irony knows no bounds. When he was done ''shopping'', he went straight to his new boss again holding the filled trolley that was painted with blood.

The man seemed not too satisfied with what Nick had brought him, he explained that not every walker head was usable for what he needed them for. Nick was suspicious, he didn't understand how this man could tell which brain was usable and which was not good enough and rotten. After breaking one of the skulls with his bloody knife, the man threw it away again and then turned to Nick, putting his hand up, pointing at the other groaning head.

"That one, that will do!’" – He exclaimed and Nick turned around, giving him the head.

"The longer you wait, the greater is the risk of infection" - El Matarife said while fracturing the skull.

Nick was staring at him with interest, bringing his face closer to see better what the man was doing. He asked why would anyone take that risk and the man showed him something that he found in the skull of the dead. Nick wasn’t sure what it was exactly but it looked disgusting and the boy recalled himself and Troy eating something just like this that night when they first got high together. Then the man started talking about the Proctors, assuring Nick that these guy would pay for this shit generously. Nick laughed again, listening to him talking about Proctors’ fights which seemed uninteresting and kind of boring for the young boy. He watched the man throwing that disgusting piece of brain or something like that in the jar full of black liquid.

"Alright, look, I’ll keep on harvesting, so you keep on paying" – Nick told the middle-aged man. This was going to be fun, Nick was okay with it. El Matarife seemed like a nice man, not counting that he was a drug dealer. The important thing was that he was paying, so Nick and Troy were able to stay in that place and don't die from hunger. Nick wasn’t thinking too much about how long they were going to stay in there but he felt strange uneasiness remembering the last words he had told her mom. Nick didn’t want to go back to her though, he didn’t want to leave this noisy place. He never liked planning future and he was more likely living in the moment. So he just decided to leave these thoughts of leaving and get himself something to drink. It was going to be a good day after a few cups of _whatever._

 

 

He was sitting on that chair again, drinking from the tiny glass cup. Was it the third or the fourth shot of vodka? Nick wasn’t certain, but one thing he knew for sure - he was feeling much better now, his body relaxing a bit. Then he wondered where Troy could have been, Nick hadn’t seen the older boy since last night. When he woke up, Troy’s bed was already empty, old gray blankets accurately covered on the white sheets and the small pillow. Troy usually preferred to stick around Nick and the younger boy was considering that the reason for this was that Troy was feeling like an outsider here, with all these Mexicans that scared him. Nick thought that was kind of cute, Troy who was born and raised on the ranch, never leaving the place, knew nothing about the outside world and his knowledge about these people who he feared was nothing but his father’s influence. Troy wasn’t a racist or something, he simply was afraid of things he had no contact with until now. Nick could understand that. He was there for him to help and translate, whatever he needed to feel himself comfortable.

Nick made up his mind to drink some more vodka and search for his friend. Not that he was going to get lost or something but Troy sure was one impulsive guy and Nick was afraid he could get into trouble. He knew Troy well enough to have that feeling.

Two more shots and then he was going to get up from this chair and start to search for him, Nick decided, when he noticed these two guys from yesterday. He remembered their faces vaguely but he was sure these were the same guys who told them where to find El Matarife. Nick threw a glance at them, silently studying the boys, making sure they wouldn’t notice him staring. They were standing near, wearing hats and looking kind of weird or just different. One of them was wearing shorts and looked more like a girl than the other. He even had make-up, Nick noticed now – his eyelashes painted with mascara. They were talking and drinking something, completely lost in their conversation, laughing occasionally.

It was blurry but suddenly Nick remembered the glance Troy threw at them that night when they first saw these two guys. Troy seemed a little excited and confused, surprised Nick could say. The older boy was staring at them like possessed, hiding his face afterwards, avoiding Nick’s gaze, who was amazed that he could remember this now. They  both were high that night, completely lost and ruined, but pleasantly. Nick was happy that night. He hoped Troy felt the same way, however he was nervous and freaked out, the younger boy noticed him opening up, talking to Nick honestly and saying things he wouldn’t say to anyone. Nick couldn’t even comprehend that that old Troy who experimented on humans and this ‘’new’’ Troy were the same person. He could have changed, people change, don’t they?

After emptying another cup, he put it back on the wood, deciding to drink one more.

"Can I have another-uh, whatever the last one was?" – He asked the old gray man standing in front of him and he suddenly noticed Troy appearing next to him.

"Fun’s over" – Said the older boy with calm voice. He quickly grabbed Nick’s cup and poured out the liquid in one second. Nick eyed him with confused look, surprised and ready to yell at him for what he just did.

"What the hell?" – Nick asked sounding calmer than he expected he would sound. It must have been the fault of the vodka, he thought to himself, feeling lazy and slow.

Troy grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to take step by step, although Nick didn’t want to move. Troy seemed excited and maybe a bit scared, Nick guessed. He was annoyed and unsatisfied, eyeing the older boy with a strained face while Troy was suspiciously looking around like he was making sure nobody was listening. Nick had only two seconds to get angry at Troy and then he said something that hit the younger boy so hard, he almost sobered up all at once.

Nick followed Troy, listening to him without saying a word, face tense. He knew something like this would happen, ruining the day Nick hoped was going to be the good one. While hearing Troy’s excited, worried voice telling him that his family was in danger, Nick realized that all of _this_ was over. He and Troy living here, sharing the shitty room, eating together, drinking and getting high together... The hope of staying here and seeing what would have come from this seemed impossibly stupid now and while understanding that, suddenly a crazy idea crossed Nick’s mind. What if they decided to stay? What if he and Troy decided not to return and warn the others? This thought was egoistic and Nick got scared, he felt like a complete asshole. He was startled that this kind of thought crossed his fucked up mind at all. It wouldn’t be fair, leaving Alicia and his mom to die. And they were going to die for sure, knowing the Proctors. Nick then remembered what El Matarife had told him couple of hours ago, these Proctors were gearing up for something big. Now the boy knew exactly what that ‘’something big’’ was – attacking the dam.

When Nick and Troy passed all these noisy people, heading toward the exit to get out from The Bazaar, Nick couldn’t help but think about staying again. He cursed himself for that, he cursed Madison for that. No matter how far away he would run, she was always getting him back. Nick didn’t want to follow her anymore and this realization came to him that night when he was surrounded by walking dead, Troy embracing him, calming him down. While whispering to the dead people until Troy managed to shut him up, Nick realized he was sick of his mother’s actions, her surviving methods and excuses to control, manipulate, kill. Everything she was doing was making the boy want to throw up or cry, or just run away from her again, somewhere she wouldn’t be able to find him. Nick wasn’t sure where this rage was coming from but it was building inside him, taking root, burning his whole body and soul, tearing him apart. Even now when Nick allowed himself to think that he found something only for himself, something to rely on, she appeared again, somehow finding the new way to get his prodigal son back. Though Nick knew that this wasn’t his mom’s fault, he couldn’t control himself from getting angry, just like a teenager who stubbornly resists everything his parents want him to do, not even properly thinking about it or considering it. Maybe it was just the fault of the vodka or maybe Nick was a terrible person, not very different from his friend Troy.

Considering the fact that they didn’t have any personal belonging except their knives and the car, Nick and Troy left The Bazaar, leaving the sheets and blankets as the only sign that they had been there. They had to hurry up, there was no time for Nick to even go back to his new ex-boss to say goodbye. Soon enough the boys were in their car again, Troy sitting behind the wheel, Nick making himself comfortable in the front passenger seat. He felt himself uneasy, throwing the last glance at the tall walls surrounding The Bazaar, remembering how Troy struggled to climb them that night when they were high and happy. Nick swallowed hard and looked at the other boy sitting next to him, who looked back instantly, waiting for his approval.

"Drive!" – Nick said with deep voice and hung his head, trying to concentrate on the fact that at least Troy was there, alive and unharmed.

Nick heard the engine grinding sound and the car moved suddenly. This was going to be the long trip and Nick didn’t even know what was possibly awaiting them at the end of the way. Still he tried to clear his mind, not wanting Troy to notice his struggles and worries. They left The Bazaar in the afternoon, following the long lonely road.

 

 


	3. The Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter I've decided to post today. I hope you'll like it ^_^

After the long discussion and reviewing all the chances and possibilities they had, they came to a conclusion, each of them choosing their duties. They’ve decided to stay and fight. Well, at least this was the majority opinion, Walker and Crazy Dog were against the decision and they preferred to stay out of this. Nick wanted to stick around Troy, never actually realizing it himself but the older boy apparently was going to do anything to prove that he could be helpful. Nick guessed that Troy needed to show the others that he was not a bad guy and he really wanted to be the part of this. Daniel seemed like he didn’t trust him and he wasn’t even hiding it, asking Troy about militia and being a little rude, never minding the fact that Troy was the reason they still had the chance to survive this nightmare. He even called Troy ‘’a college student’’. Nick knew Daniel well enough to not be surprised by his attitude, plus the fact that his daughter died couple of days ago. Daniel wasn’t someone who could trust people easily and he was a person who always said things he meant, not caring if someone didn’t like it. So Nick just silently hoped that Troy wouldn’t get upset and wouldn’t feel himself humiliated while listening to their dialog. He sighed with relief when he made sure that the middle-aged man wasn’t going to force it and make this tense situation even worse for them, when they already were in big trouble.

 

‘’Mom!’’ – Nick called after the blond woman who was not slowing down, getting away from Nick.

The boy knew that she was judging him, like he was hearing her assault loud and clear, even if she wasn’t moving her lips.  Nick prepared himself for what was coming and he was right. The blond woman started to talk about drugs of course, with venom in her tone, never looking at Nick, like she was ashamed of him.

‘’Whatever you’re taking, I hope you include food in your diet’’ – She said not even looking back at him.

‘’Look, that is the least of your worries right now.’’

Nick was used to all of this, so he just tried to do exactly what he would usually do in the old world - he started calming her down. They actually had more important things to worry about than Nick’s return to his bad habits, so Nick used this argument.

‘’We need to get out of here, before the Proctors show up,’’ – Nick interrupted her again, - ‘’okay? They are worse than anything we’ve seen.’’

‘’Eat something,’’ – She said, finally making eye contact with him – ‘’then help prepare the dam. I’ll decide what we do after you’ve had a meal.’’

Nick wondered if he looked as bad as he felt. He watched her black figure turning away and disappearing from the horizon. Then the boy tried to remember when he had his last meal. Nick was pretty sure he hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday, when he and Troy tried some Mexican food at The Bazaar. Maybe this was a good idea, to go and eat something and gather strength because they were going to fight after all and Nick wasn’t in condition of even thinking properly now, hangover and nausea messing with his head again.

He didn’t notice Victor approaching him, he was searching for something to eat in the fridge. Strand knocked on the door of the refrigerator and Nick raised his head, concentrating on the sound of his voice.

‘’You gotta get out of here, get your mother and go.’’

Nick returned his glance at the food in the fridge again but Strand wasn’t done apparently.

‘’You gotta go now, both of you’’ – He added louder.

‘’What about you?’’

‘’I have obligations here’’ – the man said quickly.

 Nick closed the door and peered at him with curiosity.

‘’You know something’’ – Nick said suspiciously, a tiny smile appearing on his lips.

‘’I know the Proctors’’ – Victor interrupted the boy.

Nick was sure something wasn’t right. Strand seemed worried and his voice was unsteady. Nick noticed the man was sweating while he was studying the older man with knowing look. Strand looked away and sighed.

And then finally Victor was confessing, telling Nick what he had done, informing him about the deal he made with their enemies.

‘’I made a deal with Proctor John to facilitate a takeover. I’m supposed to unlock the door, so to speak, let them in under Salazar’s nose.

‘’He’s gonna kill you.’’

‘’They were coming, regardless of what I did or didn’t do. Part of the deal was protection for you, your mother and Alicia if she appears.’’

Nick continued to eat his meal, smiling at Victor’s words like he sometimes used to do when he was upset. He couldn’t do anything now, couldn’t change what was done so he was just smiling at the man who seemed a little scared now. Nick figured Victor was afraid of Daniel, they never got along even in the past.

‘’I’m no longer confident that I’ll be able to protect anyone’’ – The man was continuing and while listening to him, Nick realized that no matter what Victor had been trying to do there, now that they’ve decided to fight back, this whole thing was going to get complicated.

‘’So you sold out your friends for the water and I’ve blown your con.’’

Yes, Strand was really afraid of Daniel, Nick decided when Victor made eye contact with him.

‘’Look, if your mother finds out she’ll tell Daniel. If Daniel finds out, he’ll try to kill me’’ – Strand said, now standing closer to the boy and holding his stare – ‘’please… Get your mother to go.’’

Nick carelessly put the plate down in the sink, never finishing the meal but slowly and silently walking away, leaving Victor alone in the room that supposed to be the kitchen.

 

 

Nick opened the heavy door, running into Daniel sitting near the little table, never expecting to find the old man there.

‘’Hey, your mom is wiring the dam with your friend’’ – Daniel said louder enough for Nick to hear.

Nick quickly turned abound, intending to leave but Daniel called him.

‘’Nick, Please… sit with me’’.

Nick knew right then that this wasn’t a good idea but he couldn’t resist the man who just lost his daughter. And besides, Daniel was the reason they were allowed to be in there after all. The man sure was no angel but he had been with Nick’s family from the very beginning and the boy felt bad for him. Then suddenly the image of dying Ofelia crossed Nick’s mind – she was suffering and burning, she was in great pain, trying to stay awake only to meet her father. Her last wish never came true though.

Nick swallowed hard, trying to get rid of these thoughts and turned around, leaving the door slightly open.

‘’I want to ask you something.’’

Nick sighed and went down the stairs, stopping on the halfway, looking down at Daniel.

‘’You were with her, with my Ofelia when she was bitten.’’

‘’No,’’ – Nick denied quickly – ‘’no, I – I wasn’t.’’

‘’Wasn’t everyone trapped in a bunker?’’

‘’Most.’’

Now he had to come up with something quickly, Daniel was asking questions about that fateful day when everything went to hell, when Troy led the horde and ended up destroying the ranch. Nick saved him that day, hiding the truth from the others because he knew someone would definitely kill Troy if they found out. Nick lied and became his partner in crime, forgiving him and forgetting about what he did. At least, he was _trying_ to forget. But now Nick had to be really careful while speaking to this man, who was asking more questions, trying to figure out about everything that had led to his daughter’s death.

‘’I was outside, trying to stop the horde.’’ – Nick said, feeling himself getting worried.

‘’You were outside…’’ – The man repeated - ‘’you saw it coming?’’

‘’I mean,’’ – Nick blurted out, pausing for a second, desperately trying to sound calm – ‘’not until it was too late.’’

Now Daniel was suspecting something, definitely, he wasn’t stupid.

‘’How could you miss it?’’ – The man asked, playing with the cross he was holding. This was the cross Nick gave to Ofelia for what it seemed like ages ago. It was the only thing for Daniel now to remind him about his daughter.

‘’It just came from somewhere out… in the wilderness,’’ – Nick shrugged, shaking his head slightly, avoiding Daniel’s eyes and trying to seem confident – ‘’and- um… Troy saw it.’’

Daniel looked up again, furrowing his brows, checking Nick with piercing gaze.

‘’Then he came, he warned me… uh, yeah, we thought maybe we could redirect it but… by that point it was just too close…’’

Nick felt his palms getting sweaty.

Daniel stood up all of a sudden.

‘’And too big…’’

Daniel passed the boy without a word, moving towards the door and Nick thought about two possibilities : the man could just walk away and leave him alone, satisfied with what information Nick has given him, and the other thing he could do was to grab something big and sharp and beat Nick up until he would tell the truth. However the boy knew what Daniel was capable of, he doubted that he was going to torture him just like he did with so many people before. Daniel sure was a dangerous man but he wasn’t going to hurt Nick, right?

Nick found himself mumbling, he wasn’t sure anymore what he was trying to say. He wished himself to stop, fearing to blurt something out, something that could become a threat for Troy.

Nick couldn’t concentrate on his thoughts to try and figure out why he even cared about Troy when _he_ was the one trapped here with Daniel and if something, the first person who would get hurt was going to be Nick himself.

‘’But, uh, Ofelia was in the bunker with Alicia. She saved Alicia’s life.’’

Nick swallowed hard when he heard the creaking sound. Daniel shut the door and locked it from the inside. He turned around then and inhaled, staring down at the boy who was feeling his heart beating faster now, his palms already sweaty.

‘’You’re lying.’’

 

 

Nick appeared to be right when he thought that Daniel was suspecting something and he was also right about Daniel not wanting to torture him. That’s why he was going easy on Nick, the young boy sitting on the bed now, facing the man on the chair in front of him.

‘’Why hadn’t he slept?’’

‘’Because he’s scouting, Daniel, and the wilderness is a dangerous place’’- Nick answered quickly and harshly, looking straight into his eyes.

Daniel chuckled.

‘’Yes it is. It’s very dangerous,’’ - the man said, smiling – ‘’and you are lying. Why are you lying?’’

Nick furrowed his brows, thinking about his question for a second, never finding the answer. However Daniel was observing him and he couldn’t let him notice anything that would give him away.

‘’Okay, let’s go again, from the top. Tell me about Troy.’’

Nick felt his heart beating even faster when the gray man said his name out loud. He couldn’t let him down and betray him. Nick couldn’t say anything that would hurt his friend or get him killed. And this man sitting in front of Nick was surely going to kill Troy, no doubt about it. Nick had no choice, he would be silent even if it meant Daniel torturing him. He was up to it.

‘’I didn’t kill Ofelia’’ – Nick tried to change the subject, desperately hoping that Daniel would left Troy alone but appeared that he was not going to be fooled that easily.

‘’Listen, _that_ I believe’’ – The man interrupted instantly, trying to say something else, continuing this interrogation but Nick couldn’t control himself now.

‘’What do you want me to say?’’ – He almost shouted, his tone turning out to be higher than he intended. Nick was losing his temper, desperately trying not to start shaking.

‘’I want you to tell me the truth!’’ – Daniel shouted louder.

Nick slightly moved back on his chair, never taking his eyes from the anxious man in front of him.

‘’That horde did not materialize out of thin air. Every herd needs a shepherd. Someone had to lead it.’’

Nick realized he was trapped. Daniel was certain, not giving up until he would find the guilty one, a person who was responsible for Ofelia’s death.

‘’And you know who that was, and you are gonna tell me. And Nick, please… please, man, don’t force me’’ – the man shook his head slightly and Nick could see in his eyes that he was going to do anything to get the truth out of him.

Nick was not going to tell him the truth though, no matter how he liked Ofelia, Troy wasn’t responsible for her death. Yes, he led the horde to the ranch but he didn’t kill her. Daniel wasn’t going to get his revenge, no matter what he would do to Nick, he wasn’t going to blame Troy for this whole thing.

When Daniel stood up, Nick looked at him with angry face, his lips pressed together, eyes shining with rage. This old man had chosen the worse time for interrogation, Nick decided silently but he couldn’t tell Daniel about it. He wasn’t going to ruin the opportunity to survive this disaster by letting this impulsive man know about Victor’s deal. And Nick in no case was going to say a word about the _real_ horde leader either. He felt himself getting angrier, realizing the hopelessness of the situation he got himself into.

 

 

Nick wasn’t sure anymore how much time he had spent on that bed but Daniel was still there, asking more questions. Nick was tired and lost in his own web of lies, not giving up nevertheless.

‘’From all the bullshit you have said, only three people could have done it.’’

Nick was hiding his face in his palms, Daniel leaning on the chair with his both hands.

‘’You… Jake… or Troy.’’

Nick was looking away now, thinking of his answer. He was getting there, he was going to save Troy and survive this tiresome and stressful dialog. The young boy locked his eyes with Daniel again, annoyed and displeased look on his face. Then Nick hung his head again, closing his eyes for a second, surprising himself when Troy’s tall silhouette appeared in front of him. He was dressed in dirty jacket with blood stains on it. His eyes were darker shade of blue than usually, his whole face dirty and sweaty. Troy was holding the weapon and he seemed sleepless and tired. He was smiling though and Nick swallowed painfully, not realizing why he was thinking that smile was innocent and real. Troy was there, appearing from the shadows, pure shock on his bloody face, his eyes wide and filled with concern and excitement. He was following Nick, pulling him closer, wrapping his long, strong arms around him, whispering in his ear.

Nick inhaled deeply.

‘’It was Jake.’’

‘’It was Troy!’’ – Daniel shouted, losing his temper once again.

Nick raised his head, facing the man.

‘’No, Daniel, it wasn’t’’ – He said and while hearing himself, he almost believed his own words.

‘’It was that son of a bitch.’’

‘’No!’’

‘’He stinks of it. Just say it. Say it so I can get justice... For my dead daughter. I deserve it.’’

Nick felt sorry for him but he wasn’t going to change his words now. Nick continued to lie, convincing Daniel and himself that Jake was the one to lead that horde. He told the man about killing Jeremiah Otto, he was talking and talking until there was nothing left for Daniel, he had to give up.

‘’It was Jake,’’ – Daniel breathed out finally –‘’a dead man?’’

‘’It was Jake’’ – Nick repeated, putting an end to this show – ‘’the horde he led killed him.’’

Daniel took his time to realize, to somehow deal with this information and then he threw the keys to Nick.

‘’Your mother would be happy to see you.’’

The boy stood up, passing the man still sitting on the same chair. Nick stopped suddenly, turning his head slightly.

‘’I’m sorry’’ – He said and walked up the stair, opening the door and leaving the room.

Nick wasn’t sure if Daniel really believed his lies or just got tired of his bullshit but the boy knew that it was dangerous for Troy to face the man for now on. No matter if Nick had succeeded to convince that stubborn old man, Salazar could still easily kill Troy out of nowhere. They couldn’t risk that much, Nick knew it for sure. This was one of the reasons to avoid Daniel, so the blond boy made his way to the place where he would find Troy and Madison. Nick was going to warn them about what Victor had told him until Salazar forced him to lose the precious time.

When he reached the spot, he noticed the two of them standing there, already done with their work.

‘’We gotta get out of here.’’

Madison turned around suddenly, taking his eyes off Troy who was standing in front of her. Nick noticed that his mother was holding a little hammer, he had no idea what she actually needed for. Nick quickly jumped from the iron stairs, not wanting to lose more time.

‘’Okay, Strand sold out Daniel and Lola to the Proctors’’ – Nick told them, still panting.

‘’We have to warn them,’’ – Madison answered immediately – ‘’Victor brought this on himself.’’

‘’No.’’

Nick tried to explain but she wasn’t letting him talk, anger written on her face now.

‘’We can’t, ‘cause if Daniel sees Troy, he’ll kill him’’ – Nick said finally, interrupting his mother, meeting Troy’s eyes. The boy was wearing the same clothes from yesterday, dirt and dust making his jacket look darker. He then looked away from Nick, gazing down at the ground and Nick wondered if he just made a mistake by saying what he said. But he knew he had no choice, he couldn’t risk Troy’s life and this was the only way to stop Madison from what she was going to do.

‘’Why would Daniel want to kill Troy?’’ – Madison asked, looking directly at her son.

Nick just shrugged.

Then she turned around, facing the other boy.

‘’I led the horde to the ranch’’ – Troy said with the face that was hard to read. He seemed almost emotionless, like he was talking about something very natural and not disturbing at all.

Nick felt his heart skip a beat. He held his breath, looking at the older boy with wide eyes.

‘’It wasn’t right that the Indians had it.’’

‘’Indians? We all had it, Troy, we all had it’’ – Nick heard Madison say.

‘’No, not all of us. You exiled me’’- Troy answered, his voice still strangely calm.

‘’I let you live. I convinced Walker to spare you,’’ – She took one step forward – ‘’I let you live. After all I did… All we did to keep the peace to make it work.

Nick knew this wasn’t going to end well. If he had known that Madison was going to have this kind of reaction, he would have kept his mouth shut about this whole thing. He knew his mom never liked Troy so Nick felt fear while listening to this unpleasant dialog. He found himself worried but he remained silent for some reason. He didn’t expect Troy to just confess like that and Nick was shocked now, not managing to come up with something to stop these two.

‘’You took everything from me,’’ – Madison was continuing.

‘’What about what you took from me?’’ – Nick heard Troy answer with a little chuckle.

‘’My husband…’’

‘’My father- my…’’

‘’My- My children’’ – Madison breathed out.

‘’My brother…’’

‘’ _You_ got Jake killed,’’ – She answered. Nick couldn’t see her face but he somehow was still able to feel the hatred in her voice - ‘’you got them all killed. You had no right.’’

‘’I had every right. I had _every_ , every right. That was my home, and you gave me that right. You allowed me to run. I’d do it all again…’’ – Troy said then and Nick felt his heart painfully beating in his chest, cursing the other boy silently, hoping he would just shut up. But Troy continued. Nick looked down at the ground, the other boy’s words echoing all around the dusty place.

‘’…All of it, Madison...’’

Nick was suddenly feeling nauseous, splitting headache building and hurting him, his whole body going numb. He thought he was going to faint right there, never managing to realize what was actually happening to him. Nick then felt sudden and very strong wave of emotions, moving his shivering body with force. Familiar voices were still there, they just seemed distant and very low, like they were coming from far. One of the voices belonged to Troy and Nick couldn’t understand the feeling of calmness and happiness that overtook his whole body. Suddenly the idea that he could have been high again crossed his mind but this was only for a second and Nick never managed to consider this possibility. Troy’s voice was echoing in his mind like the lullaby from the very distant childhood. Like the lullaby that never actually was sung but it felt familiar anyway.

When Nick looked up again, he met her mother’s confused but still furious face. She was staring at him with wide eyes, her lips parted, brows furrowed. Nick saw hate on that face, already seen so many times before but somehow still scary. Yes, Madison _was_ scary right then, standing with the hammer in one of her hands that was slightly raised up in the air. 

When Nick looked up again, he was standing right in front of her, so close that the boy could notice how her lips were trembling with hate and rage.

‘’Nick…’’

Nick exhaled like he had been under water for some time now and his eyes widened all of a sudden.

‘’Nick, stay out of this’’ – Madison said almost whispering, one hand still slightly up in the air.

Nick furrowed his brows, suddenly fully aware of what was going on.

He shook his head.

‘’Nick,’’ – Madison breathed out, looking away now, not finding the words.

‘’What- What were you gonna do?’’ – Nick said slowly, his heart still racing like crazy.

‘’I – I wasn’t…’’ – Madison hung his head then, looking away for a second –‘’Look, Nick, he destroyed everything, you can’t keep protecting him.’’

‘’Watch me!’’ –Nick almost shouted, the headache reminding itself once again. He couldn’t pass out now, Nick ordered himself silently, swallowing hard. He was the only thing separating her mother and Troy and if he would pass out, god knows what Madison could do.

‘’Nick, it has to end right here and now… He needs to be put down’’ –She continued, never looking at Troy, like he wasn’t even there, like he couldn’t hear their dialog. Nick wasn’t able to see him and he couldn’t turn around to check on the older boy at that point.

‘’Why now, huh? Why now, mom? Why haven’t you killed him earlier when you had a chance?’’

Madison just answered him with hateful glance.

‘’Yes he led the horde and _I_ was also there. He got Jake killed and _I_ was also there, _I_ pushed him, he fell and got bitten.’’

Madison shook her head and looked at Nick just like a disappointed parent, hating the idea that she failed to raise her child the way she intended to. ‘’ _You are the shame of the family, you are not what I wanted you to become’’_ – It  was like Nick could hear these words even though her lips were not moving.

‘’He didn’t kill Travis, if you think about it, we _all_ did! So what now, mom? You’re gonna kill me too? Put me down as well?’’

‘’Nick…’’

‘’Cause I think you might kill me if you didn’t have a choice.’’

‘’That’s insane’’ – Madison breathed out with the same expression, eyes cold and rage burning her face – ‘’It’s- It’s the world we live in!’’

‘’You always lived in that world,’’ - Nick felt the strength coming back to him again and he wasn’t regretting anything he was saying. His head was throbbing but the boy was so furious now that he was feeling himself much more powerful than a few minutes ago –‘’now it’s okay for you to be who you really are.’’

Madison huffed and shook her head.

‘’That’s the last straw. I’m tired,’’ – Nick said, his voice calmer now –‘’I’s so tired, mom. I can’t follow you anymore.’’

Troy was silent like a fish but Nick could feel his scent and the warmth of his body considering the fact that he was standing right behind him. He was standing still, like a sculpture.

‘’We don’t have much time, we gotta get out of this place,’’ – Nick continued, remembering about the reason he had come here, studying Madison’s face that was harder to read now –‘’that’s the first and the most important thing to do now, if we wanna survive.’’

Suddenly Nick felt Troy’s fingers softly touching his shoulder and he flinched slightly. The younger boy turned his face to him and their eyes met. Troy looked… well, it was almost impossible for Nick to distinguish all these emotions that were written on his face. Troy seemed flattered, excited, scared, worried, relieved, sad. The younger boy looked in these big blue eyes, almost losing himself again when he heard his calm voice, just like the lullaby written only for Nick.

‘’We have to go, Nick.’’

Troy shook his head and Nick looked away from him to find Madison moving towards the exit, throwing that hammer away in the dust.

 

 


	4. The Suicide Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hallo ^^  
> Here's the next chapter!  
> Considering the fact that English is not my first language, don't be surprised to find mechanical mistakes. I really want to share this story with these of you who wanna read, so don't judge me too strictly :) I'll try to upload the next chapter after I finish writing it (in a few days). Feel free to ask anything, or share your opinion with me.  
> Enjoy!

It started quickly just like the damn apocalypse itself, even though they had been expecting the attack since Nick and Troy arrived at the dam that afternoon. Victor Strand’s well-organized plan went to hell and Nick realized they needed plan B when he’d noticed the intruders, immediately backing away, dragging Troy with him. Madison was also there, the three of them now running in the opposite direction, however they really had no idea where they were heading towards. The dam was under attack, heavily armed men wandering around. There were too many of them and they were everywhere now, invading almost every part of the dam.

The sounds of the shotguns, followed by grunts and groans were echoing all around the place, hurting Nick’s ears and sending shockwaves through his head. After they walked down the stairs, passing the long enormous water tubes, Nick heard Stand calling Madison’s name. The boy was walking ahead of her, Troy by his side. The woman stopped when hearing the familiar voice and she swore, looking up at Victor with irritation.

“Berate me later. You’re gotta hide” – Strand interrupted quickly and the three of them turned around, following the man’s lead, running back again to where they came from - towards the stairs. When they came across Victor, he quickly eyed them, stopping his gaze at the tall boy. Strand looked Troy up and down, throwing the questioning glance back at Nick.

“He’s with me, Strand!”– Nick said firmly, telling him without words that wherever they were heading, Troy was going with them. Victor didn’t say anything, he just exhaled deeply and hastened his steps.

When they reached the blue door, Victor stopped and opened it. Nick guessed this would be their hiding place for now. The room with large filthy windows was filled with furniture and looked like someone had had a fight in there, tables and chairs purposelessly resting on the dusty floor. They entered the room and Nick checked it lazily, Troy yet standing by his side as still as a mouse.

“Don’t make a sound” – Strand ordered and looked out of the door with suspicious look, obviously making sure that nobody had followed them.

“For how long?” – Madison asked.

”I’ll be back for you when I can," – Victor said and raised his hand quickly, looking at the woman in front of him – “give me the detonator.”

Madison threw a quick glance at her son and looked back at Strand. Nick hadn’t seen Victor so scared before and he guessed that the man was really not in control of the situation anymore.

“I’ll do everything in my power to prevent harm coming to either of you” – Victor said when meeting Madison’s eyes again, assuring her because he could feel her uncertainty.

She was hesitating but finally Madison handed the detonator to him, Strand putting it in his pocket quickly, throwing the last glance at her and slamming the door. Afterwards they heard the clattering sound and the door was locked from outside.

Nick was sitting on the small wooden table now, looking away from her mom, checking on Troy instead who was standing near him. The older boy seemed tired and looked like he just woke up from the dream, probably still not fully comprehending everything that was happening. Nick didn’t even want to make eye contact with Madison anymore, though he caught the woman searching for his eyes. Nick glanced at Troy again, two of them exchanging the looks. The younger boy hoped they weren’t going to be trapped in that room for too long because the last thing he wanted was to be forced to face her after what she had done. He would rather stay quiet and take his time to acknowledge the events of the day. Troy then moved suddenly, approaching him and standing right there beside the small table Nick was sitting on.

“You think we can trust him?” – Troy asked the younger boy quietly.

Nick sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“I- I’m not sure anymore who I can trust” – The boy answered, feeling his mother’s stare burning him.

Troy nodded silently, staring at some dirty spot on the wall without purpose.

Madison looked away from them quickly, reaching for the dirty window and gazing outside. Nick thanked the nonexistent god and hoped that the woman would remain silent until Victor’s return.

 

Nick wasn’t sure how much time had passed since they were locked in that dusty room but then they heard the cracking sound coming from outside and the three of them flinched at that. Madison rose from the chair instantly, bending down and looking out from the window. Nick stood up as well, followed by Troy when the door went open, Strand appearing suddenly. Nick grabbed at his jacket, making the man yelp helplessly - he wasn’t expecting this. Madison quickly put the gun at his chest.

“Hey, easy, Madison!” – Strand breathed out, looking at the woman with wide eyes.

Nick took the step back, releasing the man.

“Lola and Daniel took you in. They gave you sanctuary.”

“Temporary sanctuary, at least. Proctor John was coming. I made a deal for your protection” – Victor said quickly, voice all harsh and excited.

“You made a deal to save your own ass” – Nick corrected him, meeting his eyes.

“And I told you to get Madison out of here, I told you to leave!” – Strand answered even louder now – ‘’but you had to be stubborn.”

Then the man faced Madison again who was still pointing the gun at his chest.

“Can you please remove the gun?” – Victor asked, trying to catch his breath and then suddenly added – “Alicia’s here. She’s here with Proctor john. He brought her here.”

“That doesn’t make any sense” –Madison seemed confused, not believing her friend’s words.

“He likes his toys,” – Victor answered and Nick hung his head, then threw a quick glance at Troy who was standing beside him – “Maybe he likes her enough to let you go, but I wouldn’t bet on it.”

Madison studied his face once again, finally putting the gun away.

“So what we gonna do then?” – Troy asked quietly to no one in particular, like he was talking to himself.

Victor exhaled and threw some layers to Nick.

“Put these on” – He ordered.

“Why?”

“It is how I move you through the dam. I’ll walk you out right under their noses” – Strand said, still panting.

Nick was still checking on him, hesitating, not sure if they could trust this man anymore. He then threw a quick glance at Troy, studying his face expression without a word. Troy held his gaze silently.

“Can you just do it? Everything’s gone to hell,” – Victor said, turning his back to them. He seemed worried and scared, his voice high and unsteady – “just _do_ what I ask of you. Please!”

“Your time has come, hasn’t it?” – Madison asked quietly, observing the man in front of him.

“Please, put on the damn uniforms!” – He almost begged, annoyed look on his face.

“What did you do?” – Madison was not giving up – “who was it?”

Victor took his time, his chest quickly rising and falling.

“Daniel.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ!”

“I did it for you” – The man added quickly, scared look on his sweaty face.

“Don’t say that!”-Madison said harshly.

“But he was alive when I left him.”

Nick was now in that dark blue uniform Strand had given them. They all were going to wear these like camouflage.

“You shot Daniel?” – Nick asked, still not sure if he heard it right.

“I didn’t kill him” – Strand interrupted the boy quickly – “it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Nick studied his face with disappointment, trying to comprehend all the information he was receiving.

“And Lola?” –Madison asked her friend.

“I let her go” – Strand answered, looking at her like he was waiting for her approval or empathy – "you said it would be easier. It wasn’t.”

Nick couldn’t look away from these two, thinking to himself about the reasons why Madison could have the right to look at Victor with surprised and disappointed face when she was just like him, if not even worse. Nick tried to take control over his mind and not remember the way Madison was looking at Troy approximately half an hour ago. He knew he couldn’t think about it now but he was burning with rage when noticing her mother’s reaction to Strand’s words. She had no right to judge him.

“I couldn’t do it” – Strand whispered.

“Good!” – Nick answered instantly, now putting the blue cap on – “there’s hope for you.”

The boy caught Madison giving him a dirty look and he held her gaze. He didn’t care anymore. Finally when his mom turned her attention to Victor again, Nick looked back at Troy who was now into that blue uniform as well.

 

So they were slowly walking that long bridge now, Strand behind them, his gun pointed at their backs. Nick had Madison and Troy by his side, the three of them silently hoping this new plan would work. The Proctors were standing in the middle of the bridge with machine guns in their hands. There were at least ten of them and they were throwing people down from the bridge, terrifying scream and groans reaching Nick’s ears.

“Get to the end of that bridge, cross that checkpoint, and blend in with the locals," – Victor started giving them instructions, whispering to them from behind their backs – "lose the uniforms, walk, and keep walking.”

Nick looked up from his cap and noticed one of the Proctors slowly moving forward and towards their direction, machine gun resting on his shoulder.

“Proctor John wanted me to dispose of these traitors myself” – Victor told the guy who was in front of them soon enough. He was probably in his forties, tall and muscular, with strict face expression. The man studied Strand’s sweaty face with intense gaze, taking his time and he nodded finally, walking away.

“How do we find Alicia?” – Nick heard her mom’s whisper, mixing with all these cries and screams coming from behind them.

“We don’t” – Strand answered quickly, moving the gun to Madison’s pocket – “Take the gun and hide yourselves in town. I find Alicia, get out of here.”

Madison hid the gun quickly under her uniform.

“We could just find her now and take her with us” – Nick suggested.

“I thought this out, Nick, this is the best I can do” – Strand answered quickly.

“I can’t leave her” – Madison continued.

“Nick, we don’t have a choice,” – Troy whispered quietly only for Nick to hear –“we can’t handle them at this point. There are too many of them.”

Nick was going to answer something but then suddenly there were screams and cries again, only this time louder. Nick winced and looked around, hearing Madison’s yelp. Lola was there, appearing from nowhere with the gun in her hand, screaming something in Spanish. She started shooting the Proctors in no time.

Strand threw himself on the ground to hide from the bullets while Nick, Troy and Madison watched the show with pure terror on their faces. All of this happened too fast, nobody was expecting something like this. Lola managed to kill some of the Proctors and then the bullet suddenly entered her chest, instantly followed by the other one. She cried out the last moan and fell on the ground, shot in the head and already dead.

Proctor John was the one to shoot, his hand up in the air, his face tense.

“What fresh hell is this, gentlemen?” – John asked then, his voice low and emotionless.

Nick was bent down on his knees, trying to hide himself from the bullets, Troy and Madison in the similar position near him, none of them able to catch their breaths.

 

Here they were again, walking that long bridge, but this time with Alicia by their side. All of them were sentenced to death, the plan B hadn't stood a chance. Nick had his both hands in his jacket pockets, Madison and Alicia on his left side and Troy on his right side, walking besides him. Victor Strand was following them with the Proctors behind. Nick threw a quick glance at his sister, feeling happy again to see her alive, never minding the fact that Proctor John was going to kill them all in a couple of minutes. Madison was holding Alicia’s hand tightly, taking a step by step with her children. Nick Looked at Troy then, without slowing his steps. The taller boy looked back, his eyes brighter shade of blue, illuminated by the sunlight. His face expression was hard to read.

Nick suddenly looked down at their shadows and wondered what could have happened if they never left the Bazaar. He and Troy never would appear in this situation if they had decided to stay. Now it was too late for doubts and worries but it still wasn’t too late to save the day. Nick still was able to do that. He looked up at Troy again, smiling at him slightly. The other boy furrowed his brows, confused. He looked like someone who just heard that his beloved cat had died. Troy suddenly opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he was interrupted by John’s cold, emotionless words.

“Say your good-byes if you have them.”

They stopped and Madison hugged her kids, embracing them silently. When they broke apart, Nick quickly turned around to face Strand. He simply approached him, looking at Victor with a tiny smile on his lips.

“Safe travels” – Nick told him, smile still on his face.

“Thank you” – Victor whispered as a response and Nick hugged him tightly, his hands lingering on the other man’s back.

“Enough” – John ordered quietly and Nick let Victor go, kissing his check.

Victor was checking on Nick like he was suggesting the young boy had lost his mind. He wouldn’t blame him given the fact that they were promised to die soon. Nick moved away from him, that little crazy smirk yet on his face. He then walked towards his family and Troy who was standing alone there, one of the Proctors guarding his back like he was going to run away somewhere, like there was a way to run.

Nick somehow knew exactly what Strand was going to try to do now. The man was smart and considering the fact that he would do anything to save his own life, it wasn’t hard for the boy to guess Victor’s next move. Nick wasn’t wrong after all, Strand started his speech suddenly.

“There’s an endgame here, Proctor, one on which you did not plan.”

“You really do talk too much” – The long haired skinny man rolled his eyes, annoyed look on his bearded face.

“Lola and Daniel didn’t have enough guns to defend the dam, so they wired it with explosives” – Strand continued, making Nick smile with satisfaction that he was right to guess his next plan.

“Bullshit” – one of the Proctors, the guy with long curly hair answered, his voice harsh and sarcastic.

“Top to bottom. C-4 to build the dam, C-4 to take it down” – Victor said.

“Take his tongue already” – Proctor John ordered calmly. Now he seemed really annoyed.

“No more lies, Proctor” – Strand said with his hands up in the air and then he reached for his pocket, slowly taking two steps behind.

“You got a hole in your pocket?” –The long haired curly guy asked him with irony, going after him.

Nick took his time to appreciate the view in front of him – Strand was left floundering. He seemed so confused and scared, not managing to understand what was going on, desperately searching for the detonator. Victor grunted when two of the Proctors caught him but he didn’t stop struggling.

Finally, when Nick was satisfied with the show, he put out the detonator from his pocket, rising it in the air, showing it to the Proctors, enjoying to see horror on Strand’s face.

“Says it’s armed” – Nick said carelessly, like he was a little kid holding some real dangerous weapon, not even understanding its purpose. And he felt like a little kid too, surrounded by shocked adults who were terrified he would press the ‘’red button’’. Funny, it was always the red button, Nick smiled to himself.

Then Nick heard the sound and turned around, noticing his mom and Alicia, Proctors pointing guns at them. He looked at Troy then who flinched at the touch of the gun at his head.

“Nick, don’t touch the other button” – Strand breathed out.

“What, the one that says ‘’Detonate’’?” – The boy asked, feeling himself just like that kid, playing with the dangerous weapon.

“What’s your play, Nick?”– John asked with a little smile on his face.

Nick was still standing there, one of his hands up in the air, holding the detonator for everyone to see.

“Tell him to put his gun down” – Nick pointed his hand at one of the Proctors and slowly walked towards him.

“Put your gun down” – John ordered calmly.

Nick reached the other end of the bridge, looking down, checking the horizon. He’d already knew what he was doing when he decided to steal the detonator from Victor but now Nick was making sure that the plan was going to work, that his loved ones were going to survive this. The boy carefully studied the horizon, the lake and the wilderness behind the dam. Then he moved back to the other side of the bridge, already certain.

“They are gonna take a Zodiac across the lake” – Nick pointed his hand at the lake.

“Nick, don’t do this” – He heard Madison’s voice.

“Just go as far upriver as you can” – The boy turned around to look at her.

“We’ll pursue them” – John assured him quietly.

“They’ll have a head start.”

“Nick, just come with us. Please” – Alicia begged.

“He can’t do that, nurse," – Proctor John answered her, not taking his eyes from Nick – “the detonator has a range. If you go with them, you lose your leverage, right?”

“I’m not negotiating, john” – Nick said calmly and looked at Troy – “this is my suicide note.”

Nick hasn’t missed the way Troy’s face tensed, his brows furrowing, his eyes going wide. The younger boy was suddenly returned to that exact same moment at the ranch when they'd been awaiting for the Indians’ attack, sitting there sleepless, drinking too much coffee to stay awake. Nick then had told Troy that if needed, he was willing to stay and sacrifice himself because he was suicide-proof. The younger boy remembered that night pretty damn well, Troy’s request to go Kamikaze another day. So _now_ was that ‘’another day’’ apparently. Now Troy’s face expression was similar to how he had stared at Nick back then, that exact night. Nick felt himself uneasy but he couldn’t back away now, lives of his loved ones depended on that.

“Certainly seems to be” – John said.

Nick glanced at Madison then, the woman shaking her head in disapproval. The boy approached her and Alicia, standing closer to them.

“Go. ‘Cause you have no choice. If you don’t go, we all die, so just go.”

They seemed hesitant, both of them with worried looks on their faces.

“Mom, mom, please. Go” - Nick begged.

When they finally moved, Madison grabbing her daughter’s hand, Nick glanced at Strand – “Victor, get in the boat. You wanted mercy. Here it is. Just take care of them, alright?”

Victor shook his head slightly but never managed to move because Nick suddenly looked at Troy’s direction, smiling at him slightly and nodding in Strand’s direction.

“This also applies to you” – Nick told his friend, his voice cracking a little.

Troy simply shook his head, slowly and deliberately, staring at Nick like there was nobody else but the two of them there.

“Nah, you said you’re suicide-proof, I better stick with you” - The boy said with a smirk.

“Troy, it’s not a game. We don’t have much time…”

Troy grunted suddenly and chuckled, taking Nick by surprise.

“I’m not going anywhere” – the taller boy breathed out, eyes going wild, the little grin still twitching his lips.

Nick raised his brow and sighed.

“Yes you are, Troy. Don’t worry, Madison won’t try to do anything until you’re all safe. Then you’ll just walk in different directions and…”

“Nick! Warriors don’t run away from the battlefield. I’m staying here” – Troy said firmly, his face a little hurt. Someone could’ve thought that Nick was insulting him only by assuming that Troy could leave.

Nick exhaled and swallowed hard, trying to come up with something to make him change his mind.

“I’m doing this to save you, all of you.”

Proctor John seemed to be losing his patience. However he wasn’t saying a word, Nick was able to feel his restlessness.

“I'm planning on dying here” – Nick added, his voice now deeper.

Troy nodded.

“Then I guess that-uh, I’ll die too...” – He said firmly – “Nick, I’m telling you, I’m not leaving.”

After saying this, Troy looked back at one of the Proctors who was standing behind him, his gun no longer pointed at the taller boy. Troy moved away from the man, taking a few steps towards Nick who held his breath, feeling his heart stuck in his throat.

When Troy was right in front of him, Nick met his eyes again and this time they were closer. Those big blue eyes - sparkling in sunlight but still filled with sorrow. The younger boy took a second to study Troy’s face, searching for a sign that he was joking or not in his right state of mind. Nick swallowed painfully when he couldn’t find anything. Troy was standing right next to him now, not hesitating, not even looking the other way.

Nick glanced at Victor, nodding and silently asking to go. Strand nodded back and turned around, following the women who were now standing far away from the others, their silhouettes slowly getting smaller and smaller. Finally the three of them crossed the bridge, disappearing from the horizon.

“Looks like your dream will finally come true,” – Nick said quietly, rolling his eyes.

Troy threw a questioning look at him.

“You know… we are going to die together.”

Nick watched how Troy’s lips twitched, familiar smirk appearing on them. Suddenly he laughed and his face lit up with excitement or just the memory of all those times he was about to die, taking the younger boy with him. Nick studied Troy's face with confusion at first, but then he, too, couldn’t hold back the chuckle that escaped his throat.

 

 

 


	5. Symphony of Destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this story is all I've been thinking about lately, I finished the chapter earlier. And considering that I'm too lazy to concentrate on the university for now, the next chapter also will be here soon! ^_^

Here they were again, chatting, doubting, arguing and waiting. Nick was waiting for his family to get in the Zodiac so he could end this nonsense, while the Proctors were expecting for Nick to make one simple mistake so they could kill him. Only five minutes passed since Victor and the women had left the bridge but for Nick it seemed like hours. His head was heavy, his whole body ached and his heart was going wild. He was nervously waiting, never showing the enemy his fear or despair though. The dialog between Nick and John was exhausting and pathetic. Yes, the man was undoubtedly cleaver, Nick observed, but the boy was too tired to listen to another monologue now, especially before his death, that he guessed was inevitable. He would prefer to die peacefully, but since this option was just a naive hope in this new world - at least not like this, not while listening to some self-confident jerk. Nick had always thought that he would die from drug overdose, slowly floating away, feeling neither pain nor anxiety. The boy wondered how it would be to die having no time to think about all those things you could and should have done.

“This dam could be the center of a new civilization, but it needs managing. You could work with me, you could help me, both of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, keep telling me about that”- Nick answered with careless attitude, almost mockingly, looking down from the bridge.

“Civilization’s born of violence” – John said then, making Nick smile to himself.

“He’s got a point,” – Troy noticed unexpectedly for the other boy and Nick checked him with curiosity, not sure if he was serious or just joking around like he would usually do. Troy was wearing a smile that was so well-known for Nick but still mysterious somehow.

“Your friend here, I think he gets it,” – The man nodded his head in Troy’s direction, who still was not moving from Nick’s side, standing next to him like his bodyguard or something – “because it’s a great truth.”

Maybe the leader of the Proctors was right in some way, maybe people would really fight each other for water Nick was going to give them, but he wasn’t about to leave the dam to John either. Nick had already learned so much about how things worked in this new world and he was still learning. He didn’t need advices from someone like Proctor John, he was just trying to win some time for his family to run.

“I killed the last man who spoke that truth” – Nick answered John but glanced at Troy instead, not missing the slightly noticeable change of his facial expression. Nick silently awaited for him to show some kind of emotion like anger or even hate, but all he saw was sadness. Troy simply hung his head, looking down at his own feet, reminding Nick of a little kid who just got grounded.

“Harness the fury or get stampeded” – Proctor John continued.

“I’m looking for a third way” – Nick answered, recalling the night when Troy had came back at the ranch, sneaking in his room and warning him about ‘’the beast’’ or ‘’the reckoning’’. He had been sleepless and lost, banished and left to die in the wilderness. Nick remembered the way he'd smiled while assuring the younger boy that there was a third way. Now Nick was feeling Troy’s gaze again but he couldn’t dare to face him for some reason.

John wasn’t trusting the boy, he was thinking Nick was bluffing, asking him again if the detonator was real, trying to pressure him and read his next moves. Nick just waited, listening to his bullshit, looking at Troy time to time, checking the horizon. Troy was silent once again, sharing quiet looks with his friend. Nick noticed that he seemed exhausted, not complaining though.

Finally Nick spotted the boat in the water and that was the same time when the Proctors reached for him, surrounding Nick and Troy but never daring to actually shoot, still afraid that the younger boy would push that red button. Nick saw fear in Troy’s eyes, silently wishing he could say or do something to make it disappear. He couldn’t though, the only thing he was able to do now was to implement the plan. Warriors don’t run from the battlefield, do they?

When Nick thought he was about to be captured by that curly guy who was the first to move towards him, the sounds of the gunshots made him flinch in fear. Nick and Troy instinctively moved back, none of them managing to understand who was shooting and from where. Panic started to rise instantly and the men on the bridge were checking the area with concern, trying to spot the hidden sniper.

“New wrinkle” – John quickly looked down at the dead curly guy and glanced at Nick who was now on his feet again – “No matter, it’s not a game changer.”

Then John started analyzing him again.

“You’re bluffing,” – the Proctors’ leader suggested – “I can see it in your eyes. You’re not a killer.”

His words were followed by Troy’s crazy chuckle that made the man furrow his brows. He stared at the taller boy with frustration or just confusion.

“Yeah, man…”– Troy said ironically, smirk still lingering on his lips –“think again!”

“Your family’s not far enough away yet…” – John noticed after a short silence, his attention shifting back to the other boy.

“Let’s find out, shall we?” – Nick asked with challenge, rising his hand with the detonator up in the air again.

“Nick…’’ – Troy protested nervously, clearly not sure himself what he was actually trying to say.

“Fine. I’m bored…” – Proctor John blurted out with annoyed look and Ironic smile – “Kill him.”

The proctors aimed their guns at Nick and Troy who found themselves surrounded again. Nick didn’t even have a second to grasp what was going on when the shooting started again – the bullets whistling and hissing repeatedly around them.

“What the hell?” – Troy blurted out, looking at Nick who seemed as confused as his friend.

“It can be Walker or…” – Nick answered between the shots, moving his head down and covering it with his hands to hide himself from the bullets – “Daniel if we’re unlucky.”

The shooting was continuing, accompanied with screams and grunts. Nick was forced again to hear all those last breaths, gasped out and hushed up by the bullets. 

When Nick got a chance to look down from the bridge again, he noticed the Zodiac in the lake. The boy felt his heart beating faster, forgetting about the massacre behind him for a second. His family was already far away, so the explosion wasn’t going to harm the boat. Nick smiled to himself, never bothering to look back at the chaos, at the Proctors who were falling on the ground one by one, groaning and screaming in process.

“Hey, Nick…”

Suddenly the boy heard the familiar voice and looked up, finding Troy standing next to him.

“Listen, I gotta tell you something” – the older boy exhaled, like he just came to a conclusion and Nick found himself holding his breath.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” – Troy breathed out, whispering. He seemed nervous, desperately trying to hide it though – “you saved my ass so many times.”

Nick studied his face with suspicious look. Troy was not joking, he seemed serious.

“I got you killed, man’’ – the younger boy answered with a sad smile and looked down at the lake again, watching the Zodiac moving away.

“You saved me.”

When Nick returned his gaze at him, finding the familiar grin on Troy’s face, he felt his heart skip a beat.

Troy nodded then.

And Nick pressed that damn red button.

 

 

Explosion forced the survivors to run, to leave the bridge as fast as they could. One of them was John, two of his guys pulling him almost with force, while he was trying in vain to realize what was going on. He hadn't been expecting Nick to actually do that and the shock made him still and unable to move for a few seconds. But he managed to get away from there in the end, followed by some of his guys who survived the Indians’ bullets and a furious old man.

Nick could hear the bridge cracking, this time new noises painfully echoing in his head. However, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else but the boat in the lake. The waves on the surface of water that had been formed by the explosion were moving down to wash everything away. Nick held his breath in horror, staring down at that little boat floating in the lake which had turned brown. The boy didn’t look away even when he felt someone grabbing at his shoulder with force. He didn’t look away from the Zodiac until he made sure that the wave hadn’t hit it. Nick was hearing the familiar voice, sounding from somewhere far away, echoing in his ears. He wanted to, but he couldn’t move.

“Nick, you hear me?”

When the boat disappeared from the horizon, moving behind the hills, Nick managed to catch his breath. He felt like waking up from the dream. Maybe all of this was just a nightmare, maybe he would open his eyes and find himself lying on his own bed. His own bed – in fact, Nick hadn’t actually had that in the old world. So even if this appeared to be a nightmare, he would just wake up in some dark and dirty place, surrounded by strangers with pale faces and bloody veins.

Nick suddenly felt sharp pain attacking his head like thousand knives stabbing into his skull. He groaned and opened his mouth, breathing heavy like he had been drowning.

“Nick, what… What’s wrong?”

The boy finally managed to concentrate on that familiar voice but he couldn’t stop panting yet. Suddenly he flinched under the touch of two warm hands wrapped around his checks. When he looked up, he saw Troy, his big blue eyes now wide in fear.

“Nick?! You hear me?”

Nick grabbed at his wrists, this time making the other boy flinch. He quickly removed his palms from Nick’s checks but was still staring at him with strained face.

“I- I’m fine” – He blurted out, clearing his throat.

“You don’t seem to be” – Troy argued, trying to say something else but Nick didn’t let him.

“The bridge… We are not dead” – the younger boy whispered, if only now realizing.

Troy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but we are _gonna_ be if you don’t move!”

Nick looked around, already fully aware of where they were and what was happening. The bodies of dead Proctors were lying on the bridge that now had giant cracks on it. Troy was holding the machine gun which he had stolen from one of those dead Proctors. This was completely natural, this was survival instinct, this was what it meant to stay alive and this was the new rule for the new world. The dead guy didn’t need the gun anyway, not that he was able to use it anymore, Nick thought to himself.

“Nick, just wake up already!” – Troy begged, almost shouting at him.

The younger boy quickly nodded and shifted his body, turning around.

“Where’s John?” – Nick heard himself ask.

“He’s gone and we gotta go too, the bridge can collapse any second” – Troy protested, grabbing at his friend’s shoulder.

“Yeah, alright, let’s get outta here!” – Nick nodded, quickly moving forward.

The bridge they were crossing now looked like a battlefield, clouds of dust and smoke lazily rising up like spirits of the fallen. The smell of blood and death was making Nick want to cough, even though it already had become so familiar to him. The new world smelled like death and decay, the new world was slowly rotting under them, groaning and moaning in vain.

“Have you seen Daniel? I think I’ve noticed him before the explosion. He was shooting the Proctors.”

“I... I don’t know, Nick.”

Just like a bad joke, slowly after asking this, Nick suddenly stopped and froze, staring down at the corpse that was lying a few meters away from where the boys had been standing. It was Daniel, lying in a pool of blood, his face and his clothes painted red. Nick noticed the gunshot wound on his chest, blood leaving the man’s lifeless body.

The boy found himself staring down for a few seconds and then he felt Troy’s presence.

“Nick,” – Troy whispered softly, trying to sound calm – “he’s dead. We need to go, now.”

Nick bent down silently, reaching for Daniel’s gun that was now lying near his right hand without a purpose. The boy straightened himself up and gazed down at the man for the last time, pointing the gun at his forehead. After pulling the trigger, followed by familiar sound that echoed in his ears, Nick threw a quick glance at Troy and took another step forward. He held the gun in his hand, just in case, and the boys quickened their pace, rushing to escape from that graveyard.

 

 

The car was right where they had left it that morning. Nick was thankful they hadn’t ran across the Proctors. They must have left the dam, trying to get away from there as fast as they could. Besides, only a few of them survived, and apparently they were left with no choice but to run.

The boys quickly got into the car, Troy throwing his new toy on the passenger seat and sitting behind the wheel, Nick positioning himself next to him. When Nick heard the engine groaning sound, he remembered about that morning, when they were leaving the Bazaar. Suddenly everything seemed pointless and the boy couldn’t help but wonder if there was a safe place left in this world at all. It seemed like every time they were trying to find shelter, more people around them were dying, Clark family left alone and hopeless again. Nick realized that every time they had tried to settle down, they just ended up destroying the sanctuary that could have become their home.

Maybe it would be easier to just stop searching, Nick thought to himself. Maybe it would be fair to just surrender and go with the stream. Maybe Alicia had been right to stop searching, saying that surviving was killing her. Nick looked out of the window, staring at those hopes and possibilities left behind under the ruins, covered in a thick layer of dust. They were moving again, leaving and continuing to float. Nick was wondering if they would just stop and catch their breath, sit down for a second and rest their bones. There was no shelter for them, there was no hope of returning back to what they had lost, there was no home left anymore.

“Nick, you alright?”

Nick gazed in his direction, noticing his worried look. The younger boy remained silent, feeling his eyes going heavier.

“Nick?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired” – he whispered, his voice coming out weaker than he intended to. 

Troy studied him with intense gaze like he was actually able to read his mind. Now they were far away from the dam, the ruins left in its place slowly disappearing from the horizon.

“Should we now start searching for them?” – Troy suddenly asked, causing Nick to turn his face to him.

“No, I’m pretty sure they’re gonna be fine.”

Troy threw a suspicious glance at the other boy, studying him with distrust.

“I’ve already done everything I could do for their safety,” – Nick added a bit softly –“I’ve got nothing else to offer her.”

Troy remained silent for a few second, not wanting to pressure the boy who looked already down.

“Where do you want me to drive then?” – The older boy asked finally, concentrating on the road again.

“I don’t know, Troy. I just- uh, I have no idea” – Nick breathed out, his voice sounding unfamiliar to his own ears, making his heart beat with uneasiness.

The other boy glanced back at Nick.

“Look, I was thinking that maybe,”– Troy suggested indecisively, still somehow unsure, like he was afraid Nick would turn down his offer – “maybe we can just… we can simply follow the road.”

The sun was still shining bright like it had no idea there was an apocalypse down there on earth. It seemed kind of unnatural or just unfair. The world was slowly bleeding and rotting but the sunlight was still there, reminding them about the recent past. The world was going to hell and yet the sun was still shining across the ruins of civilization.

“You know, for a second I thought you would suggest to return to the ranch” – Nick said slowly, checking on the other boy next to him.

“Uh, no, I wouldn’t” – Troy replied with deep voice.

“We could check if the horde has left. I mean, if you would want that” – Nick noticed carefully.

“I don’t wanna go back to the ranch. There’s nothing left for me there.”

“It was your home, Troy. Well, at least until _we_ appeared and destroyed it.”

“It _was_ my home. But frankly, everything I used to call ‘’home’’ is already ruined.”

Nick swallowed painfully, feeling guilty, wanting to comfort his friend but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t given much time to think about it because Troy’s tone of voice quickly changed, becoming a bit playful.

“Besides, there’re so many possibilities out there, we could try our luck somewhere else. Just following the road” – Troy said grinning widely and the other boy suddenly felt himself much better, not even understanding the actual reason for that.

“I guess you’re right, sometimes you just need to stop searching,” – Nick murmured if only to himself, causing his friend to look at him in confusion once again.

“Okay, the road it is, then!” – Nick confirmed when he caught Troy’s intense gaze – “we can try that…” – he added quietly, feeling himself dizzy.

“You get some rest, I’ll drive” - Troy offered, throwing a quick glance at him and returning his attention back on the road.

Nick nodded silently and shifted on his seat, his head now resting near the side window. He closed his eyes finally, feeling the sun rays on his face, warming his skin.

 

 


	6. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!  
> I'm posting this chapter now, hoping you will like it!  
> Feel free to ask anything or just share your opinion with me, I really wanna know what you think! I'm also aware of the possible grammar mistakes I might have made while writing this. Don't hesitate to correct the mistakes if you find any, I won't be upset, I promise :)  
> Enjoy!

Nick wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he had fallen asleep but when he woke up, it was already dark and he was still in the passenger’s seat. The boy felt numbness in his hands and winced, a quiet groan escaping his mouth. He then rubbed his one eye, ignoring the pain and straightening himself up.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty, you missed out on all the fun.”

Nick yawned and blinked. He then finally looked at the boy sitting next to him. Troy’s grin widened.

“I’m glad to see you’re in a good mood” – Nick noticed with annoyed look on his face.

“Oh, I’m certainly not, Nicky,” – Troy answered, still smirking – “it’s already dark and we still haven’t found any place where we can spend the night”.

Nick looked out from the side window with curiosity, only to find wilderness all around them. The road was dark and silent, car lights as the only source of light.

“Where are we?” – Nick asked with deep voice, clearing his throat and yawning again.

“I don’t know, I’m not an expert at this but I got a feeling that we move in circles.”

“Troy, that’s simply not possible. We are following the road, we’re not in the woods to go around in circles” – Nick exhaled and rolled his eyes.

“I know that, Nicky, but since we’ve left that damn place, all I see around are these freaking trees and trees… Nothing else, only trees. I’m even starting to miss the undead” – Troy whined, his voice loud and unsteady.

Nick glanced at him with furrowed brows.

“Stop complaining and let me drive, you’re sleepy.”

Troy threw a quick glance at the younger boy. He seemed exhausted, his big blue eyes reddened with lack of sleep. Nick understood that the road must have wearied him even more, and since he had had some sleep, he was willing to exchange their duties now. Troy took his time to consider Nick’s offer, finally coming to a conclusion and stopping the car.

“It doesn’t seem like we’re gonna find a place to spend the night,” – Nick told him when he got out of the car – “you can sleep on the back seats, it would be more comfortable than sleeping in the sitting position.”

Troy exhaled deeply, thinking about this for a second, suspicious look on his face.

“You had a driver’s license, right?”

Nick blinked, confused by the question.

“’Cause it would be funny, dying in a car accident in the zombie apocalypse, when we could have been eaten by undead monsters instead.”

“Okay, you definitely need to get some sleep, get in the car and shut up” – Nick ordered with annoyed look.

He heard Troy’s laughter followed by the door slamming sound.

When Nick was finally in the car, he started the engine and looked in the rear-view mirror, catching the glimpse of the other boy’s face. Troy was sitting there silently for a couple of minutes, staring at the road out of the side window. When Nick’s ears finally adjusted to silence, Troy decided to speak again, exhaling deeply before distracting the other boy’s thoughts.

“You think she was really going to hit me with that thing?”

Nick swallowed hard, feeling his throat going dry.

“I don’t know, uh, probably” – He replied finally.

“That’s a shame. Especially after everything I’ve told her.”

“You’ve told her what, Troy?”

The silence filled the car again but this time it was hurting Nick’s ears.

“The truth, you know. I thought I could make her understand that I sincerely wanted to help” – Troy explained – “And she told me that we were good. I thought she meant it.”

Nick looked up at the small mirror again, trying to see Troy’s face expression. What he saw made his heart skip a beat – his friend seemed hurt, just like a little kid standing in the corner, who couldn’t understand what he had done wrong.

“I told her that you’re my only friend.”

“Troy, listen, she was just really upset about all that has happened - about the ranch, about Alicia, and me on drugs again…” – The younger boy started explaining, never believing his own words, and was quickly interrupted by Troy’s quiet voice again.

“And I really meant it, Nick.”

Nick held his breath, going still again.

“You are my only friend. You could have left me like everybody else but you didn’t.”

“I- I was just doing what felt right” – Nick managed to breath out these words.

“Whatever the reason was, facts are facts,” – Troy noted – “I want you to know that I appreciate it. That’s all.”

Nick nodded even though he knew the other boy wasn’t able to notice his gesture.

“Yeah. Um, I…”

“You wanna drink?” – He asked abruptly, cutting his friend off.

Nick’s head turned to him suddenly, like his body was not in control of his mind. The boy found himself staring back at Troy with curious look.

“What?”

“I asked if you want to drink” – The boy repeated slowly this time, like he was talking to a deaf man.

“Drink what?”

Troy laughed at that, offering the younger boy a little bottle.

“Relax, Nicky, it’s _just_ water.”

Nick gazed at the bottle with curiosity.

“Where did you get that?”

“From the fridge.”

The boy furrowed his brows and squinted, throwing a questioning look at him.

“Let’s say, I borrowed some supplies from the dam.”

Nick exhaled deeply then, shaking his head, annoyed.

“You’ll thank me when you get thirsty” – The older boy promised – “or hungry.”

“Whatever, man, just go to sleep already. I can’t drive with you annoyingly buzzing in my ear” – Nick protested calmly, not even sounding angry.

Troy laughed in response and lay down for a nap, making himself comfortable on the seats and exhaling deeply. Nick was hearing the sound of his breathing that slowly became steady and peaceful. He fell asleep almost instantly, leaving Nick in the comfortable silence once again. Well, actually the silence wasn’t comfortable and it hit Nick when he found himself still listening to that quiet, soft sounds of his breathing like possessed. He tried to ignore the noises shortly after the discovery, concentrating on the long lonely road instead.

 

 

Nick had been driving all night, never stopping the car or slowing down. He had no clue where he was heading to and he wasn’t familiar with that region either. The idea of just driving and following the road seemed satisfying since they had supplies, but deep down Nick knew that at some point they would just have to stop. Whether to spend the night or to find more supplies, sooner or later they would be left with no choice but to stop the car.

Nick reached for that little bottle Troy left on the front passenger seat, opening it and taking a long sip of water. The fact that his friend ‘’borrowed’’ supplies from the fridge, spoke for itself. This meant that Troy had had some doubts about this whole dam thing. He was somehow prepared, in case all of that wouldn’t work out. The realization of this brought pessimistic thoughts back to Nick’s mind and the boy briefly remembered leaving his home. Not so much time had passed since the beginning of this nightmare and he had already lost everything, including his family. Now things worked this way – everything you owned was temporary and could have been taken away from you any second.

It was already getting brighter, morning sun rising from the dead again, providing enough visibility for Nick to distinguish the area they were passing. He looked left, noticing the ruins of old buildings and remains of the houses - pure chaos that was left after the events, not too hard for the boy to guess. The view around him was not so different from what he had seen earlier. Maybe it had always been like this, from the very beginning, from the birth of the first man. Maybe history was simply repeating itself but with different forms and methods. This time it was the infection, turning humans into bloodthirsty, flesh-eating monsters. But before all of these changes, people had been blood thirty as well, however hiding behind their human masks. So maybe not too much had changed after all – people destroying, people killing, people eating… Nick just couldn’t take his eyes off the view, as a reminder of mankind’s true nature.

Suddenly Nick flinched and groaned when the car moved over a big stone, making it jump a little. The boy cursed quietly, returning his gaze to the road again. He then heard Troy’s soft moan and caught a glimpse of him in the rear-view mirror. The boy was woken up instantly, quickly straightening himself up and mumbling, still lightheaded and grumpy.

“What the…” – Troy whined, looking around like he still couldn’t figure out where he was and what was happening.

Nick remained silent, waiting for him to start complaining. This was inevitable, he knew somehow.

“Tell me, Nicky… Who the hell had given you the driver’s license, again? ‘Cause I hope they’ve turned into freaks.”

Nick exhaled sharply and rolled his eyes.

“It was just a little stone or something…” – Nick replied quickly, sounding defensive.

He then looked into the mirror again. Troy caught his gaze and a little smile appeared on his lips. The younger boy winced and avoided his big blue eyes, quickly returning his attention on the road again.

“Yeah, good to be back in civilization again” – Troy noticed sarcastically while looking out of the window, checking the view around them.

“You have sleep disorder or something?” – The younger boy asked suddenly.

“Oh no, I sleep like a baby,” – He stretched and yawned – “why?”

“Nothing. It’s just… sorry I woke you up, I got distracted.”

There was a little moment of silence and Nick managed to swallow hard, reaching for the bottle again.

“Do you?”

Nick glanced back at the other boy, questioning look on his face.

“Do _you_ have insomnia?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“How can you not know that?”

Nick took a sip from the bottle, returning it back on the seat.

“Well, I may have that problem sometimes.” – The boy conceded quietly.

“And what do you usually do when you can’t sleep?”

Nick found it weird, they were talking just like two perfectly normal man in a perfectly normal world, discussing not so normal things. Their main topics of conversations were usually walkers, guns, killing and stuff like that, so now it seemed strange to sit there with Troy and have a small talk. Not that they had never talked about normal things before, but still, Nick wasn’t used to this yet. The boys had been chatting about who knows what while they'd been high together, spending the night wandering around with dead people’s blood on their faces.

Suddenly Nick felt a warm, pleasant emotion filling his heart when he remembered that night.

“I don’t know, I just think. And smoke sometimes” – He replied finally, remembering about the cigarette pack, long forgotten in his pants pocket.

Nick reached for the pack, taking the cigarette out. He heard Troy exhaling loudly, but it didn’t stop the younger boy from lighting up the cigarette and filling his lungs with smoke that burned Nick’s insides but made his head pleasantly dizzy.

“Yeah, I’m aware of your late-night activities on the balcony,” – The boy replied nonchalantly. Apparently Troy wasn’t done with this small talk – “but what do you usually think about?”

“I don’t know, man,” – Nick answered after exhaling the smoke – “when you can’t sleep, you start remembering, guessing, doubting. All these things you have done or haven’t done… You just keep torturing yourself, ‘cause it doesn’t go away. You can’t change it” – He spoke with deep voice, annoyed with himself, and added after a short silence –“Yeah, I guess I _do_ have insomnia after all.”

Troy remained silent, not responding, not even making fun of him because of what he'd just said. He could though, and Nick awaited to hear the familiar chuckle, but the older boy’s reaction appeared to be contrasting. The silence started to hurt Nick’s ears again, so he quickly remembered about the new opportunity to break it.

“We gotta stop somewhere, maybe get some supplies.”

They were passing some tall buildings now, most of them half-destroyed and abandoned. The younger boy was silently scanning the view.

“Any idea where we can be?” – Troy asked, checking the surroundings.

“No. But we’re far enough from…” – Nick paused, not sure what he was going to say. Did he want to say they were far away from the dam? From the Proctors? From Madison? The boy didn’t exactly know what would be the suitable ending for this sentence, so he simply added – “from where we were.”

“What supplies do we need exactly? ‘Cause I’ve told you, we have enough food and water for a couple of days” – The older boy reminded calmly.

“Yeah, but we could just take a break, check the area. Maybe we’ll get lucky to find something valuable, or even a temporary place to get some rest.”

“Yeah, alright” – Troy replied after a few seconds of thinking – “Maybe we should drive that way, cross that lane.”

Nick glanced to where the other boy was pointing his finger, noticing the old apartments closely built to each other. This could work, they could give it a chance. Nick slowed the car down, checking the buildings with piercing eyes and caught the glimpse of a small drugstore. It was next to the flats they were passing now.

“Is that the hospital right there?”

Troy’s voice forced the other boy to take his eyes off the pharmacy.

“Where?”

Troy nodded his head in the opposite direction and Nick looked at the view, noticing the tall old building which was surrounded by steel fence. The hospital looked abandoned and Nick couldn’t ignore the idea that suddenly crossed his mind. This tall metal wall was actually a great protection from walkers, and the hospital seemed not too big, several floors. It was not destroyed or damaged like most of the buildings around. This easily could have been their next stop, Nick considered, still checking the area carefully.

Nick was suddenly certain and he stopped the car near one of those apartments, where it would be hidden from curious eyes. Troy stared at him with questioning look.

“We’re gonna go, check that hospital.”

“Why, you wanna get some pills for your headache?” – Troy teased, grinning.

“It’s more than that. See that fence?” – Nick pointed his finger – “It’s a perfect security. We should see if the building is abandoned.”

“Abandoned?” – The older boy asked, his big blue eyes going wide – “Are you out of your mind? It sure is filled with freaks!”

“We still gotta check, if there aren’t too many, we can handle them. And we’ll have the shelter to get some rest” – Nick argued.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea, Nick” – The boy noticed, furrowing his brows.

“Maybe we’ll also find some supplies there” – Nick seemed like he wasn’t even listening to the other boy anymore. He quickly got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

“The only thing we’ll find there is death, Nick” – Troy shouted at him but the younger boy couldn’t hear him anymore, so he reached for his machine gun resting on the passenger seat.

Troy got out of the car, cursing and grumbling quietly while the other boy was looking around, carefully checking the empty street.

“A few walkers. One of them will be enough for both of us,” – Nick assessed the situation, reaching for a small knife on his belt – “So, what do you say, are we doing this or are you afraid of white coats?” – He asked, smirking at the taller boy who was now standing beside him.

“Oh, you’re so funny! – Troy answered with ironic grin and rolled his eyes – “Alright, you won, let’s do this!’’

Nick smiled to himself, walking towards the groaning man with blood and gore on his face. His stomach was torn apart and his intestines were ripped out. Nick guessed he had been eaten alive. The part of what was left from this creature that once was a man, now was walking towards Nick, moaning and itching to take a bite of him. Nick hastened his steps and he hacked and slashed, shattering his skull, hearing it crack. Black blood of the undead man in front of him ran down his throat and onto his chest. The body collapsed, leaving Nick panting, a little smile of satisfaction still lingering on his lips. He threw a quick glance at Troy who was getting rid of the other walker that approached him. He, too, was almost done, cleaving the skull of the groaning woman with his knife, stealing the last moan from her. Nick looked down again at the total mess of flesh and blood and felt his head spinning again. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, bending down on his one knee and reaching for the pool of blood spilled on warm asphalt.

When Nick was almost done with his bloody make-up, he heard Troy approaching. The younger boy looked up at him, wiping bloody hands onto his own jacket.

“Alright, your turn” – Nick said and straightened himself up.

“Still not used to this. Still weird” – Troy noticed while looking down at the torn apart creature with disgust – “You ripped his guts out?”

“Nah, he was already like _this_ when I found him,” – Nick replied with a tiny smile and Troy glanced back at him – “go ahead!”

The taller boy seemed hesitant and Nick suddenly reached for the walker’s insides again.

“Alright, _I’ll_ do it,” – He said and placed his once again bloody hands on Troy’s face, causing him to twitch slightly.

“Could you stop doing that?” – Troy protested, still sounding calm and somehow polite, causing Nick to smile silently – “I can do it myself.”

“Alright, just hurry up” – The younger boy raised his hands up in the air, turning and checking the road once again, making sure that those few walkers were still far away from where they were standing.

 

 

The tall metal door was closed and locked from the outside, so they climbed the fence, deciding that someone had locked the fence gate when the infection had spread. This wasn’t a good sign and Nick was considering the possibility that the hospital was full of dead people. But he was being stubborn, not wanting to go back and still hoping to find a temporary shelter for both of them.

When they got in the yard, it was already possible to check the building closely. The hospital had tall and large windows that were dirty, but most of them still not crushed or broken. Nick had been right, the building had four floors and it stood there silent like a ghost house. Still it meant nothing, better safe than sorry. That’s why the boys moved quietly, not making a sound. When they reached the entrance, they shared silent looks, preparing the guns and knives.

“Shoot only as last resort. Use the knife, unless there are too many of them” – The older boy warned, whispering.

Troy knocked on a big glass door that was not broken, to their surprise, it just had blood strains but the thick glass was untouched. Nick knew what his friend was doing there, the sound was drawing walkers’ attention to the door. So if there were any dead people inside, or at least near the entry, they would appear. The two of them waited for a few seconds and after another loud knock on the glass, Nick nodded and Troy hit the door open.

They entered the building quietly, aiming their guns at nothing in particular, just being careful and ready for anything. Troy moved forward, checking the lobby with piercing look, then throwing a quick glance at the corridor.

“Nick!” – He called for his friend, nodding his head in the direction of one of those corridors.

“I’ll check the other way” – The smaller boy whispered and turned around, not noticing Troy’s unsatisfied look.

“Let’s not split up,” – He heard Troy’s quiet voice – “Nick!”

The younger boy turned his face to him, raising his hand up, the gesture to tell his friend that it was okay. Troy didn’t seem satisfied or certain and he shook his head disapprovingly. But finally, when Nick continued his research in the opposite direction, he also turned around and started opening the wooden doors in the corridor, machine gun in his one hand and the knife in the other.

There were stairs in the middle of the building and Nick looked up for a moment, checking them silently. Then he boy turned his head to the corridor again. He slowly opened one of the wooden doors which had golden ‘’101’’ on it, and aimed his gun at white wall. After making sure that the room was empty, he entered it, finding one bed and a small counter standing near it. White sheets were carelessly resting on the bed and Nick decided that someone had left it in a hurry. When the boy moved closer to see more, he noticed blood stains on the floor, leading to the window that was slightly ajar. Nick exhaled and left the room immediately, shutting the door behind him and walking towards the next room. Just when he was going to open the door with golden numbers ‘’102’’, he heard the sound of footsteps. The boy quietly moved forward, turning his back to the closed door. Nick grabbed his gun tighter with his left hand while his right hand reached for the knife on his belt. When he was already at the end of the corridor, he heard the footsteps getting closer and suddenly noticed the man coming down the stairs, pointing a gun at him.

“Don’t shoot!” – Nick cried out and his heart skyrocketed in his chest. The boy knew that he was covered with blood and gore, so he had only one second to let the stranger know he was not a walker – “Please!”

Nick found it hard to breathe suddenly. He had been ready to fight walkers when sneaking in the building but he wasn’t expecting to run across a living person. So now he stood startled and frozen, with horror on his face, completely left on stranger’s mercy. Because no matter if the boy was dead or alive, the man could just shoot him anyway; Because ‘’shoot first, think later’’ could easily have been one of those new rules of this new world. Nick was given only a few seconds to think about how it would be to die there, in that cold white place which was haunted by tortured spirits. He had a couple of seconds to curse himself silently and regret stopping the car in the first place.

 

 


	7. Newcomers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! :)  
> I've been thinking whether to post this chapter or not, cause it's still not as good as I wanted it to be, and there might be mistakes as well... Still, I'm gonna share it with you now, hoping you'll like it. Forgive me for all these mistakes, I wish I was born in USA (seriously, I ❤ USA!)  
> The next chapter will be here in a few days, cause I have to deal with university exams. Feel free to share your opinion with me, I really wanna know what you think! ^_^  
> I'll try later to correct these mistakes I might have made here, and you can do so, as well.  
> Enjoy!

The stranger opened his closed eye when he heard Nick talking, but he didn’t move a muscle. He seemed confused however and was earnestly staring down at Nick who now had both of his hands in the air.

“Drop the gun!” – The man ordered, his voice harsh and his face rigid.

Nick hesitated for a second but he did what the stranger asked nevertheless. While bending down to put the gun and the knife of the floor, the boy suddenly noticed Troy who was slowly walking along the corridor. Nick slightly shook his head in disapproval.

“Just calm down, sir… I’m unarmed now” – Nick begged quietly, returning his gaze at the man on the stairs.

Nick glanced back at Troy who was now noiselessly walking towards the long stairs and the boy knew, his friend was planning to attack the stranger. Nick tried to give him a sign not to do that but he couldn’t risk the man noticing the other boy too. So he stood still, trying to come up with something and failing. His head was spinning again and his heart was pounding, like it was about to beat right out of his chest. Troy seemed confident and certain, slowly approaching the stairs, so the younger boy had no time to consider all the possibilities of stopping him from doing something impulsive and hasty.

“Troy, no!” – Nick cried out when realizing that this was the only way to prevent his friend from doing what he was going to do.

The stranger flinched, looking down with piercing gaze but he couldn’t notice the other boy from that angle. Troy stopped instantly, his body quickly jerked back and he threw an angry look at Nick who was standing there frozen with his hands still up.

“Listen, sir… We mean no harm, please, just put your gun away” – Nick continued, addressing the man again.

“How many people are here besides you?” –The man asked, his voice deep and bitter.

Nick swallowed hard, returning his eyes on Troy who was still standing near the stairs with his machine gun, not letting his guard down.

“Two of us.”

“Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing here?”

“We were just looking for a place to stop by” – Nick answered calmly, however his heart was beating like crazy – “If you give us a chance, you’ll see we’re not bad people.”

“Tell your friend to show himself” –The man ordered and Nick froze, not sure what to do now. He had no idea who this man was. He could just kill them both and throw their bodies to walkers. He wasn’t shooting though. But it might also have been that the man was just trying to trick them. Maybe if Troy showed himself, both of them would end up dead. There was no time to think about it and there was no way to know for sure. Nick guessed he had no choice but to hope in stranger’s mercy. He felt himself weak suddenly, wishing he had more time to find the solution.

“Alright, but you gotta give me your word that you won’t shoot us.”

The man furrowed his brows. He was standing far from Nick but the boy could still feel his intense gaze burning him.

“Listen, we’ve been through hell and I’m sure you too. So why don’t we put our weapons down and talk like civilized men,” – Nick found himself saying and was surprised when his body moved suddenly. He took one step forward, slowly and calmly, feeling self-confident to his amazement – “We are not here to harm you, I swear.”

The stranger was looking at him with furrowed brows, still aiming the gun at him. Nick knew that the man’s distrust was reasonable and completely understandable, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t gain his confidence.  

“My friend is going to put his gun away if you do the same,” – Nick suggested, his voice calm and steady – “alright?”

The stranger took his time to consider the offer, finally moving his hands down. Nick breathed a sigh of relief.

“Fine” – The man replied. Now he was no longer aiming the gun at Nick but he wasn’t going to drop it until he was sure. That’s why Nick looked at Troy, slowly moving toward the stairs.

“Troy, put the gun down.”

“Like hell I will!” – The taller boy insisted.

Troy seemed angry and excited, his face the chaotic mix of emotions, his lips curled, his brows furrowed. The boy met Nick’s eyes and held his gaze.

“Troy…” – Nick breathed out.

“You expect me to trust him?!”

“I don’t know, but… You can trust _me_.”

Nick noticed his nervousness and hesitation, and for a moment he thought Troy was going to turn around and start shooting, but he was pleasantly surprised. The boy exhaled shakily before putting his hand down, still not dropping the gun though.

“Alright… Now we’re gonna talk, okay?” – Nick said loudly enough for the man on the stairs to hear him.

“Alright.”

The stranger slowly walked down the stairs and was soon enough standing closer, his expressive green eyes studying the boys in front of him. Nick took his chance to examine the man. He was probably in his forties, beefy and taller than Troy. The stranger was wearing black suit which seemed worn and faded, his once-white shirt not so white anymore, but the man somehow still looked elegant. Full beard was covering his chin and those big green eyes and thick eyebrows reminded Nick of his father.

The man was no longer standing on the stairs, he was now inches away from them, observing the boys with piercing look.

“So, what _now_ , kid?” – He asked, finally focusing on Nick.

The boy glanced at his friend who was standing beside him, their shoulders almost touching. Troy was silent, his face expression now hard to read. Nick knew he was still tense and unsure though.

“I’m Nick. This is Troy.”

There was a moment of silence and Nick was suddenly aware of the strange thought that occurred in his mind. The look on that man’s face was once again familiar for him, bringing back the memories from his childhood. For a moment, Nick felt like he was standing in front of his father who was too tired and not in the mood to talk. His face was strained and he was gazing at him, silent and still, cold and distant. Nick swallowed hard and inhaled deeply. This was not the right place, not the right time for remembering, for being weak.

“Thanks for not shooting us” – The boy said, a little smile appearing on his lips.

“Yeah… I had to be careful, you two look like trouble” – The man explained with furrowed brows, still eyeing them suspiciously.

Troy giggled suddenly, causing the younger boy to turn his head to the right. Their eyes met and Nick recognized that expression, already so familiar for him – Troy was being ironic.

“Yeah, _we_ are the scary ones here, right” – The boy looked at the man, grinning.

“Yes, _you_ are the ones who sneaked into someone else’s sanctuary, with guns and…” – He eyed them again, blinking – “and dried blood all over you.”

The man was talking calmly but with conviction.

“It’s walkers’ blood. It’s for…” – Nick paused, not sure how to explain – “It’s like a camouflage, the dead don’t notice you when you’re covered with gore.”

The man studied him with skeptical look.

“You live here? Alone?” – Troy asked suddenly, looking around and adding with ironic smile – “Don’t tell me you cleared the building from freaks on your own.”

“I was here when it all started. My wife was sick and she was hospitalized here.”

The man was distracted by the voice coming from upstairs. Someone was on the second floor, calling for him from the stairs. The voice belonged to a woman and she was asking if everything was alright. The man quickly responded, ordering her to stay where she was. The woman didn’t say anything else but Nick was sure she didn’t move from her spot. He hasn’t miss the man’s reaction either, and guessed that the stranger in front of him wasn’t intending to let the boys know about the other person in the building.

“I’m Benjamin,” – The man said after exhaling, annoyed look on his face – “and I suggest, you go back to where you came from.”

“There’re more people in here, you’ve made this place your home” – Nick decided, staring at the man, studying his face.

“It doesn’t have to do anything with you two.”

“It does, if we also wanna stay” – Nick replied suddenly, not sure when exactly he’d made up his mind. The boy felt Troy’s intense gaze but he ignored it, he wasn’t ready to clarify his sudden decision with his friend, at least not until it would make sense for Nick himself.

Benjamin furrowed his brows again, his face cold and stern.

“I can’t offer you a shelter. It’s not for me to decide.”

“In that case, let me speak to the one who decides” – Nick suggested.

“Look, kid,” – Ben started, glancing over at him again – “people live here. I don’t need you two causing us problems.”

“We won’t!” – Nick pointed out, his eyes wide and innocent – “We can be very helpful actually, you won’t regret keeping us.”

Benjamin shook his head slightly, ready to answer but he was cut off again. Someone’s soft footsteps sounded on the long stairs and Nick suddenly noticed the girl holding a knife in her right hand.

“I asked you to stay out of this” – Benjamin addressed her, looking annoyed – “I’ll handle this.”

“To me it sounded like you needed help” – The Latina woman argued, not minding the presence of two strangers.

Benjamin exhaled and shook his head in disbelief or annoyance, never looking at the woman, staring at Nick and Troy instead.

“Samantha, please, just let me do the talking!” – Ben pleaded, not even turning his head to glance at her, his face still stern and cold.

Suddenly the girl walked towards them, ignoring the man’s request. She was moving like some kind of predator while approaching the boys. She was small, and while passing Benjamin, Nick couldn’t hold the smile that appeared on his lips – the height difference between these two was ridiculous.

The girl threw a quick glance at Troy and then she looked Nick up and down with piercing brown eyes. When she was finally done with studying them, Samantha concentrated on Benjamin again, who exhaled and frowned, suddenly looking ten years older.

“We’re gonna wait for them to come back and _only_ then we decide” – The man answered the question that was not asked.

Nick studied the girl with curiosity - she was something else. Samantha must have been in her twenties but she looked older. She seemed self-confident, powerful and energetic. The woman looked like she was capable of doing anything and everything, like she had all the energy, like the world belonged to her.

“Hello there, beautiful lady” – Nick heard himself say – “I’m Nick.”

Samantha looked up at him, rising her one brow like she was trying to read him.

“Sam” – She replied.

“Alright, I’m done with this spectacle,” – Troy suddenly announced – “we don’t need anything from you, keep this _bloody_ hospital to yourself. We’re leaving.”

Nick grabbed at his friend’s arm suddenly, stopping him from walking away. Troy flinched, blinking at the boy in front of him, confusion and fear appearing on his tired face once again.

“Let’s go, Nick!” – He almost begged, his voice now low.

The younger boy shook his head in disapproval.

“We can’t, we need this place” – He whispered only for Troy to hear.

Troy hissed and frowned. He seemed frustrated and worried.

“Nick…” – He breathed out, shaking his head slightly.

“We _gotta_ try. It can work out.”

Troy still looked like he was against the idea of staying but he wasn’t protesting anymore. When Nick made sure that his friend wasn’t going to run away, he freed his arm and returned his gaze back at the hosts, one of his best smiles appearing on his full lips again.

“So, how about you show us around, new friends!” – the blond guy suggested.

The building was bigger than it seemed from outside. Four floors, long corridors, toilets, still working water system and plenty of rooms – some of them even free from bloody stains and specific smell of death. Nick was amused and excited, not regretting he had stopped the car at all. While they were walking the stairs, Samantha was narrating the story of their staying in the hospital, from the beginning to this day. Nick found out that the hospital hadn’t been evacuated, people were left on their own while the infection was spreading quickly and uncompromisingly. They all were dead soon, turning this place into the graveyard – people dying and returning to life, people eating each other. Those who had managed to escape, ran away hoping to find help or a shelter, and those who’d stayed, died a slow and painful death. Samantha knew all of that from Benjamin, because, as Nick understood, he was one of those two people who had been at the hospital since the beginning. Ben was silent though, letting the girl tell the story, and she really was good at this, Nick noticed. He even felt goosebumps on his arms while listening to her talking. The other person who was the witness of the hospital massacre was some nurse named Camila, who appeared to be on a run, searching for some supplies for the rest of the group. Samantha had joined them later - after a long tedious journey in search of a shelter, she finally ended up becoming the member of their family.

Nick blinked while hearing that word ‘’family’’, he wasn’t sure why. Those two didn’t seem to be anything like a family, they were more likely annoyed with each other, or more than that - they could as well hate each other’s guts. Might have been the apocalypse, Nick guessed, the apocalypse could be the only reason for all those happy, dysfunctional families.

“Enough chattering, Samantha,” – The man noticed, his voice cold and deep – “the decision is not made yet.”

“Oh, come on, big guy!” – The girl rasped, her accent even more audible now – “Don’t be so grumpy all the time, a little smile won’t kill you, you know.”

The man looked like he was trying to come up with a proper answer but he chose to remain silent, deciding not to argue.

The third floor was the floor on which they were living, Nick found out shortly after they’d reached it.

“I still can’t understand how you managed to clear the building from the freaks” – Troy couldn’t help but point out.

“ _He_ did that, with a help of some other guys who’d been living here before I arrived” – Sam answered, eyeing the tall man with genuine smile.

Ben exhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a second, certainly annoyed.

“The fact that we haven’t killed you or kicked you out, doesn't guarantee your stay here,” – The enormous man looked down at Nick and Troy – “don’t listen to her, she doesn’t decide anything.”

His words were followed with Samantha’s loud and dissatisfied snort. She shook her head dramatically, reminding Nick of some random talentless actress from a soap opera. Then the girl suddenly seemed too bored with this whole thing, so she walked towards one of the hospital rooms and swung the door open with her knee.

“Hey, guys... We have guests” – Sam announced with cheery voice.

When the wooden door was pushed open, Nick noticed two people inside but he had no time to study their faces, because suddenly the next door opened and a little kid ran from the room with golden ‘’303’’ on it.

Sam immediately bent down to her knees, smiling widely and opening her arms to hug him.

“Hey there, little Skywalker!”

Nick heard the child’s laughter - something he hadn’t heard for too long.

“Is dad back?” – The kid asked impatiently.

“No, not yet,” – Sam noted, pausing for a second and hugging the boy tightly – “but _I_ am back, and I brought two new Stormtroopers with me. Now you’ll have someone to play with, are you excited?”

Nick threw a glance at Troy who was standing there beside him with furrowed brows. When catching his gaze, the older boy met his eyes and Nick was suddenly aware of his confusion - Troy had no idea what language Sam was speaking.

Nick couldn’t hold back the smile.

“Sam, stop it, I’ve told you, It’s not decided yet if they’re staying or not” – Benjamin’s cold voice forced Nick’s attention back to him.

The girl looked up at Ben with those piercing brown eyes and if a gaze could kill, he would probably be dead at that exact moment.

Shortly afterwards Nick and Troy met the others – the man in his fifties named Elias who used to be a factory worker, the middle-aged gentleman Ricardo, who was friends with Elias, and two more people, Nick couldn’t remember the names of. Sam also informed that their group used to be bigger, but they’d lost many people some time ago. The girl suddenly seemed like she instantly regretted saying this in a first place, painful memories making her face flush with anger and sorrow, so Nick didn’t ask questions. Besides Camila, there were also two man on a run, one of them Miguel, the father of the kid. That kid was Lucas, nine year old boy with short dark hair and enormous cartoon black eyes. Nick decided he liked this little guy immediately, so he took his chance to salute the child after Samantha let him go from that long, lingering hug.

Nick bent down on his one knee, stretching out his right hand.

“So… You like spaceships?”

The kid mirrored his smile and shook his hand slightly, still being shy.

“Me too,” – Nick grasped with delighted smile, sounding truly excited – “what a coincidence.”

“Do you want to play later?” – Lucas offered and Nick’s eyes went wide.

“Oh, you have the figurines too?! Yesss!” – The blond boy hissed, smiling with his whole face - “Of course I’ll play, but you gotta let me be Obi Wan Kenobi.”

The kid shook his head, grinning from ear to ear, looking just as excited as Nick.

“Nick, quit the bullshit already” – Troy interrupted suddenly, causing the younger boy to look up at him. He appeared to be standing near them, but at the same time, silently listening to Samantha’s conversation with Ben and two old man.

“And Troy’s gonna be Darth Vader,” – Nick added quickly – “he just gotta deepen his voice, that’s all.”

When Nick stood up and turned around to face his friend, he discovered him with furrowed brows and confused look. The younger boy threw the last glance at Lucas and winked at him. Then the kid headed back to his room again, just as Sam asked him to do, her voice soft and caring. Nick stood next to Troy again and returned his attention to those people who were standing in a small circle, discussing something in a low voice.

 

 

While the group was awaiting for those three people returning back from the run, Nick and Troy had no choice but to wait as well. Benjamin seemed like he wasn’t trusting the boys yet, so he was wandering near them, quietly making sure that they weren’t up to something. Nick was noticing the man’s piercing gaze but he didn’t say anything. He couldn’t blame Ben for being careful, Nick would do the same in his place. Those people seemed nice and friendly and this was a rare thing in a new world. Nick was already sure, he wanted to stay. He wanted to get to know them better, be the part of their group.

Nick was sitting on the stairs and lost in his thought when he was suddenly distracted by the high-pitched voice that belonged to Sam. She announced that the rest of the group had returned. Nick heard the engine groaning sound, a proof of her words. The boy stood up from the stairs, feeling his heart restlessly beating in his chest. He was now standing next to Troy again, waiting for the strangers to show up.

There were only two of them – Latina American woman and man, Camila and Miguel. The rest of the group standing in the corridor, greeting them, suddenly went silent. Now all of them were staring at those two with knowing looks, still not sure what to say, to ask or to wait for them to speak. It seemed like every one of them had forgotten about the boys, all of them now focused on Miguel and Camila instead.

When Miguel finally announced that they’d lost their friend, the group left the corridor, silently entering one of the rooms with wooden door. Sam called for Nick, asking him to wait while they’d talk and discuss. She promised to inform the boys after they’d come to a conclusion. With that, the girl closed the door behind her, leaving Nick and Troy standing in the empty hallway.

 

 


	8. The Room 313

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halla! :}  
> So here's the next chapter and it's here NOW, too early, i know... BUT! the next one will be posted only in a few days, you have my word! :D  
> I didn't have time to correct this chapter, I'm sure there're mistakes and I'll try to correct them later.  
> Hope you don't hate it !  
> Please tell me you don't :D  
> Enjoy!

Nick was sitting on the stairs again when Troy approached him and deliberately sat himself down next to him. The younger boy looked at him with anticipation.

Troy inhaled deeply and his lips moved.

“So… You wanna stay here, huh?”

“That’s why we got in here in the first place – to find shelter.”

“ _Temporary_ shelter” – Troy corrected, staring at him with intense look.

Nick remained silent, returning his gaze back to those white walls - too white and too cold, brightness hurting the boy’s eyes.

“We weren’t planning…” – Troy started again, - “all of _this._ All these people... So what now, Nick, you wanna become the member of this _family_?”

He pronounced the world ‘’family’’ with ironic tone.

“Because the last one has disappointed you?”

Nick looked up suddenly, meeting his eyes. Troy didn’t look away, he seemed serious now, his smirk disappearing without a sign of it. Nick silently studied his face, guessing if Troy was being an annoying prick again or was he just trying to analyze him. Nick was too tired to think properly and Troy was too hard to read. So the younger boy returned his gaze back at that white wall.

“What do you want me to say, Troy?” – He asked and shrugged his shoulders like he actually had no idea what his friend was talking about.

“I want you to tell me why. Why you decided you wanna stay all of a sudden?”

Nick exhaled and hung his head, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

“I’ve never actually had my own place, you know…” – the younger boy heard himself say, his voice sounding too quiet and weak to his own ears.

“Don’t give me that drama bullshit, Nick, none of us had a perfect life,” – Troy noticed but nonchalantly and without sounding rude – “so what? Now you’re hoping to find your own place in the apocalypse?”

“Yeah, why not?” – Nick replied suddenly, demanding, looking up at him and letting his gaze linger – “Why can’t we try? Tell me why _can’t_ we stay here?”

Troy studied him carefully, gazing earnestly into Nick’s eyes.

“’Cause I’m tired. I’m tired of running all the time. No matter, from the dead, from the living…”

Nick buried his face into his palms, feeling his eyes going heavy, headache reminding itself again.

“I don’t know, Troy, I’m not even sure what I want anymore” - He whispered and looked at the walls again, brightness hurting his eyes like he was drunk again.

Troy remained silent. Nick couldn’t dare to look at him but he was picturing his face expression.

“Yeah, I understand” – The older boy said suddenly, his voice so calm and quiet, and Nick almost thought he heard it wrong.

The younger boy had to turn his head now, to make sure. He looked in his friend’s eyes again, suddenly astonished and confused. He noticed the change in him that he hadn't been expecting - Troy seemed sincere, empathy and a sign of sorrow making his face softer and almost innocent. Nick wasn’t sure if he had seen this kind of expression on his face before. Troy was now looking at him like he knew exactly what the other boy was talking about. He knew because he also have been there.

“Alright, if you wanna stay, this means I’m staying as well…” – Troy said firmly, already determined, his voice calmer and softer now - “but what if they decide against keeping us?”

Nick had no answer to that question but his friend was waiting for it anyway, quietly and calmly gazing into his eyes.

Then the cracking sound interrupted the dialog, causing both of the boys to flinch. They turned their heads at the same time, gazing in the direction of the corridor. Nick and Troy stood up from the stairs but none of them took a step forward, waiting for the group to show up.

Nick noticed people leaving the room. Ben and Miguel were the first to appear, heading toward the boys, others following behind. All of those curious and studying eyes were concentrated on Nick and Troy and each and every member of the group was standing in front of them suddenly.

Nick glanced at Benjamin, trying to read something from his face but it was impossible – that man’s face was just as cold and strain as before. The boy looked at Miguel and Camila then, who were standing next to each other, eyeing the boys carefully.

“Sorry we left you like that, we had to discuss something first” – Miguel was the one to speak, his English reminding Nick about El Matarife suddenly.

“It’s alright” – The boy shook his head, smiling slightly.

“First of all, I thinks it would be right to introduce ourselves. My name is Miguel, this is Camila,” – He nodded his head in the direction of the woman – “I believe that you already had a chance to meet the others.”

“It’s nice to meet you Miguel,” – Nick said and then looked at Camila, his smile still lingering upon his lips – “ma-am…”

The blond boy nodded his head politely, greeting the woman in front of him.

“So, you want to stay at the hospital?” – Miguel asked, his wandering gaze moving from Nick to Troy.

“Yes, we’d like to. If you allow us, of course” – Nick answered politely and threw a quick glance at Troy.

Miguel gazed at Ben and they exchanged knowing looks.

“We’ve lost one of our people today” – Benjamin said suddenly – “he was a good man and he had been with me and Camila almost since the beginning.”

“I… Uh, I’m sorry to hear that” – Nick said, not sure what was coming next.

“But when he first appeared, I wasn’t sure, I didn’t like him and couldn’t trust him.” – Ben continued, his voice steady and cold – “Although I didn’t like you two when I first saw you, I think I was too quick to decide. We can give you a chance.”

“I don’t see any reason why you can’t stay,” – Miguel said calmly – “we need people.”

“We’ve already lost too many people, and we almost forgot that together we are stronger” – Camila added, smiling at the boys in front of her.

Nick’s grin widened and he exhaled deeply, only now realizing he was holding his breathe.

“Thank you!” – Nick blurted out, still not believing. He reached for Miguel to shake his hand.

“I was not the one to decide. We have democracy here” – Miguel answered with a little smile, while shaking Nick’s hand.

“Democracy,” – Troy repeated quietly – “Sure one of the rarest things in the zombie apocalypse.”

Nick didn’t turn his head to see his expression but he was sure Troy was smirking - he could hear it, he could feel it.

Nick eyed the group quickly, some of them already moving towards their rooms.

“Thank you, people!” – Nick said louder this time, for all of them to hear – “you won’t regret this decision.”

Elias smiled back at him, throwing a quick glance at his friend Ricardo, and they opened the doors of their rooms almost at the same time, which was comical in a way. These two looked so alike, they even moved almost identically, Nick found it funny. When the boy turned around, he noticed Samantha and Camila, walking towards him.

“Me and Sam will explain to you how things work in here” – The woman suggested.

Nick nodded in approval, then looked back at Troy who was still standing there, near the stairs. The taller boy silently approached him and they followed the women who led them along the corridor and to one of the rooms.

 

 

After Camila’s short but yet exhaustive lecture, which covered all the important aspects, Nick and Troy knew everything they needed to know about the hospital, about the rules those people had, about group members, their obligations and duties. Nick was aware that they had to be productive and useful to earn their place, to not make them regret letting the boys stay. So when Nick volunteered, suggesting that he and Troy were up to go on runs as well as the other men, Camila approved, looking frankly happy about it. They had lost one of their group members that day, so Nick guessed they would appreciate two more guys capable of doing everything the runs required. Camila seemed appreciative and truly touched, and Troy didn’t mind either. With that, the decision was made – Nick and Troy would go on the runs in every few days, just like Ben and Miguel were doing. The shift would work out perfectly and would let the men catch their breath. Camila noticed that the only reason she was on a run that time was because they were out of people. When going out to search for supplies, the group needed someone who would stay at the hospital to defend the others, and usually these people were Elias and Ricardo. What Nick understood was that Benjamin and Miguel were the best fighters there and this was the reason they were going out all the time. Outside world was dangerous and not everyone was capable of going on runs, this job required experience as well. Camila was a nurse and she was needed at the hospital, near her people, she shouldn’t have been risking her life like that.

So now that they’d lost one of their best fighters, Benjamin and Miguel needed Nick and Troy more than ever. The younger boy could feel this, he was capable of realizing this. And given the fact how good he was while wandering among dead people, Nick was one of the best choices for this job.

Nick was happy he found his way of thanking them, plus, this was something he enjoyed as well, something that would be productive and beneficial for all of them, something he’d do with Troy.

Troy seemed excited as well, he was up to it, he actually liked Nick’s idea, the younger boy could notice.

When the women were done with discussing and explaining, they left the room and led them along the corridor again, offering them their own rooms. Nick got excited suddenly, his ‘’own’’ room sounded like fun.

“We’ve chosen to live on this floor, and this way we also stay closer to each other, if something happens suddenly.” – Camila explained, her dark hair tied in the ponytail moving in a funny way while she walked – “Although we cleared all of the rooms of the hospital, I suggest you to stay on this floor. It’s on you to decide anyway, you can choose any room you like. We have too many empty ones, as you could have noticed. However I think that you want to be close to each other, am I right?”

Nick glanced at his friend walking next to him. Troy shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess…” – Nick nodded – “we’ll stay on this floor.”

“So you take the rooms next to each other” – The woman spoke again, stopping in the end of the hallway – “These two, maybe? Most of the rooms in this part of the corridor are empty.”

Nick looked in the direction to where she was pointing her finger. Two rooms in the end of the corridor and near the narrow stairs that led down to the second floor and was also continuing upstairs – to the fourth floor. Nick returned his gaze to the wooden door then, with golden numbers ‘’312’’ on it. He reached for a door handle and opened it. The room was white and clean, maybe even too clean for Nick who suddenly felt himself dirty with all the blood on him. He didn’t need to think no more, he liked it. He didn’t need to study the room carefully, he wasn’t picky.

“I love it. We’ll take these two” – Nick announced, grinning widely, nodding his head towards the next door.

Troy didn’t even bother to open the door, he just stood there silent, letting Nick decide.

“Alright,” – The woman smiled, putting her hands up in the air – “That’s all I wanted to make sure for now. You can bring your belonging from your car, if you have them.”

Camila shrugged, that kind and genuine smile making her look younger. She turned around to leave but returned her gaze back at the boys suddenly.

“Oh, I almost forgot. We’ve returned with supplies from the run, so we have the big choice of food now” – She said, that smile appearing again – “Sam with Elena and Abbie are responsible for cooking. We’ll let you know when the food’s ready, one of us will bring you something to eat later.”

Nick was somehow sure that Elena was the old Latina lady from that morning. Abbie must have been the Caucasian American blond girl in her twenties but he wasn’t certain. There were not too many people living there and most of them Nick already had the opportunity to meet. Although he was usually good at remembering names, now he couldn’t. So he simply blamed it on stress and tiredness, deciding to get to know them better later.

“We sometimes eat together, in one of the rooms or downstairs in the waiting room, on special occasions,” – Sam noticed quietly, her gaze following the woman in the corridor – “but I guess not today.”

Nick eyed her quickly and with curiosity. She was standing next to him, leaning against the white wall, her hands crossed over her chest. Sam noticed Nick staring and looked up at him, rising her eyebrow, a ghost of a smile crossing her thin lips.

“See you later, guys” – She promised, lifting her body and walking away slowly, leaving Nick and Troy in the empty corridor.

 

 

When Nick and Troy collected all the supplies Troy had stolen from the dam, locking the car and heading back to the building, Nick couldn’t help but notice that his friend was being too quiet. This was not like him. Troy hadn’t said a word since they were shown their rooms and he remained silent, even now when they were alone. At first Nick was checking on him without a word, but when the silence became almost unbearable for the younger boy, he was suddenly aware that he had to speak, he just couldn’t do the other way. So when they were walking those long lonely stairs surrounded by whiteness, Nick inhaled deeply, deciding to be the one to break the painful silence.

“You alright?”

Troy made a weird sound, he hissed or just blurted out something too quietly that Nick missed. However after the smaller boy made sure to stare at him long enough to win his attention back, Troy bothered to look at him.

“What did you say?” – He asked, sounding truly confused, like he didn’t hear the question.

“You're mad at me or something?”

“Why would I be?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. Should I start getting worried?”

“Enough of your poetic nonsense, Nicky, I’m just tired” – Troy answered, not even sounding ironic, his voice weak and low, causing the other boy to frown.

He really looked exhausted, Nick could notice.

“Get some sleep then. In your own room” – Nick pointed out, a little smile appearing on his lips.

Troy exhaled loudly.

“So you’re back, huh? Run, rabbit, run, but you can’t hide from your fate?”

“Huh?”

“The hospital. You said it used to be like _home_ for you. And you’re back now. How do you feel about that?” – Troy asked, eyeing Nick up and down.

They reached the third floor by then, heading towards the corridor, noticing Ben and Elias talking near one of the rooms.

Nick chuckled quietly, remembering about the night at the Bazaar when they had been drinking god knows what. He felt uneasy, not sure why. He just ignored the weird feeling that was too scary and too strong to deal with.

“Yeah, that’s something I’ve just realized…” – The younger boy noticed – “How come you actually remember that? I thought you were drunk back then.”

“Yeah, I remember” – Was all he answered, going silent once again.

Nick couldn’t come up with anything suddenly, he couldn’t break the silence that was hurting his head, making his heart uneasy. They quietly walked along the corridor that was too white and too bright for Nick’s tired and sensitive eyes. When they reached the end where the stairs were beginning, Nick stopped and turned his head, noticing the boy with a plastic container and a small bottle of water in his hands. His face was dirty and bloody, and he looked like he hadn’t slept for days. He looked similar to when he appeared on the balcony, warning Nick about ‘’the reckoning’’ or ‘’the beast’’. Nick suddenly felt his heart drop and he got scared. He felt his head spinning again and the whole place started to move.

Troy exhaled, his eyes heavy and watery.

“I need to get some sleep, I guess I’ll be skipping the dinner. You communicate with them while I’m out, they need to gain our trust.”

His voice was weak and low, making Nick want ask if he was feeling alright. He didn’t ask anything though, he just stood there near the door with a plastic container full of stolen food from the dam.

“Good night, Nicky.”

The door opened and closed, making Nick wonder if it was alright that his heart was beating so fast. Was he sick? Was there something wrong with him?

Troy’s door opened and closed, leaving Nick alone in that lonely corridor that was too white and too silent for him, making him want to scream, making him want to cry for no reason.

 

 

It was already dark but Nick had no idea what time it was exactly. He had been tossing and rolling in his bed quite some time now, maybe more than an hour. He lifted his body up finally, suddenly aware of its weight and groaned in pain. The headache was even worse now and when he opened his eyes, the small white room started spinning again, now in alliance with his head. Nick stood up slowly, the hope of getting some sleep left behind. Shortly afterwards he found himself walking towards the window and looking outside of those dark curtains. It was night already. Nick was neither hungry nor thirsty, he had shelter and even a real bed but he couldn’t sleep anyway. He had been restlessly tossing and turning in the bed, trying in vain to calm himself down.

Nick noticed a lone walker suddenly, lazily moving in the middle of an empty road. He was far away and it was dark outside but the boy could still distinguish his bloody clothes and the cold expressions on his pale face. The creature was walking silently, with unsteady steps and no destination. He was just wandering around, being the additional ugly strain on the horizon.

Nick felt uneasy, his heart restlessly beating in its cage, trying to crack it and break free. The boy could notice those white walls moving again, getting closer and trying to squeeze him. Suddenly he was out of air, he needed to get out of that room which was too small and too white for him. The night was hungry, the weight of darkness pressuring him and swallowing his soul.

Nick shut the door behind him, the loud noise echoing in his ears, and he ran. He ran with no destination, without even knowing the way. He ran towards those narrow stairs and down, opening the heavy door quickly and throwing himself at the tap. The water was not too clean but it felt right. Nick spilled the water on his face. However he had already removed the blood and gore dried on his face before the dinner, he could still feel it there, covering him like another skin. He washed and cleared his face until the smell of death and decay stuck in his nose disappeared.

Nick was breathing heavy and loud. When he finally managed to catch his breath, he left the toilet, closing the heavy wooden door behind him and turning to those stairs again, walking them slowly and silently.

When Nick reached the third floor again, he stopped in front of the door with golden numbers ‘’313’’. He stared at it for a few second, his breath still unsteady and loud. Finally he made up his mind, rising his right hand up and knocking quietly, not even waiting for a reply. Nick opened the wooden door slowly but it made a cracking sound anyway. The room was dark and silent. Near the large window and a tiny counter, there was a single size bed and Troy was lying on it with his clothes still on, as if he was making sure to be ready to run in any minute, in case, you never know. He was lying on his back, facing that ceiling - too white and too clean, a bit too scary for Nick. Troy was breathing peacefully, causing the other boy to regret opening the door suddenly. It was too late now, he needed to hear more. He ached to hear his voice. Nick felt his heart beating faster like it was trying to beat right out of its cage.

“Troy…” – Nick whispered, his voice sounding unfamiliar to his own ears.

The silence filled the room again and Nick swallowed hard.

“Troy, you asleep?”

This was a stupid question, Nick knew he was asleep, he was in a deep sleep. Nick couldn’t go back now, no matter that he felt like a complete asshole for trying to wake him up. He needed to hear more.

The boy exhaled suddenly and one quiet moan escaped his throat. He raised his head and gazed in Nick’s direction, still looking sleepy and dizzy.

“Nick? What’s…” – Troy blurted out, his mind blurred and foggy from the sleep.

“It’s alright,” – The boy whispered quickly, cutting him off – “I’m sorry to wake you… It’s just…”

Troy lifted his body up, leaning on his elbows and staring at the younger boy in confusion.

“Is something wrong?” – He asked, suddenly looking worried and already alarmed.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just…” – Nick paused, thinking about what he could say to sound less crazy and egoistic. He didn’t manage though – “I can’t sleep.”

Nick was suddenly aware of how pathetic and stupid he could have sound to his friend’s ears. He got angry at himself, not believing this was really him, not believing _this_ was what he came here for. He discovered himself breathlessly waiting for Troy to start laughing. He held his breath and anticipated to hear the familiar giggle, however it never came.

Troy exhaled deeply.

“I knew it, you _do_ have insomnia. You’d woken me up couple of times while you were wandering around back there, when we'd been staying at the Bazaar.”

Nick was taken by surprise, he blinked.

“Yeah, I guess… I thought you might be awake and keep me company…” – Nick exhaled and forced himself to finally admit why he was there – “so I thought maybe I could stay here for some time, until I get sleepy” – The younger boy blurted out, sounding a bit needy.

He noticed Troy frowning even in the dim light.

“Only for a few minutes,” – Nick added quickly, afraid that Troy would refuse and send him back to his room. He sounded close to desperate now – “you just talk to me.”

“Talk? You want me to _talk_?” – Troy repeated, making sure he heard it right.

“Yeah, just…”

Nick swallowed thickly, his throat now dry and itchy. He sighed then and hung his head, suddenly deciding this was a stupid idea.

“Forget it” – The boy murmured, his voice even lower now – “Sorry I woke you up.”

Nick suddenly and abruptly turned around, moving towards the door, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible, to hide somewhere and stay silent until the end of the world.

“Nick!” – He heard Troy’s voice, causing him to stop and freeze – “Come back here.”

His body moved on its own, like it was not in control of his mind anymore. He walked towards the bed slowly, taking a step by step. When he reached it, he looked down at the boy who was still leaning on his elbows, holding his gaze.

Nick sat down on the floor without a word and noticed the other boy returning to his previous position shortly afterwards. Nick also laid down, cold floor making his body shiver. He swallowed thickly, trying in vain to take control over his body once again.

“I took these pills left from the Bazaar but they don’t help, I still can’t sleep.”

He heard Troy inhaling deeply.

“You really should stop taking these pills, Nicky.”

“What, you’re worried about me? Or are you just jealous ‘cause I didn’t share them with you?”

Troy chuckled and Nick felt better suddenly.

“So… What do you want me to talk about? You wanna know how Jake had managed to break his both legs while playing football as a kid, or do you prefer the story about how he had been lost in the woods for three days?”

Nick heard himself laughing, staring at the ceiling that was too white for his sensitive eyes. He heard Troy’s quiet giggle and suddenly a strange, warm feeling took over his whole body, making him shudder pleasantly.

Nick listened to him talk about his brother’s failures, his voice making the younger boy calm and dizzy. He was feeling better now, slowly getting lightheaded, falling asleep right there on the cold white floor.

 

 


	9. Now That We're Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! ^_^  
> You are free to ask or suggest, share your opinion, whatever! :3  
> Enjoy!

“We’re all infected, did you know that?”

Nick tried his best to focus on the sound of his cold voice that was making him want to kill himself for some reason.

“We’re all dead, no matter.”

The boy exhaled deeply, hangover forcing his eyes shut, headache still torturing him.

“What?” – He blurted out, his voice weak.

“We’re all infected, kid,” – Benjamin repeated slowly this time, his expressive green eyes looking right into Nick’s brown ones – “did you know that? Doesn’t matter if you’re bitten or not, you turn anyway.”

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

“About the infected people’s blood…” – Benjamin started, furrowing his brows.

Nick looked up at him again, trying to concentrate.

“Did _you_ discover that?” – He asked, returning to his plate again which was filled with rice. It didn’t look delicious but the man was eating like it was his last meal – “So what you’re saying is that they don’t see you if you’re covered in their blood?”

Nick nodded.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure” – The boy answered with a sly smile.

“If that’s true, we can use that for our own good” – Ben continued, his voice remaining cold and his face emotionless. Nick wondered if his face would seem too strange while he was smiling. Suddenly he felt the urge to make this man smile – “Of course it’s messy but… It can help while we’re on a run.”

Nick was staring at him with a frozen smile on his face.

“Where’s your friend, by the way?”

Nick shrugged.

“No idea.”

Benjamin studied the boy in front of him carefully.

Ben’s room was even whiter, even colder, too official and too empty.

“So you’re willing to go on runs?” – The man asked – “That would be nice of you, Miguel and I could use some help.”

“Yeah, we’re planning on going tomorrow morning” – Nick answered.

Ben shook his head in disapproval.

“No, _we_ are going tomorrow. Miguel told me they’ve found some store with canned goods and there were way too much supplies there. He couldn’t bring everything with him on his own, since they had lost Eduardo.”

Nick gazed at the man, studying him carefully, not missing the sudden change in his tone. Although it was just for a second, he noticed the sadness on Ben’s face. But when the man raised his head again, his face was the same emotionless void.

“We were planning on returning there to collect the rest that’s left.”

“We can go together,” – Nick suggested quickly – “you could use our help, as you’ve said.”

Ben remained silent, considering his request.

“We could,” – He concluded finally – “if you’re truly ready for this, kid.”

Nick heard himself chuckle.

“You have no idea what we had been through,” – he replied then – “ _We_ are the ones who’s ready. But what about you?”

He noticed Benjamin’s concerned look, like the man was trying to read him, make sure he wasn’t joking around.

“Oh, we definitely are” – He answered in the end, sounding determined and certain.

Nick had no choice but to nod. He stood up from the little chair, approaching the wooden door.

“We leave early in the morning, so don’t be late, kid!” – He heard the man’s comment and nodded with a little smile, closing the door behind him.

 

 

Nick woke up on the cold floor that morning but he wasn’t cold anyway. He flinched and exhaled, turning around and facing the white ceiling. He was confused suddenly, not managing to remember when and where he had fallen asleep. Nick couldn’t understand where he was.

He felt a warm layer covering his body and when noticing the blanket, his memory was refreshed immediately. The boy rolled on the floor, turning around and noticing the bed with white sheets on it. It was Troy’s bed, Nick was in Troy’s room.

He suddenly recalled coming here, entering the silent dark room. Nick instantly remembered everything. It was already morning, so all he had done last night seemed shameful and a bit stupid now. He never liked these kinds of situations – waking up in the morning and facing the results of his actions from previous night. He knew there was actually nothing to be ashamed of, he was just suffering from insomnia but Nick felt uneasy nonetheless.

He heard the familiar voice then, instantly reminded of the last night – Troy talking to him, Troy telling stories about his brother, Troy trying to make him feel better.  
Troy’s voice made his heart race suddenly, and Nick turned his head.

“Hey, where’ve you been?”

The taller boy frowned, looking annoyed for some reason. Nick noticed his hair looked clean and he guessed he washed it early that morning.

“The kid. He’s just unbearable, he wants to play all the time.”

Nick didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t hold back, his face break into a smile.

“I escaped. Be quiet, ‘cause if he hears me, he’ll drag me back to his room with all those weird dolls… I don’t even know what all of his stuff is called” – troy noticed, whispering, looking excited and alarmed.

Nick heard the chuckle that escaped his throat.

“You’ve been playing with Lucas all morning?”

Troy exhaled dramatically.

“I can’t do this anymore, he got me exhausted.”

“What?” – Nick grunted – “How can he exhaust you?”

Troy eyed him suspiciously.

“So, you like kids?”

“Yeah, who doesn’t? They’re funny and cute, they’re full of energy...”

“They’re annoying” – Troy argued, cutting him off.

Nick studied him carefully, still smiling.

“I can replace you, I like Lucas. Besides, ‘’Star Wars’’ is fun.”

Troy shook his head, his eyes closed, annoyed look on his face.

“Yeah, whatever, I’m not going back there. I’m gonna go eat something in my room” – He replied, heading toward the corridor.

“Troy!” – Nick called for him and the older boy stopped, turning his head to face him – “Don’t forget, we’re having dinner downstairs today. Also, Ben and Miguel will be joining us tomorrow morning. I’ll tell you the details later.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there”- Troy sighed and nodded, turning around again and walking along the empty corridor. Nick let his gaze liger until he disappeared, closing the door behind him. Only then he turned around, heading towards the room where he expected Miguel and his son Lucas to greet him. Nick knocked on the wooden door, feeling his face lighting up with some warm and pleasant emotion.

 

 

Later, when Nick changed himself into the clean clothes that Miguel kindly offered him, the boy felt like a new person. His old shirt was changing its color slowly, turning into red, and while Nick was playing with Lucas, Miguel suddenly started searching for something in his layers. He was sleeping on the floor, near the little bed that belonged solely to his son. On that room they were sitting, playing with ‘’Star Wars’’ figurines, when the man suddenly approached Nick, offering him two pairs of trousers and two shirts for him and his friend. Nick looked up at him with wide eyes. Miguel answered his confused expression with a kind smile.

“You need to change, son, you smell like death.”

If not the smile, Nick could easily be offended by his words but the boy knew Miguel was right. Troy was in the same situation, they both could use new clothes and get rid of those bloody layers. That’s why Nick didn’t argue, receiving the gift with thankful smile, showing his gratitude without a word.

Nick was changing from his already dirty jeans and bloody shirt into new clothes which were a bit bigger for him. He had no idea who was the previous owner of those layers, but they looked alright, and most importantly – they were clean. Nick was told to leave his old clothes in the room so Elena could wash them later. Miguel remarked that the woman was washing with his hands since the luxury of washing machines were left in the old world. The man also added that the layers were almost new but Nick didn’t mind, he wasn’t picky, he would wear anything.

The black shirt was a bit too big for Nick but those jeans appeared to be just fine. He didn’t really care how he looked anyway, so he was just grateful for what he had. The boy placed his dirty layers on a small counter and grabbed the clothes that were intended for Troy. He left his room then, just to approach the next door with golden “313.”

Nick knocked quietly.

“Troy, it’s me.”

When he didn’t answer, Nick knocked again, this time louder, and just when he was going to open the door, he heard his friend’s voice, high-pitched but still distant.

“Come in, you know the door doesn’t have a lock.”

Nick pushed the door open and entered the room, noticing Troy sitting on the bed with his journal on his lap, writing something. The boy raised his head and looked up at Nick with furrowed brows.

“Oh, you’re so polite, never entering someone’s room without knocking” – He said with a smirk.

Nick blinked. He suddenly realized what he was hinting at.

Troy quickly closed his journal and put it on the bed.

“Sorry about yesterday, I wasn’t in my right head, I’ve taken these pills and…”

“It’s alright” – Troy cut him off, nodding – “So what’s the reason for your visit this time?”

Nick approached the bed and sat himself down next to the boy. Troy turned his head to look at him.

“I brought you some clothes, you probably wanna change” – He said and handed the layers to the boy who suddenly seemed confused.

Troy looked down at the clothes that were now on his lap, reaching his hand then to take a better look at them.

“Where did you get these?”

“From Miguel. After you change, leave your stuff on your bed or just give them to Elena.”

“Who the hell’s Elena?”

“The old woman who…” – Nick hung his head – “Nevermind, just leave your old clothes here, she’s gonna wash them for you.”

Nick took a second to study his face and after Troy nodded silently, the younger boy stood up from the bed, moving towards the wooden door.

“You’re coming to eat dinner with us, right?” – Nick asked, turning around after reaching the door and opening it.

“Yeah, just let me change.”

Nick nodded and left the room. He walked along the corridor and noticed Benjamin. The boy called for him and the man stopped, waiting up. Nick hastened his steps, approaching Ben and they walked downstairs together.

 

 

Hospital waiting room was on the first floor and near the exit, with a few old and faded chairs standing in the circle. Nick guessed that the furniture was placed this way after the events that had happened not too long ago, after the massacre and chaos. The place was decorated nicely and Nick even felt comfortable when taking one of the empty chairs. Four little wooden tables were positioned next to each other, surrounded by these armchairs. Some of the members of the group were already sitting and eating their meal, talking to each other and smiling. The table was filled with canned food and Nick leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table so he could have a better look at the cans in front of him. There were mostly vegetables there: green beans, sliced carrots, pickles, tomatoes, corn, peas. Nick also noticed some of the cans containing fruits like cherries, pineapples and peaches, but they also had the choice between spaghetti and different kinds of soups, baked beans in tomato sauce, pasta sauce and rice. Nick couldn’t even recognize some of those labels, he wouldn’t usually eat canned food before the apocalypse but now he was feeling blessed and lucky. He couldn’t even remember when was the last time he had seen so much food on one table. Besides, he was hungry, his stomach starting to growl, reminding him that he was still alive.

Nick found it funny, how something as horrible as the apocalypse can suddenly change you, and you start appreciating things you never actually cared about before.

In the new world where most of the things were working differently, some things still managed to stay the same – people were still working hard, pouring their blood, sweat and tears to find food or a shelter for themselves and their loved ones. While in the old world left behind, the way to do so required a few steps of all that educational and career labyrinth, in this new brave world it needed almost the similar effort. Nick found it funny, comparing these two ways of survival. Everything they had been working for was lost and meaningless now, everything people were fighting for, nowadays seemed not even worth of mentioning. All those computers, mobiles, robots, machines, mass media, TV , religions, politics – all gone and forgotten, reminding humanity about what was really important and essential. They’ve been thrown back to the past to start living all over again, with no borders around them and no difference between rich and poor, left and right, black and white. Now that all of them were in the same situation, now that all of them were dead. 

“We also have rice from the previous run but nobody wants to eat it now. We even spiced up the rice with vegetables. ”

Nick looked up, noticing Samantha standing near, leaning on his chair with one elbow.

“Everybody want to eat what Miguel and Camila brought” – The girl added, gazing at Nick with her large brown eyes and a cheerful, toothy smile.

“I see they’ve had a productive run,” – Nick answered, rising from the chair and reaching for canned vegetables – “plus, they said they left the half of the supplies there.”

“That’s not even all, we’ve kept the rest for later.”

Nick looked up at her and smiled, then grabbed a small knife from the table and used it as a can opener, hitting the container with the tip of the knife. The sound of the metal on metal echoed in his ears and his head started spinning again. Nick realized now how hungry he actually was.

“Sure you don’t want the rice?” – Sam suggested, the smile still lingering on her face.

“I’d _love_ to taste what you ladies have made for us” – Nick replied, mirroring her wide grin.

Sam held his gaze for a few seconds and turned around finally, moving towards the corner of the room, where Elena was standing as well, busy with placing the rice onto the small plastic plates.

When Nick was finally done with the can, opening it and grabbing a small spoon, he noticed Troy appearing from the dark corner. Nick forgot about his meal for a second, staring at the boy silently, without even blinking. He was wearing those tight black jeans with an ovile green shirt that was a bit too big for him. It was predictable though, Miguel had these clothes for himself and he was bigger than both Nick and Troy. He wasn’t fat or something, he was just older and his shoulders were broader.

Troy was standing there frozen for some time, staring in the direction of the group with confused expression on his face. He wasn’t noticing Nick though, but Nick was eyeing him silently, not missing his friend’s uncertainty and excitement, not missing how his fingers gripped the lower end of his shirt nervously, trying to push it down, like he wasn’t comfortable in his own skin. Or maybe it was just his new clothes he wasn’t comfortable in. Nick was looking at him like possessed, catching every nervous move made by him, not missing how he ran his long fingers through his messy hair. Nick swallowed thickly, not sure why his throat went dry all of a sudden.

At some point Nick thought that his friend was even considering to silently go back and hide from all these noisy people, return upstairs to his room without being noticed, but then Troy found him staring. Their eyes met suddenly and although Troy was standing far from the other boy, Nick could still notice how his body tensed. Troy froze and blinked and Nick took the chance to wave at him.

“Troy!” – He heard himself calling his name.

The boy finally took one step forward, slow and unsure, approaching the group like he was an unwanted guest there, someone who wasn’t invited. Nick got fidgety suddenly, instantly forgetting how relaxed and comfortable he was feeling a few seconds ago. Now he was nervous and excited, restless and not sure what to do with his hands. The worse part of all of this was that he couldn’t understand the reason for his unexpected change of mood. 

Troy was now standing near him, looking down at the boy on the chair.

“I saved you a seat” – Nick told him, nodding his head in the direction of the chair that was standing right next to where Nick was sitting.

Troy sat himself down without a word.

Nick eyed him once again, finally remembering about the can he was still holding. The boy put it down and reached for the table to grab something for Troy.

“So, what will you choose,” – Nick checked the labels on the cans that were still left untouched, uttering the names for his friend – “spaghetti that looks suspicious, baked beans in tomato sauce that may easily be expired, or some weird vegetables I was going to eat?”

Troy frowned, slightly shaking his head and opening his mouth to answer. He was distracted by Sam’s voice appearing from nowhere. Suddenly she was standing there with two little plastic plates.

“Here’s your order, sir!” – She said with a grin, only then noticing the other boy who was sitting there with his mouth still slightly ajar.

“Oh… You’re here as well” – Sam noticed, addressing Troy and looking down at those two plates she was holding.

Nick knew exactly that one of the plates was for him, but he wasn’t sure Sam intended the other one for Troy. The girl’s confused face was the proof, although she tried to cover it with a wide grin, offering one of the plates filled with rice to Troy.

Nick turned around to the girl, now facing her, standing in front of her.

“Thank you very much!” – He said with a smile – “But where’s your sit?”

“I’ve already eaten.”

“You sure?”

She shook her head slightly and started to slowly walk away, still not turning around though.

“I need to take care of other costumers as well” – She answered with a playful smile and only then she turned around, walking towards the other end of the room where Elena was standing with plastic plates and was filling them with rice.

“That’s definitely not what _I_ ordered…” – Nick heard Troy murmur and looked down at him, noticing how his friend moved the plate filled with rice away and grabbed at one of the cans instead.

Nick sat down back in his chair, looking at the table – at those two plates of rice in front of him. He then turned his head to Troy, who glanced back but when meeting his gaze, the older boy quickly avoided Nick’s eyes. Instead, he took the knife and opened the can amazingly fast, like he was an expert at this. Nick let his gaze linger at the boy who took the plastic fork and started to eat his suspiciously looking spaghetti like it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted.

 

 

They were walking along that dark silent corridor now, all these noisy people going too quiet suddenly. It was already night and there was pretty much nothing special they’d done after the dinner. They stayed downstairs, taking their chance to get to know the members of the group better. This was some weird celebration, Nick guessed, they were celebrating productive journey of Miguel and Camila. All of them looked so happy and thankful, Nick knew the reason for that – they survived another day and they weren’t hungry or thirsty. This was undoubtedly worth of celebrating.

Troy didn’t seem happy though, he was all serious, Nick catching a glimpse of him arguing with Ben about something. He guessed they were discussing the run they were planning for tomorrow morning. Nick joined them then, after he was done talking with Elias and Miguel, the two man explaining how they were taking security measures, so that the hospital was safe from ‘’los muertos vivientes’’. After Nick briefly discussed the upcoming run with Troy and Ben, he was back in his chair, Troy sitting next to him, and they were joined by Sam and Abbie. Abbie actually was that Caucasian American girl with long blond hair, Nick had been right. Sam was telling the boys about how they’d found the girl left alone and saved her from biters. Samantha was talking energetically and with enthusiasm, like she was telling some horror story. Nick glanced at Troy beside him, noticing his boredom – he was sitting with furrowed brows, eyeing the girl silently, not even trying to involve himself into the conversation.

They were walking along that dark corridor now, the group returning back to their rooms, saying goodnight to each other and closing their doors.

They stopped at the end of the hallway where the narrow stairs were beginning and Nick looked at Troy. His olive green shirt was fitting him well and he looked good, his big blue eyes bright even in the dim light.

“So… you sure you don’t want me to sing the lullaby for you?” – The older boy joked, making Nick smile but also embarrassed. He hung his head and avoided Troy’s eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine”- he answered calmly.

“See you tomorrow then”- Troy said, pushing the door open with his knee. He sure looked good in these tight jeans, Nick noticed once again. However he somehow knew, he couldn’t allow himself to concentrate on that thought.

“Yeah…”

The door was already open and Nick had only one second to throw the last glance at his friend, to say something more.

“Hey!”

Troy turned his head at him, questioning look on his face.

“You think we can start all over again?”

Nick found himself blurting out something he didn’t mean to.

“What? What do you mean?”

Nick’s heart was beating like a drum again, like it was willing to beat right out of its cage.

“I mean this whole thing,” – he forced himself to speak, although each word was hurting his dry throat – “do you think we can start living once again, now that we’re dead?

He found his friend staring. His big blue eyes were even bigger and brighter now.

“We’re not dead, Nicky, not yet… Go to sleep now.”

Troy answered too quietly, whispering, and Nick almost missed his words that were uttered in alliance with those noises coming from the stairs. Nick went still, nodding his head stupidly. When he managed to return to the present moment, he was already alone in the dark corridor, the loud ‘’good nights’’ and someone’s laughing hurting his ears. He tried to swallow a lump in his throat that had already become too familiar to him, but it was stuck there, not planning on disappearing any time soon. His throat was dry and his heart was heavy, weird feelings making his body shiver and messed up thoughts filling his mind. He had no choice but to ignore them, because he had only a few hours to get some rest and considering his insomnia, this was not an easy task. He couldn’t bother Troy again, no matter how he wanted to, deep down. He just had to ignore all the sounds, all the feelings and go numb and cold, senseless and emotionless.

Nick simply fought the urge to run into the next room and hug Troy until he was feeling better, listen to him talk until he was calmer. Nick simply turned his feelings off, opening the wooden door with golden numbers ‘’312’’ and entering the dark cold room.

 

 


	10. Somewhere In The Galaxy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!  
> This chapter shouldn't have been posted today, but I thought-why not? Sorry about the mistakes... The next chapter will be here in a few days :)  
> As always, you're free to ask and share your opinion, it means a lot!  
> ^_^

Nick hadn’t slept well but he had slept enough, considering his insomnia. He had no idea what time it was when he woke up, but it was already dawn. He stood up slowly and deliberately, his face lighting up when he discovered the headache was gone. He was feeling well, almost healthy, he could have said.

Nick grabbed at his black shirt, putting it over his head and reaching for his pants. His hair was messy and dirty, so he decided to take a shower. Although he was aware they had no shower at the hospital, Nick still had the opportunity to get himself cleaned, just like every other member of the group. He quickly made up his mind to lock himself into the bathroom and wash himself with cold water from the tap, collecting it in buckets that were specially kept in bathrooms for this activity. Camila explained very carefully, making sure Nick and Troy both had understood. She even pointed out that there were also clean towels in both bathrooms on the third floor, kindly adding that the boys were welcome to use them. The other bathrooms were not used for showering, the group hadn't bothered to clean them properly, since they had two toilets on the third floor and it was sufficient to fill their needs. 

Nick took his tooth brush and left the room, heading towards the men’s bathroom on his floor. He was feeling dirty and was pretty sure he smelled as well, so he locked the door from the inside and looked at those buckets standing near the bathroom sink. Nick sighed and nodded, silently encouraging himself since he had not too much time, he wasn’t going to be late – it was his first day on a run with the group.

 

 

It took him only half an hour to get himself cleaned and he was already walking back with a towel resting around his neck, when he noticed Troy leaving his room and closing the door. Nick called for him and hastened his steps, approaching the boy in the dark corridor. 

“Are we leaving already?” – Nick asked while grabbing at the towel from his neck. He started rubbing the layer on his wet messy hair in attempt to dry it, making it even messier. The long blond strands of his hair were all over the place now.

Troy gazed at him with piercing eyes and blinked.

Nick raised his one brow, questioning look on his face. The taller boy was staring at him absently for a few second and then his eyes went wide suddenly. Troy quickly looked away, staring at the floor instead.

“Not yet” – He blurted out.

Nick eyed him suspiciously but didn’t ask anything else.

“Is the bathroom vacant?” – The taller boy asked suddenly, still looking anywhere but Nick – “I can use the other one, I’ll just take the towel and...”

“Oh! No, I’m already done, you can use it” – Nick replied when he realized what his friend was trying to ask – “Water’s cold and not too clean but it still feels amazing.”

Nick added with a ghost of a smile, trying to meet his eyes but the boy was now staring down at the floor again.

Troy just nodded and walked away, quickly moving along the dark corridor. Nick blinked, not managing to figure out what had gotten into his friend. He decided that Troy must have just woken up and that was the reason for his strange behavior.

 

 

When he was outside the hospital with Ben by his side, heading in the direction of their car, Nick noticed Troy leaving the building, Miguel leading him the way. The man stopped near the fence gate, closing it and locking it from the outside.

Benjamin’s car was parked nearby, hidden with leaves. He explained that this way it could stay invisible from curious eyes, if someone alive would appear suddenly. Nick couldn’t understand the reason why Miguel locked the fence gate either, because if someone wanted to enter the hospital, they could do it anyway, just like he and Troy had done. The boy didn’t ask the man anything though.

“So, we’re driving east. You follow our car and keep up with us” – Miguel warned the boys and they gave a nod of understanding. 

“You want me to drive?” – Nick asked when they approached their car.

“Nah, I’ll drive” – Troy answered and opened the door, getting in.

Troy had his stolen machine gun with him, while the other boy was armed with Daniel’s gun. Miguel pointed out that the store to where they were heading, was filled with undead and that might have been the reason it hadn’t been plundered yet. Miguel had lost his friend there and it mustn’t have been the easy task for him to return back to that place. Still, he was here, armed again and willing to fight to bring food to his family. They knew what they needed and they already had it - weapons and a plan. Four people should have been enough to accomplish the mission.

Troy started the engine when he noticed Benjamin’s car appearing from the corner. The store was not too far away, they would be there maximum in an hours. Nick made himself comfortable on the passenger seat, staring at the open road in front of them.

Suddenly Troy reached for an audio cassette that lay inside the glove box next to a little knife and wrinkled yellow papers. Nick followed his movements with piercing gaze, but he flinched and cried out anyway, when the loud music started to play, echoing in his ears. Troy turned his head at his friend who suddenly looked scared and confused, his eyes wide. Nick noticed how Troy’s lips broke into a toothy grin that turned into a loud laugh.

“What the… It’s too loud!” – Nick almost shouted.

“What? I can’t hear you…” – Troy shook his head, returning his gaze on the road, that sassy smirk still on his lips.

Nick raised his hand and reached for the car stereo, turning the volume down.

Troy threw a dirty look at him, instantly stretching out his arm in a direction of the stereo again but Nick grabbed at his wrist.

“Don’t even think about it!” – The younger boy warned.

Troy’s gaze shifted to Nick’s fingers wrapped around his wrist and his smirk disappeared without a sign of it. Suddenly he jerked his hand free, leaving the other boy wondering if he managed to make him angry.

“You know, Nicky…” – He started then, sounding ironic again and Nick heaved a sigh of relief, making sure the other boy missed his reaction – “Maybe I don’t know anything about your stupid drinking games or galaxy stuff but you know nothing about good music.”

Nick looked at him and noticed the familiar smirk returning back on his lips.

“Yeah? In that case, please enlighten me.”

Nick, too, found himself smiling.

“It’s Death Metal, Nicky!”

“No offense but it sounds like someone’s dying or being tortured. Makes me wanna kill myself.”

“Yeah? Tell me more.”

“This music makes me… Angry.”

“That’s right!” – Troy rasped, looking at him with wide eyes – “You don’t fight it, man. It makes it worse.”

Nick held his breath, feeling his grin widened. He vaguely remembered saying these same words to his friend while trying to appease him. Troy got scared that night, he had never been drunk or high before. So Nick tried to calm him down, Troy returning the favor afterwards by hugging him when Nick panicked and started whispering to the walkers that were passing them.

Troy finally broke the eye contact and chuckled.

“It’s okay to be angry, you have the right to be” – The older boy continued.

“Yeah, I guess…” – Nick murmured.

“Embrace the anger and let it all out, so you’ll be free.”

“Okay, now you sound like some religious prick” – Nick noticed, furrowing his brows but yet smiling.

“Yeah, I guess I got carried away…” – The boy conceded quietly.

Nick stretched his hand and reached for the stereo, making the music a bit louder, causing the other boy to look at him once again.

“You know…” – Nick noticed – “It’s not _that_ bad, actually. I can give it a try.”

Troy gave a satisfied smile, his attention constantly shifting from Nick to the road again.

“So what’s the name of the band?” – The younger boy asked and glanced at his friend, who was now slightly banging his head in rhythm with the music.

“’’Cannibal Corpse.’’”

“Sounds…” – Nick paused, thinking of a right word – “scary.”

“Yeah, they sing about violence, killing and torturing, coming blood, eating flesh, bleeding, dying… well, you know stuff like that” – He explained indifferently, still shaking his head, looking at the road again.

“Yeah, I got it, the great soundtrack for the Zombie Apocalypse” – Nick noticed with a grin.

Troy let out a chuckle.

 

 

When Ben’s car started to slow down, the boys knew what to do. Troy turned off the engine and stopped the vehicle near some old barbershop with broken windows. They noticed the two man getting out of the car that was parked behind the supermarket. Troy and Nick also got out, approaching Benjamin and Miguel quickly.

Now they were looking at that store they were about to rob. The four of them quickly walked around the shop, heading towards the main entrance. The men prepared their knives and guns.

“There are a lot of them inside. Be careful” – Miguel warned them when they moved.

“Don’t hesitate to shoot but be quick and observant” – Ben added, his voice as cold as always. It was like no matter how excited, sad or happy he was, his voice always sounded the same.

The store’s exterior was speaking for itself. Broken windows were painted with blood, undead people lying on asphalt near the main entrance – torn apart and rotten, some of them left without legs or arms. They looked disgusting but also miserable, and Nick wondered what was that annihilated them, what exactly could have happened to those creatures. They looked like they were hit by a truck, eaten and left in pieces. When the men passed them quickly, they started to groan and whimper piteously, stretching their hands but not managing to move or get up. Nick looked the other way, forcing himself to concentrate on the mission instead.

When they reached the door that had cracks and blood stains on it, the men opened it carefully, not making a sound. They had to separate in pairs, so after entering the store, Nick and Troy ran to the right side just like they’d planned. Miguel and Ben moved the opposite way and the show was started with a simple moan reaching Nick’s ears. The boy noticed a few walkers heading towards them and he griped his knife tighter, aiming his gun and shooting. The sound of Troy’s machine gun followed instantly and the shooting started in the other part of the store too.

Nick and Troy were standing side by side, near one of the shelves, shooting at the horde heading in their direction. The sound of the bullets were echoing in the building, and the walkers were falling down one by one. There were still too many of them, Nick could catch a glimpse of a small group, appearing from behind the shelves. He jerked and turned his hand in their direction, shooting at them instead.

“Nick!” – Troy threw a quick glance at his friend. Nick’s attention was now absorbed by the other group of walkers.

“Let’s move behind these shelves and shoot from there” – Nick said and stabbed his knife in one of the walker’s skull, who was getting closer.

The boys quickly ran towards one of the shelves, hiding behind it. This angle gave them the better view. They started to shoot again, in alliance with Miguel and Ben who were in the other part of the market. When there were not so many biters left, Nick and Troy started to use their knifes instead, stabbing and cracking the skulls open, hearing last grunts and groans followed by the sounds of the bodies hitting the floor.

“I think they’re already done” – Troy said suddenly and Nick realized the shooting had stopped. This meant that Ben and Miguel had already cleaned their part and were probably loading supplies in the vehicle that was standing near the other exit.

Nick stabbed the knife in one of the walker’s head with a grunt and looked at Troy, noticing his olive green shirt had blood stains on it. What a shame!

When they were done with the horde, the boys were panting, faces sweaty, clothes bloody. Nick threw the last glance at those dead bodies lying on the floor and moved through the aisles of the store, followed by Troy behind. Shortly afterwards they noticed Ben and Miguel holding the cans and loading them into the car. They were moving quickly and accurately, and Nick also approached that shelf, bending down and grabbing at the canned goods. He collected everything he could carry and walked towards the exit and to the car, then back again to that shelf.

“We don’t have much time, the gunshots must have drawn their attention to the store. If there are infected nearby, they’ll all be here soon” – Ben remarked.

“Yeah, we’re almost done here” – Miguel answered quickly, putting the cans in the car trunk and heading towards the shelf again.

“We can’t leave all this stuff here,” – Nick announced suddenly, walking away from the others – “I’m gonna check the other shelves.”

“We’re out of time, kid!” – He heard Ben’s voice, loud but still calm and cold.

Nick simply ignored him and disappeared behind those tall wooden shelves. He walked closer to them to investigate, only to be disappointed. Most of the products were scattered across the floor and smashed, useless and already expired anyway. Nick knew they needed food that wasn’t spoiled but he couldn’t find anything like that on those shelves. He didn’t give up on searching, even when he heard Troy’s voice calling for him. His voice was at first distant but then Nick felt his presence.

“Nick, what are you looking for, we gotta get moving!” – The taller boy howled, his big blue eyes wide, confusion on his face.

The younger boy checked the cigarette section carefully. He jerking his body and rose to his tiptoes, glancing at the broken glass.

“Nick, we don’t have time for this!” – Troy hissed, reaching for him and grabbing at his shoulder.

All the packs were scattered across the dusty floor, smashed and spilled with blood. Nick exhaled deeply, finally turning around to his friend.

“Yeah, yeah, alright” – Nick murmured, his disappointment audible.

Troy let his hand free when he made sure the boy was focused again, and they ran back towards the exit. Ben and Miguel were already in the vehicle and the older man started the car when he noticed the boys leaving the store.

When they were returning to their car, Nick looked back once again, throwing a quick glance at the groaning creatures on the asphalt. They didn’t even seem scary but helpless and miserable, and the boy wondered what could have happened to them. His thoughts were distracted by the door slamming sound, Troy was already in the car. Nick opened the door and sat himself beside his friend. Then he heard the engines roar, making his heart beat with excitement – they were finally returning home.

 

 

Troy was silent and deep in thought, he couldn’t even notice Nick’s frequent glances. The younger boy took out the pack from his pocket and lit the cigarette up, taking in a deep breath of the smoke. There was only one cigarette left and he decided to keep it for later, returning the pack back into the pocket.

He felt Troy’s gaze suddenly and turned his head to him.

“Why are you so quiet?” – The younger boy asked – “We’ve had a productive day.”

Troy snorted.

“You couldn’t get your cigarettes though.”

Nick shook his head slightly, mirroring his smirk.

“Some other time” – He replied and breathed the smoke out, returning his gaze to the road again.

 

 

Nick was sitting on Lucas’s bed, holding the figurine of Obi-Wan Kenobi while the child was placing the other characters in a circle. They’d been playing all evening after Nick and Troy had finished helping with sorting supplies from the run. They’d eaten downstairs with Miguel, Elias and Camila, while the others preferred to have their meals in their own rooms.

Troy returned to his room to change into his old clothes that were washed and dried now, and Nick headed towards Lucas’s room to play with the kid as he’d promised.

Lucas approached the bed on which Nick was sitting and stared at him silently. The boy looked at the kid with a cheerful smile.

“So, tell me young Luke, are you ready for a new adventure?” – Nick asked with changed voice that sounded deeper.

“Nick…” – Lucas breathed out, his voice weak and low-pitched suddenly – “Put your hand on my heart.”

Nick blinked. He did what he was told anyway, raising his hand and putting his palm on the boy’s chest. His eyes widened in fear and horror when he felt the kid’s heartbeat. It was like his heart was trying to jump out of his chest.

“What… What’s wrong? What’s wrong with you?!”

Nick couldn’t recognize his own voice. He tried to clear his throat and forced himself to smile, not wanting to scare the kid.

“It happens sometimes” – Lucas whispered with accent, sounding calm, definitely much calmer than the other boy – “It’s because of my sickness.”

Nick swallowed hard, removing his palm and noticing his hands were shaking. He couldn’t come up with anything to say, he couldn’t even think properly. His mind was working slowly and he was having a hard time processing the information. He looked up at the kid but couldn’t utter a word. The child was standing there silent, his large brown eyes fixed on Nick. His heart was beating unnaturally fast and loud and Nick was even able to notice the boy’s shirt rising and falling. He had never seen something like this before. He had never felt himself so helpless and useless before. He was just sitting there on the bed with Obi-Wan figurine still in his left hand and he was listening to that frightening sound of Lucas’s unsteady heartbeat, echoing in the silent room like a drum solo.

 

 

 


	11. Light In a Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's a new chapter for you, I hope you like it! Again, sorry for possible mistakes...  
> I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this, as always, you're free to ask or just share your opinion! :3  
> I'll update in a few days.  
> Enjoy! ^_^

Nick and Troy were sitting in Nick’s room. They had left on a run that morning and were exhausted after driving all day. They returned back at the hospital when it was already dark and although Nick was up to stay in that house they’d found, Troy insisted on returning back ‘’home’’. They had spent the whole day and found only one house that was not filled with walkers, and when it was getting darker, they knew they either had to stay there or return back. There were no other options at that point. Nick was left with no choice but to surrender, since the older boy suggested he would drive. They hadn’t found anything really important or useful in that house, except for booze – Nick’s face lit up like he was witnessing god’s miracle when he had noticed the two bottles of moonshine hidden in the kitchen. They had stopped the car hoping to find some supplies in that house but all they’d ran across were some old clothes and expended moldy food with dead flies on it. The wooden house was left in a hurry, the owner had probably picked up the essential things for him and ran away. The house was dirty and covered in dust but there were no signs of walkers. There were no blood stains or the smell of death, only the light smell of rotten food and dampness.

Nick liked the place, he felt somehow comfortable when filling his lungs with that faint scent. He always liked wooden cabins, maybe that was because of his romantic nature. He was once called a ‘’poet’’, the memory that felt so distant now making him smile.

They hadn’t stayed there, no matter how Nick wanted to, Troy was against the idea. When the younger boy had asked for an explanation, he just shook his head and said he wasn’t tired and was willing to ride the car. Nick wasn’t satisfied with the answer but he had no intention to argue, so he just surrendered.

They were sitting in Nick’s room now, two candles - one on the counter and the other on the floor giving them enough visibility to distinguish each other’s facial features. The boys were sitting on the floor next to each other, leaning against Nick’s bed. Besides a few dozens of candles and some of these clothes that weren’t too old and worn, they brought the moonshine from the house. Of course they did, Nick wouldn’t left these two bottles even if someone put a gun to his head. They had given the layers to Elias and Ricardo, since the unknown owner of the house appeared to have clothes which would fit these two perfectly. Nick and Troy were rewarded with many ‘’gracias’’, although it seemed to Nick that their trip had been the waste of time and energy. These two man thanking him with adoring smile, warmed his heart anyway. He was still in better situation than Troy because he had alcohol now.

Nick opened the bottle with a quiet grunt and breathed out a sound of satisfaction.

“Yessss, I missed you so much!” – He murmured and sniffed the liquid greedily.

“Don’t be weird, Nicky, talking to the bottle is too much, even for you” – Troy protested ironically and the other boy threw a quick glance at him.

“Don’t talk to me like that if you wanna drink, I’m the one who’s in charge of booze” – Nick teased with a grin, causing his friend to snort sarcastically.

Nick was the first to taste the liquid and he winced. It burned his throat pleasantly and the boy let out a delicious shriek of delight. Troy flinched awkwardly, slightly rubbing Nick’s shoulder when making a quick incomprehensible move. Nick glanced at him but didn’t say a word, he just handed the bottle to his friend.

Troy took a long sip from the bottle, his eyes closed, his eyelids making a long line of shadow on his cheeks. Nick stared at him, following the slow movement of his Adam’s apple with intense gaze. The sight made his mouth water for some reason and Nick licked his lips, feeling his eyes going heavy.

When Troy coughed quietly and handed the bottle back to him, Nick sighed and forced himself to come back to earth. Although he was trying, he couldn’t ignore the cold chills running down his spine every time when the other boy would accidentally brush his fingers again Nick’s.

“So what’s with the kid?” – Troy asked suddenly, his voice soft – “I’ve asked you yesterday but you changed the subject. I know something’s wrong, I’ve overheard your conversation with Samantha.”

Nick took another sip of the moonshine and exhaled deeply.

“He has a heart disease” – The younger boy said, swallowing the lump in his throat with another gulp – “Yeah, it’s a hospital and Camila is a nurse and they have medications and all, but nothing’s gonna help.”

The room went too silent and Nick could hear how Troy swallowed thickly.

“He can die any minute, man. His heart can just stop…” – Nick shook his head, staring at the white wall senselessly - “Miguel can’t leave him alone, you know, in case he… if he suddenly dies.”

“I’m sorry” – Troy whispered finally and Nick looked back at him, meeting his eyes.

Nick nodded without a word, deciding to change the subject again.

“Let’s…” – The younger boy reached for the bottle his friend was holding – “Let’s just drink, alright?”

They continued to take their turns, the bottle slowly emptying before their very eyes. Troy was talking about the next run they planned for the day after tomorrow. They would go far and take their time, in order to return back with something more than old clothes and two bottles of alcohol. Nick could feel the strange excitement making him fidgety when Troy said they could find some place to stay at night, because one day wouldn’t be enough to cover the long distance. The younger boy couldn’t understand the reason for his enthusiasm but the idea of sleeping somewhere next to Troy was overwhelming, so many confusing and long forgotten feelings attacking him all at once, like a giant wave, cutting the ground from under him.

Troy couldn’t notice his friend’s face that was suddenly flushed and Nick was thankful for the dim light of the room.

“Do you miss them?” – Troy asked all of a sudden, after a small silence that filled the room.

“Who?” – Nick turned his head in his direction, feeling it going heavy. No way, he was getting tipsy from that shitty moonshine.

“Madison and Alicia,” – Troy said quietly, with a whisper that would be hard to hear if not the complete silence around them – “Luciana.”

Nick hesitated, not sure if this was just alcohol or his head started spinning unpleasantly because of these three names he heard. He took his time to think about the question, familiar faces of women vividly appearing and he could see them in his mind’s eye. Nick felt sadness and remorse, anger and disappointment. He was once again reminded of all these chances they’d blown and all these things they could have done right, and his heart dropped.

“I love Alicia and of course I miss her. She’s my sister and I just hope she’s alright wherever she is” – Nick started to utter his thought – “There’s no possible way I can miss Madison” – He added with an awkward chuckle or a whimper that hurt his throat.

“And… as for Luci…”

Nick could feel Troy’s intense gaze fixed on him.

“I thought I would miss her but I don’t” – Nick said and only then he accepted it as a fact, as if the realization hit him only then.

He looked at his friend and Troy nodded in understanding.

When Troy announced he was getting dizzy, Nick felt the urge to make him drunk, however he couldn’t because his friend was certain he wanted to stop on that note. Troy placed his palms on the floor and tried to stand up. He couldn’t manage though, instead he fell on his ass, making Nick laugh. Troy frowned and threw an angry look at the boy, not giving up and leaning on Nick’s bed with his both elbows. He got up then, finally managing to stop staggering.

“Give me a hand” – Nick begged and stretched his both hands up.

Troy looked down at him. Although he hesitated for a second, the boy finally gripped at his arms, intertwining their fingers. He helped Nick up and when the younger boy was on his feet, he found himself standing in front of his friend, their faces too close, their fingers still interlocked. Nick felt Troy’s warm breath tickling his face and he almost passed out, feeling cold chills down his spine again. He swallowed hard and his mouth fell open. Nick felt his breath going heavy and he licked his lips unconsciously. Suddenly it felt like the world around him slowed down and everything was happening in a slow motion. The air was leaving his dark room and Troy was the only thing in there he could concentrate on. His fingers were warm and soft, just like his breath on Nick’s face, giving him goosebumps. A shiver ran through his body and he felt shooting adrenalin from his stomach, making him nauseous and lightheaded. He had the feeling that they were standing there like that for hours but it must have been only a few seconds. He lost the sense of time, he lost control over his mind and body. He started to think about how it would feel to run his fingers through that messy hair. Nick wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he freed his one hand and raised it up in the air, and he would never know, because Troy suddenly jerked his body. The older boy took one step back, releasing his fingers from Nick’s tight grip.

Nick felt the room spinning and the world around him was back to normal. For Nick it felt like a rough awakening from a pleasant dream. He was left without knowing how it could have ended, and suddenly Nick’s heart felt like breaking, the familiar lump stuck in his throat.

Troy was standing there with an expression that was hard to read. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair and let out a deep sigh that sounded too loud in a silent room.

“You drunk?” – He asked, his voice deep.

Nick shook his head.

“Not sure.”

“I better go now. Are you gonna be okay?” – He spoke again, waiting for Nick to give him an answer, making sure he was feeling alright.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” – Nick nodded slightly, still puzzled and unsure what was going on with him.

Troy turned around then, managing to stagger those few steps towards the exit and uttering the last ‘’Good night, Nick” before quietly closing the wooden door behind him.

 

 

Nick woke up from a disturbing yellow light heating his face up. He grunted and rolled on his bed to hide his head into the pillow. It was dark then, even when he opened his eyes. The boy blinked, still covered with colorful blanket of dream world. He moaned when he felt hot sun rays again and suddenly it hit him. The memory of his last night dream came back to his mind like some distant event or a moment from the childhood you suddenly remember without even trying. It was obscure and vague, the face he’d dreamt about, but he remembered the voice. It belonged to Troy, Nick could swear. The familiar voice was talking to him, slow and calm, causing his dream land to shine with different colors. It was bright and fascinating, no blood or pain. Nick was able to remember his voice that gave him weird tingling in his stomach and the feeling was much more powerful than anything he’d even felt. Nick breathed out and closed his eyes again, he wasn’t sure why. He somehow wanted to go back there, in that dream and stay there if possible even for a few more minutes. Nick usually didn’t remember his dreams and that might have been because of his insomnia but this one was so positive and pleasant, he was willing to be seeing that exact dream every night for the rest of his days. Nothing more, just that familiar voice talking to him and the colorful lights filling his soul with emotions that he’d never experienced before. He wasn’t even sure how this feeling was called, if it had a name at all.

Nick stood up and got dressed, the clothes Miguel had given him were already washed and placed on his counter near the bed. He brushed his blond long strands behind his ear and opened the wooden door. The hospital was silent, although Nick knew Ben and Miguel must have been on a run. They should have left that morning, after Nick and Troy’s not so productive hunt. He walked down the long stairs in hope to find someone on first floor, the boy didn’t want to go knocking on doors and bother the other member of their group who might have been sleeping. He didn’t have a watch and had no idea what time it could have been.

When Nick entered the waiting room, he found Sam and Elena there, eating and talking with Elias and Ricardo. The boy approached them with a happy smile lighting up his face and sat himself on one of these old chairs that used to be blue back in days. Now they were no longer blue but gray.

They greeted Nick with wide smiles, asking him where he’d been this whole time. The boy found it strange but then they let him know that it was already noon.

“You are an early bird,” – Sam noticed smiling – “what happened? Have you been so exhausted after the run?”

Nick raised his eyebrow, creating a questioning expression.

“What? Did I miss something?” – He asked, eyeing the people around him.

“No, you didn’t miss anything, you’ve just been sleeping half a day” – The girl answered shaking her head nonchalantly and grabbed at a small mug standing on the table.

Nick frowned.

“Where’re the others?” – The boy asked after a short silence.

Elena offered him some vegetables from the can, putting them on a plastic plate for him.

“Camila is in the hospital warehouse, sorting medical supplies again, Abbie is in Lucas’s room playing with him,” – Sam was the one to answer again, the others were busy eating – “Miguel and Ben left early in the morning, taking your friend with them as well.”

Nick raised his head from the plate, looking in the girl’s big brown eyes.

“Troy left?”

“Yeah, he volunteered to join them,” – Sam answered with a shrug.

Nick hung his head again, staring down at his vegetables with no appetite, although he had been thinking he was hungry.

“Have you had too much to drink last night?” – Samantha asked with a sly smile, her accent audible, forcing Nick’s attention back – “Did you have fun?”

Nick looked at her like she was talking the language he couldn’t understand.

“What?”

Sam’s grin widened.

“Yeah, we’ve had a few drinks but…” – Nick shook his head in misunderstanding and shrugged.

“I’m just making fun of you, Nick” – She said simply and chuckled.

Although Nick was still confused, not understanding what was so funny about it, he chose not to go into details.

“Did they say when they'd be back?” – He dared to ask one more question, keeping his eyes fixed on his plate and foolishly playing with those vegetables using his fork.

“They’ll be back before dawn, don’t worry.”

The part ‘’don’t worry’’ was uttered with a different tone, somehow highlighted, Nick could notice. He stayed silent though, nodding his head in understanding and finally starting to eat his meal unenthusiastically.  

 

 

They returned when it was already getting dark, when Nick was sitting in his room near the open window and smoking his last cigarette. He knew they were back when he heard the machine roar from the road and the boy looked out of the window, noticing Ben’s car approaching the hospital. Nick took the last drag of his burnt out cigarette, exhaling the smoke and throwing the yellow filter outside. He reached the door in a hurry and after opening it, he almost ran down the long stairs. His heart started to race in anticipation. Nick didn’t care about the supplies they could have brought, he just wanted to see Troy alive and unharmed.

He was there, entering the building after Ben and Miguel, holding some cardboard boxes just like the other two man. He was wearing his old clothes again, the ones he’d worn while they were at the Bazaar. When Nick caught a glimpse of him, he froze and felt how his heart started pounding harder and faster. It might also have been because he’d ran down these stairs, he wasn’t sure anymore. Troy looked serious and tired, his attention fully concentrated on loading those boxes inside the hospital and the other boy took his chance to study his movements. He was looking without even blinking, catching everything, not missing anything.

When Troy was inside the building and done with carrying the supplies from the run, Nick found himself walking towards him. The boy greeted Ben and Miguel, asking them briefly about the day, however the only person he wanted to talk now was Troy.

When he managed to break himself free from Miguel’s high-pitched and cheerful voice, he approached the boy sitting on the chair. Troy was breathing deeply and he looked exhausted, his face sweaty and his hair messy. Nick stood near him and looked down at his friend.

“Hey.”

“Hey” – Troy answered with rise of his eyebrows.

“You haven’t told me you were planning to leave today.”

Troy shook his head.

“I didn’t know myself, decided this morning.”

“So, how did it go?” – Nick asked smiling, crossing his hands near his chest.

“Fine, actually. We found stuff.”

Nick nodded.

“What about you? How was _your_ day?” – The older boy asked after a short silence.

They were left alone in the waiting room now, all the others heading towards the third floor.

“The only good thing I’ve done today was playing with Lucas, in fact.”

Troy suddenly got up, leaning on the armchair with his palms and straightening up.

“Let’s go upstairs” – He suggested and turned around, walking towards the dark corner of the room where those long stairs were beginning.

They walked the stairs without a word. When they were on the third floor, Nick felt himself getting excited again without a reason. He was slowly getting used to this, he’d casually find himself agitated and nervous around Troy recently.

“What about our plan for tomorrow?” – Nick reminded – “You wanna go or do you prefer to get some rest? It’s alright if you don’t wanna go, we have enough supplies, we don’t…”

“Yeah, we’ll go,” – The taller boy interrupted – “I’ll be fine after six hours of sleep.”

When they were walking along the dark corridor, Troy suddenly reached for his pants pocket, putting something out and stretching his hand for Nick.

“Here, I’ve got something for you.”

Nick glanced at his palm and although it was dark, he could notice the pack of red ‘’Marlboro’’ Troy was holding.

Nick’s eyes went wide with astonishment and he eyed his friend up and down.

“I have more but I left them in the car. I’ll grab them tomorrow.”

Troy stopped near his door, reminding Nick to take control over his body once again. He stopped as well, gazing down at his friend’s open palm.

“You… I can’t believe you brought me cigarettes. You secretly wish for my death?” – Nick blurted out, suspiciously looking up at his friend.

“What?” – Troy frowned suddenly.

“I’m just kidding, Troy!” – Nick said with a grin.

“I don’t know, ‘cause I can give them to Elias, if you don’t want them, he’d be thankful” – The taller boy teased, his brows still furrowed.

“Yeah, ‘course I want them!” – Nick raised his hand up, taking the pack from his palm and gazing at his friend again – “You have no idea how _bad_ I want them. I’ve just smoked my last one.”

Troy snorted, reminding the other boy about the forgotten details of his dream. It hit him hard, familiar chills running down his spine, that weird tingling in his stomach like butterflies. Or not, it couldn’t have been the butterflies, it was much more powerful, bigger and stronger than the wings of butterflies. He remembered Troy moaning, his voice forcing Nick’s blood run down into his groin. It hit him like a giant wave and he was floating suddenly, befuddled, relaxed, dazed and completely lost. It was better than any drug - the thought crossed Nick’s mind all of a sudden. And how would it be to actually hear it, to actually feel it…

“Thank you” – Nick uttered, looking in his big blue eyes, still bright even in the dim light.

“We’ve cleared some store. These were all over that place, I just grabbed them,” – Troy said with a shrug – “not a big deal.”

Yeah, right, “Just grabbed them”, like cigarettes fall from the sky during the zombie apocalypse.

Nick was staring at him, smile stuck on his lips, the memory of that dream and Troy’s vulnerable expression making him numb and dizzy. He wanted to thank him properly though, so he moved closer to his friend. Suddenly he found himself hugging Troy, his arms wrapped around his waist, his face resting near his neck. Troy flinched and let out a quiet, weird grunt but he didn’t push him away.

“Still. Thank you…” – Nick whispered.

He suddenly felt Troy’s hands on his back. He was unsure and slow, and he was nervous, Nick could feel his heartbeat. He found himself smiling when the other boy finally dared and hugged him back, no matter if his palms were slightly touching Nick’s waist, no matter if he wasn’t embracing him like that night when they were surrounded by walkers. It was still worth it. It still felt amazing. It still felt better than any other hug Nick had ever received. When they broke apart and entered the different rooms, Nick could still feel the warmth of Troy’s body, spreading all over him and giving him goosebumps. When they separated and entered their rooms, Nick was sure he was going to have those weird and colorful wet dreams again.

 

 


	12. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back with a new chapter!  
> I have this problem when it comes to past tenses, and I'm pretty sure there are grammar mistakes in this chapter, so forgive me! You can correct them if you want, I'm trying to improve my English ;)  
> Let me know what you think, feel free to share your opinion with me!  
> Next chapter will be finished by the end of this week.  
> Enjoy! ^_^

Nick was sitting in a front passenger seat and Troy was driving the car. The older boy announced that Nick wasn’t a good driver and he didn’t argue, he just gave his friend a hurt look. Actually he didn’t mind if Troy was the one to drive, because sitting there and gazing out of the side window while the loud aggressive music was playing, could be surprisingly relaxing. They were heading back home from the run. Nick couldn’t believe two weeks had passed since their arrival at the hospital. Everything they had left behind seemed so distant, like a long forgotten nightmare frightened by the morning sun. Those events were now just blurry unpleasant images covered with fog and Nick wasn’t going to look back. He was feeling like home at the hospital and those people had become his new group. Troy was also these, he stayed as well.

They were returning from the run. The boys had left the hospital last morning, heading east, full of energy and ready for a new adventure. Nick was being positive, he had a good feeling about this trip, because the last one had been very successful. The boy appeared to be right, he and Troy found a bar full or corpses this time and they cleared it from all the gaseous beverages that were still untouched and kept fresh. They didn’t even need to use their knives or guns, everyone had been already dead inside the bar, but Nick killed a few walkers after leaving the place, while Troy was loading the boxes into the car. Nick could already imagine Lucas’s face expression when he would find out what they’d found for him. Kids normally love soft drinks like ‘’Coke’’, ‘’Pepsi’’, ‘’Fanta’’and different kinds of fruit juices Nick wasn’t familiar with. He was just somehow sure that the child had to like these kinds of stuff, even though he had never enjoyed them as a kid.

They stopped to spend the night in a small house in the wilderness after killing its owner. It would sound strange if not the apocalypse. But the owner had been already long dead and the creature he’d become looked nothing like human anymore. So it was perfectly alright to kill him once again, Nick thought to himself, cutting the thick rope. The groaning body fell on the wooden floor, making it squeak disturbingly. Killing this creature would be even right, it would be an act of mercy to free his tortured soul from this rotting body. So the boy grabbed at his gray hair to straighten him up and stabbed the knife into the skull. The man stopped his miserable groans instantly when the knife penetrated his braincase. Nick let go of his hair, staring down at him for a second. Then he felt Troy’s presence, the boy was standing near the door, gazing at him silently.

“Help me get rid of the body” – Nick announced, and it would also sound suspicious if not the apocalypse. They were just intending to move the body to the other room, so they could sleep peacefully and without the smell of death and decay filling their lungs.

They opened the broken windows, so the smell of dead body that had been hanging there for weeks would leave the room. They checked the living room after that and sat themselves around the small wooden table. Nick opened the cans Camila had prepared for them that morning, and they started to eat.

After finishing their dinner for two, Nick returned into the bedroom and started to scan the man’s wardrobe. He needed new shoes and was so desperate, he would wear anything. But he preferred something comfortable naturally, something that wouldn’t betray if he needed to run. He found three pairs of loafers, strange looking sandals and a pair of old, worn sneakers. Just when he was already going to give up, the boy noticed butterscotch colored leather boots. Nick reached through all those old shirts and coats and stretched his hand to grab at those boots. When he found out that they were not torn and without holes, he let out a cry of triumph. They were old but still in a good condition, made from high-quality leather. They seemed a bit large for Nick but this was a perfect discovery anyway. He sat himself down on the floor, right there near the closet and started to struggle with his own shoelaces. When Troy opened the door which was left slightly ajar, he sighed and rolled his eyes, looking down at Nick who seemed just as excited as a little kid in a chocolate factory.

“I’m surprised you didn’t undress the old man. He was wearing _slippers_ , don’t you need them?”

Nick looked up at him unenthusiastically and threw his old shoes away, grabbing at those boots instead and quickly trying them on.

“Yes, perfect!” – The younger boy murmured with a grin.

Troy shook his head slowly, annoyed expression on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, they were destined for your feet,” – Troy teased with a smirk – “now get your ass over here, Cinderella, we’ll be sleeping in the living room. It stink in here.”

The air still rank with the smell of rotten body, and it wasn’t going anywhere, no matter if they opened every window in the house. The living room seemed like the best option, so they locked themselves in there. The room was small and comfortable with a tiny wooden table, TV that was just an useless black box in the new world, and one folding sofa which would be their bed for that night. After opening the sofa, it looked big enough for both of them. At least it was still better than sleeping on the seats of their car, so they decided to stay in the living room.

Nick threw himself on the sofa and breathed out a tiny moan of satisfaction. He grabbed at one of the small pillows and put it under his head. Then he stared at Troy with intense gaze. The older boy placed his machine gun on a small table and approached the sofa slowly. He sat himself down on the other end of the bed, not even looking at Nick. When Troy was finally in a horizontal position, he gripped at his knife and put it down on the sofa, near his head. The pillow under Nick’s nape was hard and uncomfortable but he didn’t mind, he wasn’t going to complain. He’d learned to be thankful for what he had and accept it patiently.

“We’re gonna drive back first thing in the morning” – Troy announced, informing the other boy about something he’d already known.

“Yeah,” – Nick agreed, looking up at the dirty ceiling – “can’t wait to see Lucas’s face expression when he finds out about all of this stuff we got for him.”

“I thought these drinks were for you,” – Troy noticed in response with an ironic tone of voice – “you seemed delighted.”

Nick turned his head to look at his friend.

“I bet Lucas’s face expression will be something similar to yours, when you saw those ‘’Fanta’’ bottles,” – Troy continued, teasing grin lighting his face up – “how old are you again, Nicky?”

Nick knew that Troy was being either ironic or making fun of him when he called him ‘’Nicky’’ but he wasn’t getting upset about it. Troy’s sarcastic attitude wasn’t hurting him, it was doing the opposite actually. Nick was getting excited and agitated when hearing that ‘’Nicky’’ leaving his lips. It was making him want to smile for some reason, it was improving his mood every time he heared his name uttered in such way only Troy was able to pronounce.

“Shut up!” – Nick protested not even sounding angry. He felt his face breaking into a smile, similar to the one that appeared on his lips when Troy suddenly announced: ‘’you stayed at the ranch because you love me’’.

He heard Troy’s quiet chuckle and felt a powerful positive emotion warming his heart. Every time he was hearing Troy laugh, something inside of him was whispering that everything was going to be alright. It was a strange but pleasant feeling and he wanted to believe to that sound. His voice was like a lullaby from the distant childhood, long forgotten but still familiar. Troy’s voice was making Nick feel better and he couldn’t get enough of it.

They were lying on their backs now, those little uncomfortable pillows under their heads, and they were both looking up at the ceiling that had water spots and dirt stains on it. Then Troy rolled on the sofa, turning around and facing the light brown wall instead. Nick glanced at him, studying his broad shoulders silently.

“Goodnight, Troy” – He whispered and turned around to his left side, taking the same position as his friend.

The other boy breathed out a quiet ‘’night’’ for Nick. They were lying there, too close to each other, inches away from each other. Nick could almost feel the heat of Troy’s body. He stared at his back quietly – he was wearing that olive green shirt Nick liked so much and his blond messy curls were resting on that uncomfortable pillow. Nick stared at him silently, feeling himself calmer and slowly drifting off to sleep, to that colorful land of dreams, hoping his friend would also be there.

 

 

Now they were in the car, taking those drinks with different flavors home. They hadn’t find any food but Nick was still satisfied with the results of their journey. Besides, the group still had some supplies left from the store they cleared two weeks ago and Ben with Miguel were definitely going to find something on their next run.

When the boys parked the car near the hospital, Camila welcomed them with Elias and Ricardo and they helped them carry the packs of drinks inside. Before they would load the boxes into the room where they usually were keeping supplies, Nick opened one of them and took out the orange bottle. Sam and Elena who were in charge of food, didn’t mind of course, since they knew exactly for whom that ‘’Fanta’’ was intended. Besides, Nick was the one who brought the drinks, so they wouldn’t say anything anyway. When Troy noticed the boy heading toward the stairs with the orange bottle, he didn’t need any further explanation. The older boy stared at him with wide grin and shook his head deliberately. Nick hid his smile behind his long blond strands and turned to the stairs again. He quickly walked them up, not to give Troy opportunity to come up with something sarcastic and original to call out for him.

Lucas’s door was open and Nick noticed him immediately when he appeared on the third floor. The kid was sitting on his bed and playing with Abbie who had made herself comfortable on Miguel’s firm mattresses on the floor. Nick took his time to check on those two quietly. Their attention was fully absorbed by the game they were playing, and then Lucas chuckled, grabbing at one of the figurines.

“No, you can’t do that” – Abbie protested with excitement – “you can’t be Han Solo, _I_ am Han Solo.”

“You are a terrible Han Solo” – Lucas murmured with accent and a wide grin, hiding the figurine behind his back with both of his hands.

Nick heard the girl’s disappointed ‘’ouch’’ and the boy headed towards the room, entering it and looking down at Abbie with a knowing smile.

“Oh, hey Nick” – The blond girl smiled back, returning her gaze at Lucas again – “this Jedi is cheating, tell him he can’t break the rules.”

The kid shook his head, sill hiding the figurine from Abbie.

Nick sat down next to Lucas and ruffled his dark hair.

“He _can_ break the rules actually, because these rules are made by him,” – Nick argued with a rise of his brow – “he can do whatever he wants, he’s Luke Skywalker, girl!”

“Thanks Nick, you’re a big help” – Abbie rolled her eyes and gave up, heaving a sigh and brushing her long blond hair behind her ears.

Nick reached for his jacket’s pocket and pulled out a small plastic bottle.

“Look what Troy found for you today.”

Nick studied his face carefully, noticing how Lucas’s eyes went wide suddenly. He stretched his hands, totally forgetting about Han Solo and took the bottle, looking at it with a happy grin, like he still wasn’t believing it was real.

“Thank you!” – The kid almost shouted suddenly.

“You should thank Troy,” – Nick replied with a smile – “he said he misses playing with you.”

“He really wants to play with me?” – Lucas asked and raised his eyebrows.

“Of course he does! Let me go search for him. We’ll be back with some food” – Nick answered and stood up, walking towards the open door – “Abbie, we’ll replace you, you should be hungry.”

The girl looked up at him and shook her head with a thankful smile.

When Nick went downstairs Troy was sitting in the waiting room and having a conversation with Ben. The group was going to have lunch, Sam and Elena were putting cans on the table and preparing plates for all of them. Nick approached Troy from behind and grabbed at his shoulder. The older boy flinched and looked at him with furrowed brows.

“Take your food, we’re eating upstairs”- Nick told him and turned to the table, eyeing the cans and searching for something to eat.

“Why?”

“Lucas wants to thank you.”

“Thank me for what?”

The younger boy turned his head to him then.

“For being a cool adult who likes to play with little kids” – He said grinning, anticipating his friend’s reaction.

“No, Nick!” – Troy refused, shaking his head.

“Come on, help me carry these upstairs” – Nick ignored his answer and nodded his head in the direction of the table.

“Let’s just eat here,” – Troy begged, his face somehow hopeless, like he already knew the verdict. He was still trying though, giving Nick that look of a hurt little kid. Although Nick liked that look so much, he couldn’t let Troy win.

“It’ll be fun,” – Nick smiled and handed him three plates – “you’ll see.”

Troy breathed out deeply and with that he surrendered.

“Boys! Tell Lucas not to worry, I’ll be upstairs soon. And don’t let him run around the room like a madman” – Nick heard Miguel’s high-pitched voice when they were walking towards the stairs. He promised to do what he asked with a loud ‘’ok’’.

Nick was spending a lot of his free time with Lucas, so he was already aware of the rules. The kid couldn’t do anything that would make him too excited or angry, anything that would affect his heartbeat in any way. Nick knew these rules very well and he could also understand why Miguel was worried. When the man was gone on a run, someone would choose to stay with his kid at night, or just be attentive and check on him time to time. Given Nick’s sleep disorder, mostly  _he_ appeared to be that someone. So every time he would wake up at night, he entered Lucas’s room silently and listened to his breathing for a few minutes. After making sure the kid was alive and fine, he would go back to his cold bed and try to go to sleep again. This had become like a routine for him.

Soon enough Nick and Troy were sitting on Miguel’s mattresses on the floor with the plastic plates on their laps. Lucas was eating his rice with vegetables but it wasn’t stopping him from arguing with Troy.

“No, you don’t understand,” – The kid said with a slight shake of his head, chewing his vegetables – “you are wrong.”

“Then you explain, how can he fly when he doesn’t even have wings?” – Troy gasped, looking at him with distrust.

“He just can!” – Lucas insisted.

Nick glanced at his friend who was sitting with legs crossed and plastic plate on his lap. The sun rays coming from outside were providing the small room with light, warming it up. Suddenly Nick felt comfortable - the sensation you get when you’re home, the feeling of peacefulness and calmness, and it filled his soul with some warm and long forgotten emotion. When Troy looked back at him and held his gaze, Nick took his time to study the unique color of his eyes. Troy’s eyes were brighter blue now, illuminated by sunlight. Nick couldn’t notice the waves in them and he dared to think that maybe his friend, too, was sensing that powerful force, maybe Troy was feeling like home too. 

“Maybe, but I still don’t like that character” – Troy managed to blurt out after breaking eye contact with Nick and looking back at the kid.

Lucas seemed excited again, not willing to give up this easily.

“You _must_ like him, he’s a superhero!” – Lucas answered with accent, sounding defensive – “He can do everything and he’s not afraid of anything.”

“I bet he’d piss his pants if he saw a single zombie” – Troy replied suddenly, a little smirk appearing on his face.

“Troy…” – Nick tried to cut him off suddenly, not wanting him to offend the kid or make him sad. Because Troy really could be impulsive and tactless sometimes, plus his lack of experience and knowledge of how to behave with children. Nick was expecting him to blurt out something rude that would hurt Lucas but he appeared to be wrong.

“But _you_ aren’t,” – Troy continued, his attention now fully concentrated on Lucas – “you’re not afraid of those zombies, right? And they’re _really_ scary and creepy, man, even for me! So this means that you’re cooler than that stupid superhero of yours” – He concluded with a shrug.

Nick glanced at his friend with raised eyebrows. His answer took him by surprise. He quickly gazed back at Lucas to check his reaction. The child’s face broke into a wide happy smile. He seemed amused and flustered, and even a bit shy.

“I’m glad we figured this out,” – Troy added, grabbing at his plastic fork again – “now let’s eat.”

Nick winked at Lucas, who seemed satisfied with how the conversation ended. Then the boy caught a sight of Troy’s tiny smile out of the corner of his eye. They continued to eat in a comfortable silence, until Miguel knocked on the door to say goodbye to his son before leaving.

 

 

Ben and Miguel left that afternoon, saying they would be back by tomorrow morning. Nick decided to take a shower and get himself cleaned. Elena had returned his clothes to him after washing them, and the boy couldn’t wait to change. After he was done with showering and was in clean layers again, he informed Troy that the bathroom was vacant. The older boy, too, wanted to get rid of all the sweat and dirt, so he just nodded and crossed the hallway, heading towards the bathroom.

Nick brushed his wet hair away from his face and behind his ears. His hair was now almost the same length it was before he’d cut it. The reason he had done that was not so clear even to Nick himself. Maybe he just got tired of his long hair and was feeling uncomfortable, or maybe there was something else. Although he’d been trying to get closer to Troy that time, to gain his trust and become the part of his ‘’crew’’, Nick wasn’t sure what was the real purpose behind his actions. Was he just planning to trick the other boy or was there something else hidden behind that show he’d become the part of. He was thinking he had been playing that time, just manipulating and protecting his family from the danger named Troy. But now, when remembering, Nick wasn’t sure that it was all about his ‘’enemies closer’’ plan. Deep down he had liked Troy even from the very beginning, he could sense it, the strange feeling of knowing him getting stronger and stronger with each passing day. Nick simply smiled when Troy suddenly announced that Nick’s real reason for staying at the ranch was his love towards him. The younger boy didn’t deny, he just smiled back, like they were actually joking around. Nick wasn’t sure now, maybe he smiled because deep down he knew his friend’s suggestion was closer to reality than all the other reasons Nick chose to believe in.

So Nick brushed his long wet strands behind his ear and thought that maybe he had cut it to look more like troy, to get his approval and sympathy. It sounded stupid even in his own mind, even as a simple idea, but it would make sense. Nick actually enjoyed those times, he really liked being the part of Troy’s group, he liked ‘’playing’’ Troy’s friend, slowly forgetting that all of that supposed to be just a game.

Now Madison was no longer there to remind him that Troy was the enemy they needed to control, and Nick knew he was his friend. However he still was trying to win his approval or sympathy, like a little kid trying to please his parents. This was stupid, Nick knew he didn’t need to try harder to make Troy proud of him or something, but he was catching himself wanting to please him anyway, wanting to be closer to him and good enough for him. He even started to worry about how he looked recently, the realization made him angry at himself. He was being pathetic, Nick never really cared about how he looked before. He was acting like a teenage girl, Nick cursed himself silently. He couldn’t manage to understand the reason for his weird behavior and thinking about it was confusing him even more. That’s why he stopped there, leaving his white silent room and heading downstairs where he found the others playing cards. 

Shortly afterwards Nick was sitting on one of those gray chairs which used to be blue, with Lucas on his lap. The kid was ‘’helping’’ him play, tilting his head and trying to catch a glimpse of Sam’s cards. From time to time they played this old game Nick was sure he’d already forgotten, although he was winning almost every time. He was really good at it, he was winning once again.

When Troy appeared and slowly walked towards them, Nick felt his heart racing. The boy was wearing that olive green shirt again, with his blue jacket from the Bazaar and those tight jeans. His curly hair was wet and messy, and Nick suddenly felt the urge to run his fingers through it, just like that one time when they’d been drunk.

“Hey, wake up!” – Sam’s voice forced his attention back on the table – “your move.”

Troy approached Nick’s chair and looked down at his cards with curiosity.

“Sit down” – Nick offered, nodding his head in the direction of the free chair next to him.

“What’s the point of playing, he’s gonna win anyway!” – Abbie complained all of a sudden, throwing an angry look at Nick.

Troy was suddenly sitting next to the younger boy, eyeing the table silently.

“He’s lucky” – Sam decided, suspiciously gazing at the boys sitting next to each other – “Lucky at cards _and_ lucky in love.”

Nick raised his head to look at her. Samantha had that sly smile on her lips like she knew something the others had no idea of. Nick took a second to guess what was that she knew but he wasn’t given time, Elias was demanding for him to finally make his move.

Nick threw a card on the table and dared to look at Troy sitting close to him. The boy still had that tired and unamused expression on his face and Nick decided he didn’t hear Sam’s strange comment. Yes, he definitely missed it, Nick breathed out a sigh of relief, he wasn’t sure why. Even if Troy heard what the girl said, it didn’t mean anything, he wouldn’t understand it anyway. There was nothing to be worry about, Nick tried to remain calm and concentrate on his cards instead, even though his fate was decided right away when Troy entered the room. Nick was being fidgety and lightheaded now, thinking about how good Troy smelled.

“Oh, you’re _so_ gonna lose this one!” – Nick heard Samantha’s voice and threw a quick glance at her. She was still wearing that knowing smile.

She appeared to be damn right, Nick lost the game, making everyone happy, except Troy and Lucas of course. Troy didn’t really care, and Lucas was just being faithful. He was still sitting on Nick’s lap, telling him that it was alright and promising to spy on the others' cards again. Nick glanced at Troy and when the younger boy found him staring, his heart skipped a beat. Troy quickly turned his head and avoided Nick’s eyes, abruptly announcing that he also wanted to play.

 

 


	13. They Escaped The Weight Of Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! New chapter is here for you guys! ;)  
> First of all, I wanna say that this is one of my favorite chapters so far, but you're gonna get more and better ones soon! ^_^  
> Please, tell me what you think, you're free to ask anything or just write down your thoughts for me :)  
> (Again, sorry for possible mistakes)  
> Enjoy!

Nick woke up in the middle of the night but he wasn’t sure, he never liked clocks. Who needs clocks especially in the zombie apocalypse, not that you have to worry you’ll be late for work. The boy knew it was midnight because it was still dark outside, all the horror of new world hiding behind the black curtains, children of the night wandering in the shadows like millions of lost souls without any direction or destination.

Nick reached for his pants and shirt, deciding to quickly check on Lucas and then smoke a cigarette. This was what he’s usually do when waking up in the middle of the night. Nick volunteered to sleep in Lucas’s room last night after they were exhausted with playing, but as always, Abbie didn’t let him. Either she or Samantha were usually the ones staying with the kid while Miguel was gone, the girls didn’t want to leave him alone. Besides, Nick with his sleep disorder could be a little problem, especially when he was awakening from the nightmare, all in sweat and panting. The boy wasn’t sure but he would suppose he was sometimes opening his eyes and hearing his own yelps and whimpers. The nightmares were not so frequent though, usually he was just finding it hard to drift off, rolling and torturing himself with all the methods of falling asleep he’d heard about as a kid – count sheep or count backwards from hundred, no matter, it wasn’t helpful at all. Nightmares or just dark nothingness, Nick wouldn’t skip a night without waking up at least one time. Even when he was having these weird colorful dreams about Troy, he vaguely remembered sweating and panting in his dark room, struggling to understand whether it was a dream or he was just hallucinating again, even though he hadn’t taken drugs since the first night at the hospital.

Nick got up, opened his wooden door and walked along the corridor on tiptoe. He was still dizzy and slow, rubbing his eyes with his fingers and yawning. When he was in front of Lucas’s room, Nick pushed it very quietly and deliberately and peeked inside. He couldn’t see anything except the big dark void until he opened the door wide. The boy walked inside and took a few steps forwards, quietly approaching the bed. Nick found it empty. He blinked, considering the possibility of him being asleep again. Then he heard a very quiet, little moan, penetrating his mind like a sharp knife. Nick thought he was going to faint when he saw two silhouettes on the floor near the window. The room around him started spinning again and he felt nauseous. Nick couldn’t comprehend properly what he was witnessing, but when he finally realized, the shock made his body numb. He was shaking violently, his mind a complete mess. Nick dared to think he was having a nightmare and he closed his eyes for a second, only to open them and see the same thing. He wished it was a nightmare, he would give anything for it to be just a horrible dream, but what Nick was staring down at was very real. From that angle he could only see his back, because the kid was facing the wall, and Abbie’s legs. Nick was able to recognize her shoes.

The sounds he was hearing were echoing in the dark room, tearing Nick’s soul apart. He froze and went numb, like time had also stopped for him.

When the kid raised his head and turned his face, distracted by the helpless grunt that escaped Nick’s throat, the boy noticed blood spilling from his open mouth. His face went wild suddenly and he groaned, jerking his body away from the girl and standing up slowly. Who needed the watch, Nick was pretty sure that time stopped when he saw Lucas’s empty, cold eyes. They were the same shape but different color - white.

Nick felt his body moving, taking a step back. He wasn’t sure, was it the instinct? The small silhouette in the shadows was stretching his little hands like he was drowning and trying to clutch at something to save himself. Nick took another step back, the sight of it making his legs weak. When he heard another painful groan, he hit the wall with his back. Nick turned around, still facing the child slowly reaching after him, leaving blood drops on the floor. 

Nick reached for his belt unconsciously, only to be reminded that his knife was still resting on a counter near his bed. He started to take slow and unsteady steps towards the open door. He couldn’t think of anything else except the little creature that was following him with horrible whimpers. Every one of those sounds was stabbing Nick’s heart, and making his body shudder. He would flinch every time the kid groaned.

Dark hallway was still spinning and Nick could feel his strength slowly leaving him, he was struggling not to faint. He couldn’t pass out, he knew he couldn’t give up on walking. When he found himself near his door, Nick pushed it open, reaching for his knife on the counter.

The kid was leaving blood stains on his way. He was near Nick’s door already, slowly getting closer. The kid opened his mouth and groaned again, grabbing at Nick’s shirt. The boy knew he couldn’t save him, Lucas died in his sleep, and this soulless creature was just an insult to his memory.

Nick took hold of his shoulder to force him still and looked at him once again, like he was still desperately checking that the kid was really dead. The creature was staring back with wide empty eyes. The boy swallowed thickly, gathering his last strength, and with a single quick move of his hand, Nick laid him down to sleep.

 

 

Troy was sleeping peacefully, blanket wrapped around his bare shoulders, exposing his back. Nick hesitantly reached his hand to touch his shoulder slightly. Troy exhaled and twitched, quickly raising his head.

“Nick?”

Troy was always like this, he would flinch every time Nick was waking him up, like he was always prepared for the worst. The younger boy had no time and strength to feel bad for disturbing him, not tonight.

“What…” – Troy relaxed a bit when he found the intruder of his dreams – “what happened?” – He asked, his voice deep and raspy.

“Troy…” – Nick started, swallowing hard, his head painfully spinning – “you gotta get up.”

“What?” – Troy blurted out and rolled around.

Nick shook his head stupidly, not managing to find words to inform his friend about what he’d just been through.

Troy stood up on the bed, reaching for a counter and grabbing at his pants, still uncoordinated and sleepy.

“You alright? Is everything okay?” – He asked while quickly putting his shirt on.

Nick blinked, staring at his friend silently.

“I killed him” – He uttered finally.

Nick was not sure he was going to say that in the first place. The words were now leaving his mouth like he was not in control of his mind anymore.

“Huh?” – Troy frowned and got up from his bed, hesitantly stretching his hand to touch Nick’s shoulder.

The other boy went silent again, not responding.

“Nick, what happened?!” – Troy seemed excited now, tilting his head to try to look out from the open door but still not wanting to leave Nick’s side – “Walkers?” – He asked and quickly bent down, grabbing his knife from the counter.

Nick shook his head.

“Lucas.”

Troy’s eyes widened and Nick was able to see it even in the dim light of the room. His friend ran towards the door without a word. Nick didn’t move, standing there in front of Troy’s bed and shaking in anticipation of his friend finding the body lying near the door. He heard Troy’s voice shortly afterwards, quiet ‘’Oh, god!’’, and as if with that Nick finally was forced to believe – Lucas was gone for good, and all of this was real.

Nick moved his body that felt too heavy and slowly got out of the room, noticing Troy bent down on his knee near the body. He was probably trying to figure out what happened. When he noticed Nick, he looked up and quickly approached him.

“Nick, did someone else…”

“Abbie,” – he whispered, not daring to look back in the direction of his wooden door – “I should have been there…”

“Nick! Nick, look at me,” – Troy begged when hearing Nick’s voice that sounded even weaker now – “I’m gonna take care of Abbie now. I’ll be back in a second.”

Nick shook his head again, not fully comprehending what his friend was telling him. Then he felt Troy’s palm touching his check, desperate for Nick’s attention.

“Look at me, you can’t panic now!” – Troy pleaded, his eyes searching for Nick’s – “I’ll be right back, okay?”

The younger boy studied his eyes quietly, finally nodding his head in approval. When Troy moved his hand away from his face, Nick felt like a house left without a foundation, slowly collapsing, his feet going weaker. He leaned against the wall and his body moved down slowly. He was then sitting on the cold floor with his legs open, trying to stop his body from shaking.

Nick wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there senseless but eventually he started to hear voices and the doors of the rooms started to make cracking sounds, disturbing his messed up thoughts. Familiar faces appeared from all around him and the noises were getting louder. He thought he heard someone’s half scream followed by long cry. Nick couldn’t dare to look up, he just chose not to see and not to hear anything. Then suddenly someone was kneeling in front of him, tilting his head and searching for his eyes. Nick recognized the dark blue shirt and looked up at his friend.

“Nick…” – Troy studied his face, opening his mouth to say something, even though Nick could clearly see he was out of words.

Troy closed his mouth and touched Nick’s shoulder instead, slowly putting his fingers under his friend’s armpits. Nick let him. There was no way he was going to stand up on his own. With Troy’s help he was on his feet again, older boy holding him tight.

Nick glanced over at the door of his room, noticing Elias with the child’s lifeless body in his arms. Nick felt a painful lump stuck in his throat and he was out of air, everything around him started spinning again. He staggered but Troy had his arm wrapped around Nick’s waist, holding him tight.

“It’s alright, I got you” – He heard a familiar voice softly murmuring.

“Can I stay in your room for some time?” – Nick asked, his voice cracking and fading into a whisper.

“Yeah. Yeah, sure.”

Troy was now slowly leading him along the corridor to his room.

Nick didn’t look away when they reached the door but he could notice from the corner of his eye that Elias was no longer there. When Troy helped him into the room, Nick turned around towards the bed. His friend got the hint and sat him dawn on a mattress, kneeling in front of him.

“Nick, I’m so sorry. Do you wanna… talk about it?”

The younger boy raised his head to look at him. He saw empathy and sorrow.

“What time is it?” – The words left Nick’s mouth unintentionally, completely unrelated to the conversation they were about to have.   

Troy blinked but looked at his watch anyway.

“Six am.”

Nick nodded and lifted his body to lay himself down on Troy’s bed.

“I need some sleep.”

Troy straightened himself up immediately, grabbing his blanket and wrapping it around the lying boy.

“Yeah, get some rest. I’ll go, help the others with…” – Troy paused – “The room’s a mess, Miguel shouldn’t see all the blood.”

Remembering about Miguel created another torturous wave of pain attacking Nick’s body and mind. He rolled on to his left side, griped at the blanket and yanked it over his body, hiding behind it so that only his head was visible.

“Are you gonna be alright?” – Troy’s soft voice sounded again. He seemed worried, Nick could notice, even though he was clearly trying to remain calm.

“Yeah” – Nick answered and only then the other boy turned around, slowly walking towards the door. Nick’s gaze followed him until he disappeared out of view, throwing a final worried look at the lying boy and closing the door behind.

Nick pulled the blanket over his head and closed his eyes.  

 

 

Nick walked down the stairs. He was heading towards the first floor and he was already certain - the boy simply needed to numb his pain.

In attempt to avoid the waiting room, so he wouldn’t run into someone from the group, he'd chosen those narrow stairs at the end of the corridor. However, the boy couldn’t manage to sneak out without being noticed. Sam’s voice caused him to freeze and Nick felt like someone who got caught at the crime scene. He turned around, faking his innocent look.

The girl informed him that Miguel was already back and was going to bury Lucas’s body, but before he’d do that, he wanted to see Nick. The boy nodded silently, he knew exactly that this was inevitable, even though he was tired out and in pain. Devastated fathers who had lost their children asking Nick about their last minutes - Nick would give anything to not be ‘’the last person who say my child’’ every time. But he was, and he was obliged, Nick could understand this very well.

Miguel was standing there in the waiting room with others by his side, his arms crossed over his chest. When he noticed Nick, he raised his head and fixed his eyes on him, excited and alarmed suddenly. His eyes were watery and red. It wasn’t hard to guess that he’d been crying. Nick swallowed hard and approached him.

“Miguel, I’m so sorry for your loss” – The boy said quietly.

The man was still staring, his big brown eyes reminding Nick about Lucas, even if he was trying desperately to forget the white color they’d turned into.

“Thank you” – Miguel nodded, his voice hoarse – “So, when did you find him? Was he… When did he…”

Nick could notice how the man was struggling to speak, so he decided he owed him that much.

“He was already turned when I found him. Abbie was dead as well. I hope she hadn’t realized what was going on before she died,” – Nick said, his voice low and his eyes cold – “Lucas died in his sleep, peacefully, he hadn't been in pain.”

Miguel let out a quiet cry and Camila patted him on the shoulder affectionately. She and Sam were appeasing the man while the rest of the group was standing nearby.

“I volunteered to stay with Lucas last night but, as always, Abbie and Sam refused. However, I doubt that my staying would change a thing, so…” - Nick concluded and looked up at the man in front of him again.

Miguel eventually managed to speak when his voice was back to him.

“Thank you, Nick” – The man nodded, tears rolling down his check, leaving a small wet trail.

“For what? I didn’t do anything. I… I couldn’t” – Nick said and hung his head like he was the one to blame for everything that happened. Maybe he felt this way too.

“You freed him!” – Miguel answered and put his giant palm on Nick’s shoulder – “And you saved the others. I don’t want to imagine what could have happened if you didn’t wake up.”

Nick didn’t answer, he didn’t have anything else to say. He just wanted to be done with this conversation as soon as possible, because it hurt so much. Miguel, like he could read his mind, approached Elias and Ben, announcing that he was ready. The men were going to bury the bodies.

Nick asked Troy if he was going with them and he said he wasn’t. Four men were quite enough for the job, Troy explained and added that he could be needed at the hospital. Then the taller boy eyed Nick carefully, that worried look still making his face vulnerable.

“If you’re staying because of me, don’t,” – Nick warned quietly – “I’m fine now.”

“Not _because_ of you, I’ve told you why I’m not leaving,” – He answered, suddenly looking a bit confused – “I also can help Camila and Samantha to…”

“Yeah, alright” – Nick cut him off, causing his friend to frown. He then threw the last glance at the men heading towards the exit and turned around. Nick could feel Troy’s intense gaze on him like a big warm wave of light, but he didn’t look back. He quietly walked the room and ended up in the hallway again, to finish what he'd been going to do earlier.

 

 

Nick had no idea what time it was, and he couldn’t even determine if it was day or night. It was dark around him, even when he managed to open his eyes – it was still dark. He was in Troy’s bed again, wrapped in blankets like a Christmas present, his face buried in the white pillow. Nick could smell _his_ scent, the bed smelled like Troy. Nick was dizzy and lost in his own labyrinth of thoughts, he couldn’t concentrate on something without his mind abruptly moving to another idea. His eyes were heavy and his head was close to exploding. Nick could hear his own unsteady breathing and his throat was dry and itchy.

He thought he imagined the cracking sound of a wooden door but then he heard a familiar voice. It was not the hallucination, he was awake, Nick decided. Then he felt someone’s touch, the warmth of his fingers made the boy’s body shiver. He wished the blanket was thicker so he wouldn’t feel or hear anything that was beyond it.

“Nick, you awake?”

Nick tried to calm himself down but his loud, unsteady breathing was giving him away. Eventually he gave up and pulled the blanket away from his face.

Troy was staring down at Nick with those piercing blue eyes. He studied him carefully, without a word.

“What?” – Nick whispered finally – “you want me out of your bed?”

Troy shook his head quickly, looking away for a moment. He then set himself down on the other end of the bed, near the younger boy’s legs.

“Nick, you high?” – He asked suddenly to Nick’s astonishment. He believed he was careful. Maybe it was the eyes. Maybe his eyes betrayed.

The younger boy breathed out.

“I’m feeling _down_ ” – He answered with a tiny smile on his lips.

“Nick!” – Troy warned, shaking his head in disbelief – “You’re high as hell, Nick! You stole the pills from Camila, didn’t you?”

Nick rolled so now he was lying on his back, facing his friend. _‘’There’s no need to hide anymore’’_ , the thought crossed his minds, immediately replaced by the other one and forgotten.

“I just _borrowed_ them. She knows?”

“Yeah, she told me to ask you. She was searching for painkillers for Miguel and found out she was lacking some pills” – Troy replied quietly – “And I’ve noticed you sneaking into the warehouse.”

“Right. No one can hide from you eagle eye” – Nick said with a grin.

“Nick!” – The older boy hissed, rising his brows.

“I needed these, okay?” – He replied defensively – “I need something to hold on to.”

Nick lifted his body up, slowly moving into the sitting position. He ignored the headache and reached for his pocket, putting out the pack of red ‘’Marlboro’’. The younger boy lit his cigarette up and looked back at his friend sitting beside him.

“You don’t need drugs for that, you have _us_.”

Nick eyed him carefully. He was weary, his face dirty and his hair messy.

“Will you drink with me?” – Nick heard himself asking.

“What?”

“Drink with me, please. I still have that one bottle of moonshine left.”

The request took him by surprise, he wasn’t expecting this. Troy shook his head slightly, his mouth left ajar in attempt to come up with the right answer. Nick didn’t wait for it, he stood up and walked towards the window. He opened it and threw the cigarette filter away. When he turned around, Troy was also on his feet, standing there near the unmade bed.

“I don’t think this is the right time.”

“Why?” – Nick asked, leaning against the wall – “What if I promise that I won’t steal any more pills if you drink with me.”

Troy stared down at the floor and when he raised his head again, he looked similar to those warriors ready to die for their ideals, kings or countries, no matter. Nick couldn’t hold back the grin that lit up his face.

“Alright” – Troy replied with the same face expression he had, when he accepted those pills from Nick at the Bazaar.

“Wow, you really mean it. You’re not a fan of alcohol but you’d do it anyway?” – Nick took one step forward, slowly approaching him like a wild animal hunting its prey – “You’d do that for me?”

Troy’s eyes were shifting from Nick to the floor, then to his friend again, and the younger boy couldn’t ignore how cute he looked suddenly.

“Yeah” – He breathed out and nodded slightly.

“Why?”

Nick took another step forwards.

“’Cause you’re my friend.”

“Yeah? What else would you do for your friend?” – Nick breathed out, his voice now deeper.

Troy seemed confused again but he didn’t move a muscle. He was standing there frozen, his eyes following Nick’s each move. Soon enough the younger boy was so close to him that their chests were almost touching. Even then, Troy didn’t move. He was gazing in wonder at Nick, his brows furrowed, his mouth slightly ajar.

Nick could sense his scent that suddenly made him feel like he was on some psychedelic drug. He could feel Troy’s warm and soft breath tickling his face, and everything around him suddenly seemed to turn brighter and colorful. Even those disturbingly white walls seemed not so white anymore. Nick fixed his eyes on his friend’s exposed neck and he fought the urge to lick the soft skin there, touch his tiny birthmarks with his lips. He felt the adrenalin wave and cold chills running down his spine.

Nick’s eager gaze returned to the taller boy’s face again and he found him staring back like a little confused kid. Troy couldn’t seem to move and Nick felt himself powerful, just like a predator who had his prey under its claws. The younger boy licked his lips and stretched his right hand up, putting it on Troy’s neck. The boy flinched but he wasn’t given time to realize what hit him, Nick quickly pressed his body against him and crushed their lips together.

Troy let out a surprised whimper when the other boy captured his lips, and at the same time softly pushed him against the wall. Nick was suddenly dizzy again, totally losing control over his body and mind. Troy’s lips were so soft, and he smelled so good, Nick felt like he could easily pass out right there. He was kissing him slowly but passionately, his both hands now on Troy’s checks. The older boy wasn’t responding in any way, he wasn’t moving a muscle. Nick wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad sign, but he had no time to think about it anyway. Troy’s blond beard was scratching his lips pleasantly and Nick found it hard to breathe. He wasn’t willing to move his lips away though, he was afraid he would wake up suddenly, and this would appear to be one of those colorful dreams.

Nick was feeling his heart racing like it was trying to jump out of its cage. He moved his one hand to Troy’s neck again, deciding this was it – he was finally doing what felt right. Nick was fast to decide, he realized, when Troy suddenly jerked, like his soul returned to his body and took control over it again. The boy placed his both palms on Nick’s chest and pushed him away, not too softly but not too roughly either. When Nick opened his eyes and gazed up at his friend with confusion, Troy looked like he’d seen a ghost. His eyes were wide and he was panting, his heart racing noticeably.

“What the hell, Nick?” – He stuttered.

Nick swallowed hard. He felt like he was awaken from a pleasant dream. His friend’s face expression was making him doubt if he'd made a terrible mistake just now. Suddenly Nick felt himself even worse than before, wanting to run away from there and hide somewhere in a dark corner.

“I’m… I’m not gay!” – Troy yelped, louder this time, shaking his head nervously.

“Wow… Yeah,” – Nick let out a weak, sarcastic chuckle – “I’m not _gay_ either.”

Troy seemed confused, his face flushed and his lips still wet and swollen from the kiss.

“No, you can’t just do that!” – He protested again, looking away, obviously nervous. He looked almost hysterical suddenly – “This must be because of what happened today. You’re… You’re still in shock. And you’re on drugs. Right?”

Nick looked at the window, dark curtains hiding their presence from the outside world. He wished he'd never stood up from Troy’s bed, maybe he wouldn’t fuck this up if he'd stayed there, thankfully accepting what he had. Maybe he was stupid to think this would work out, maybe he was seeing something else in it when actually there was nothing to see. When he looked back at his friend again, he was still standing there, near the white wall with an exact same expression on his face. Troy was waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, maybe. Maybe I’m just losing my mind” – Nick murmured, a tiny smile appearing on his lips.

“You should… You can stay here, I’m gonna sleep in the other room” – Troy suggested after a short silence and finally managed to move away from the wall he'd been pinned against a few seconds ago.

“No need” – Nick walked towards the wooden door and turning around after opening it – “Thanks for letting me sleep in here.”

“Yeah” – Troy nodded slightly, not daring to meet his eyes.

Nick closed the door behind him, cracking sound echoing in his head. He was still dizzy, confused, aroused and still considering walking back into the room and telling him he was wrong. He could tell Troy that all of this was neither because of drugs nor the events of the days. Nick could confess that what he did was something he’d wanted to do for so long. He could explain how he felt, he could kiss him again. But Nick decided against it, not wanting to see that scared kid’s expression on Troy’s face once again. Instead he walked along that dark corridor, feeling himself just like one of those lost souls in the dark of night, left to wander in the shadows without any direction or destination.

 

 


	14. Me and That Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, and let me know what you think! ^_^

Nick left the hospital early in the morning, when the sun rose from the deep sleep, unlike the boy. He hadn’t got some rest after leaving Troy’s room. Instead, Nick had taken the bottle of moonshine from his counter and had spent the night drinking it in one of the empty rooms of the hospital, the events of that day and the emotions they'd awakened still not sorted in his mind. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget Lucas’s empty white eyes and the way blood was spilling from his open mouth. Nick could even hear the drops hitting the floor, followed by groans echoing in his head. Then there way Troy, silent and frozen… And there was Troy again, scared and shocked. Nick could still feel his scent and the warmth of his soft lips. Nick was melting into them, remembering how they tasted. He’d been hopelessly lost, wandering without any destination or purpose. Now that it was already dawn, Nick, too, could pretend waking up just like normal people. He walked the stairs down with unsteady steps and was already going to leave, when he heard the voice of a woman, tender and soft. She was sitting there alone in the waiting room and Nick couldn’t help but wonder if she hadn’t slept either. Camila wasn’t doing anything, she was just sitting there on the gray sofa with her legs brought up to her chest, her face resting on her knees. The room was empty and still dark.

“Nick, are you alright?” – She raised her head and glanced over at him to take a better look.

“Yeah!” – Nick breathed out, forcing a smile – “What about you? You need anything?”

“No, I’m fine, thanks. I was just…” – Camila paused and stayed silent for a few seconds, like she was actually remembering the reason why she was sitting there.

Nick was too drunk to involve himself into the conversation at that point. He didn’t want the woman to be aware of his condition either and therefor he was hoping the dialog wouldn’t last long, while he was trying his best not to stagger.

“Where are you going this early?” – The woman finally asked.

“Oh, nowhere. Just…” – Nick looked down for a second and took a few steps in the direction of an exit – “Just for a walk… to hunt pigs.”

Camila was sitting far enough from him but he could still notice how confusion crossed her features. She blinked slowly and Nick anticipated more questions he wasn’t willing to answer. To his amazement, Camila simply shook her head.

“You’re going to be okay, right?”

“Yeah,”– The boy hid behind one of his best smiles – “I’ll be back before you notice I’m gone.”

Camila nodded, still looking concern though.

“And Camila,” – Nick decided to touch on the subject before someone else would do. He knew it was always better to admit your mistakes yourself, by doing this you seemed like a better person in judge’s eyes. Attack is the best defense, after all – “sorry about yesterday. I had a really bad headache ‘cause of sleep difficulties… It won’t happen again, I promise.”

The woman took her time to consider her reply and finally she nodded, her face turning softer.

“It’s alright, Nick, it was a hard day for all of us.”

With that Nick continued to walk along the corridor and approached the large glass door. He pushed it open and appeared into the hospital yard, quickly crossing it and climbing the tall metal fence. The boy was slowly getting better and better at this, climbing fences when drunk or high.

Nick took a large knife from his belt and walked along the silent road. It was peaceful around and the area looked like a ghost city, with all those ruins of old building. Nick was finding odd beauty in it. The idea that maybe destruction is actually a form of creation crossed his mind suddenly. It could be possible that humanity had created something extraordinary that had its pros and cons. No matter if the new world seemed so unnatural and scary, no matter if the transformation and the whole process was so painful. Maybe survivors would end up finding the reasons and accepting the results. But Nick wasn’t sure anymore, he was a little tipsy.

Nick had not too much time for enjoying the scenery because he noticed walkers then. There were only a few of them, wandering near the empty building with broken windows and crushed door. The boy wasn’t sure what the building used to be because there was really nothing left from it, only useless bricks and glass scattered all over the place. Nick walked towards the ruins, taking a tight grip at his knife. He was meters away from the small group of dead when they noticed him and started to groan. The boy approached one of them, the one that was closer. It was a woman wearing a long colorful dress, little flowers hiding under a thick layer of mud and blood. She was barefoot, her long dark hair messy and dirty, her eyes sore and empty. Nick took hold of the fabric of her dress and stabbed her skull without thinking twice. When the woman collapsed on asphalt, Nick stared down at those flowers on her dress and wondered about what had she been doing before she’d died.

Nick liked this game – guessing details about dead people’s lives. He’d been catching himself playing the game sometimes. Even back in a ‘’normal’’ world, the boy had been entertaining himself by thinking about some random strangers’ pasts time to time. When taking the bus or just walking the streets, he would start speculating, suggesting the hypotheses and ideas about people surrounding him. Nick had been trying to guess their names, hobbies, jobs, and what they could have been thinking about. Now this game had more meaning and it was much more fun than before.

Nick bent down on his knee, in attempt to cut her stomach into two, so he could do his ‘’make-up’’. However, when he prepared his knife, something stopped him suddenly. Maybe it was her outfit, he wasn’t sure. Nick straightened himself up and reached for the other walker that was slowly approaching him with a hungry look and loud groans. It was a man dressed in black, and Nick ended his agony with a quick move of his hand. The sharp knife through the skull and the body was falling on the ground. The boy immediately turned around to face the other man who, he decided, was eaten alive. He might have been a teacher or a social worker. Nick cracked the skull open, filling the air around him with a pungent smell of blood and decayed flesh.

After ending those few walkers that closed his path, Nick chose one of them - the middle-aged man who had been a mechanic and had been working in a car shop. He’d died from a bite long time ago, he had been wandering around empty buildings since the very beginning. The man’s skin was disgusting and dry, just like the cracked and arid ground, and his teeth were yellow and rotten. Nick cut his stomach open, watching as the blackened blood spilled on the asphalt. He then covered himself with the gore carefully, making sure the red dirt was all over his clothes as well as on his face.

After that Nick separated the head from the body of a mechanic, a few quick and accurate stabs with his knife. He ripped his skull in half, stretching his hands to take a good look at that shrunken brain.

When Nick stood up again, he threw a last glance at that lady with dress, deciding finally that she should have been a piano teacher, happily married, no kids. She had been bitten by his husband who’d turned without even knowing what had been awaiting him. The woman had passed away while she’d been napping after making dinner for his man. She had been wearing a new dress for his husband, her shoes carelessly thrown away after she’d laid herself to rest. She hadn’t felt pain when dying, the woman had been sleeping when her beloved had sank his teeth into her neck. Nick smiled to himself, finally resolving and taking his eyes off of that bright colorful dress with hidden flowers under dried blood. Nick left a crime scene behind, slowly walking along the lonely road again.

The boy was able to feel how moonshine was making him lightheaded and a bit cocky. He was smiling sheepishly while passing the debris of buildings, leaving piles of rotten bodies wallowing in their own blood behind him. He wasn’t sure why he was opening their skulls or what he was actually doing, but it was distracting his racing mind. He had missed the feeling he was getting after eating those magical brains from his ex-boss. Maybe he was chopping and cutting and tearing apart the skulls in search of that exact feeling, hoping it would make his body numb and take the pain away. Nick had been following the road for some time now, staggering and smiling like crazy, guessing about the deaths of his victims while their blood was flowing through his body.

Eventually, the engine groaning sound attracted his attention, just when he was kneeling in front of one of those rotted bodies with smashed skull, his fingers soaked in blood. He wiped them on his shirt and looked up, noticing a familiar car on the road. It was moving in his direction with high speed. Nick stood up and stared at the vehicle approaching the sidewalk.

Troy got out of the car, looking like a madman with strained face and messy hair, his brows furrowed, his eyes wide with unmasked anger. The boy was heading in Nick’s direction and if Nick wasn’t so tired and drunk, he would definitely take a few steps back, because Troy looked just furious. The younger boy didn’t move however, he just smiled stupidly.

“What the fuck, Nick?!” – Troy yelled suddenly – “You out of your mind?!”

Nick’s grin widened and he started to laugh when seeing the boy running towards him. When he finally approached him, the younger boy was able to clearly see his irritation, anger, fear and impatience, with a hint of something else Nick couldn’t determine. Troy grabbed at his shoulders and shook him. Nick didn’t struggle or move, he stared at him with that crazy smile.

“Nick!” – Troy breathed out, studying his face with fear – “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Nick laughed louder this time.

“ _You_ are asking me that?”  

Troy turned around suddenly, taking hold of Nick’s arm with his hand. He moved towards the car, pulling the other boy with force. Nick tried to free himself from his firm grip, causing Troy to turn his face back. He looked over at him with irritation, like he was warning Nick without words not to try anything.

“Get in the car!” – Troy ordered when they reached the vehicle.

“Who said you can’t kill what’s already dead, right? I’ve been thinking, maybe it’s not the death but the birth, all of this” – Nick said when they stopped, feeling a slight pain in the arm where Troy had his fingers wrapped, squeezing a little – “I’ve seen one guy back there, you should’ve seen him,” – He laughed suddenly and wildly – “he was all torn apart and… and…”

“Nick, you’re losing it! You need to pull yourself together” – Troy cut him off, shaking his head nervously, same troubled look appearing on his face – “Hunting pigs, huh? I’ve been searching for you all morning!”

He frowned and his tone sharpened, the look on his face abruptly turning from worried to upset again.

“Now, get in the fucking car, and please don’t make me force you, Nick!” – He shook his head, almost begging but still looking impatient and irritated.

The younger boy blurted out something meaningless and unintelligible, he wasn’t completely sure. He met Troy’s eyes then, that stupid smile still lingering on his bloody face.

“Okay, if you don’t mind all the blood getting on your seats” – He answered, pointing at himself with his free hand.

The taller boy exhaled like he was trying his best not to lose his temper. They walked those few steps towards the car and Troy let go of his arm only when Nick was in the passenger seat. He then sat himself into the car and started the engine, never looking at Nick. The younger boy wasn’t certain about where they were but he was sure he hadn’t covered long distance, so he guessed they were not far away from the hospital.

“Why are you being so reckless, Nick? Why do you hate yourself so much?” – Troy asked suddenly, his eyes on the road, his both hands gripping the steering wheel.

The younger boy let out a quiet chuckle and Troy threw an angry look at him.

“I don’t hate myself” – Nick answered finally, turning his attention to the side window, like the view through it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen.

“You sure, Nicky? ‘Cause to me it seems like you’re doing everything to destroy yourself.”

“You decided to play my psychiatrist now?” – Nick mirrored his smirk.

“Huh!” – Troy breathed out, employing a smile filled with sarcasm and returned his gaze back to the road – “You’re gonna stay at the hospital, no more runs for you, Kamikaze.”

“What, am I grounded?” – The younger boy studied his face.

Troy inhaled deeply, like he was still trying to calm himself down. He never answered thought, concentrating on driving instead.

“It wasn’t your fault, Nick,” – He said suddenly, not even looking at his friend – “what happened to Lucas was _not_ your fault.”

Nick gazed at those ruins again, slowly moving in the opposite direction. The sun was shining upon them. The boy decided it was already noon.

“You know,” – Nick started after a short silence – “It didn’t hurt.”

Troy threw a questioning look at his friend. When Nick studied his eyes and his gaze dropped to the older boy’s lips, Troy suddenly grasped at what he was talking about. He immediately broke the eye contact and sharply turned his head again.

“You know why?”

Nick was staring at him with a tiny smile, sensing his excitement. Suddenly there seemed to be a lot more tension in the air and Nick enjoyed that one second when Troy went all tense and serious suddenly. The younger boy watched his profile, not missing the movement of his Adam’s apple, noticing how he swallowed hard.

“Because I know you love me.”

Troy glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s alright…” – Nick concluded with a grin and looked away, staring out of the side window and ending the dialog on that note. Troy didn’t utter a word. He remained silent, not even glancing at his friend until they reached the old building with tall metal fence and parked their car nearby.

 

 

Right after entering the hospital, Nick heard familiar voices coming from the waiting room. He recognized Elias’s deep voice that was the result of smoking for thirty years. The other one belonged to Ricardo. The boys crossed the hallway, the noises getting lower and more distant with every step they took. Nick was tired and his body ached, large amount of alcohol from last night still playing with his mind. Troy headed towards the stairs, hastening his steps, and Nick followed him quietly. They were walking without a word, Nick feeling his heart racing after they reached the third floor. This must have been because of cigarettes or he was just tired from roaming all morning and killing undead.

Nick tried to walk faster, following Troy behind like a homeless puppy.

“Come on, wait up! I can’t keep up with you, man” – Nick begged, and Troy stopped, turning around to face him.

They were standing now in the corridor in front of each other. Troy looked away, avoiding Nick’s stubborn gaze and putting his hands on his hips.

“You better go wash yourself, you stink” – The taller boy noticed, still staring at the wall.

“Oh, I’m sorry if I’m making that sensitive nose of yours uncomfortable” – Nick answered mockingly – “You ruined my fun and now you’re insulting me?”

Troy returned his annoyed look at the boy in front of him.

“If by _fun_ you mean getting wasted and wandering around like a lunatic, yeah, I did spoil your fun!” – He answered finally – “Now if you excuse me, I gotta go, help Ben.”

“With what?” – Nick didn’t let him to turn around.

Sam appeared from her room suddenly, at first peeking curiously like a gawking neighbor, but eventually opening the door wide.

“Hey, guys. Is everything alright?” – She asked and looked them up and down.

“Yeah, Nick’s just busy being a stubborn crybaby” – Troy answered louder than it seemed to be necessary, causing the other boy to grin for some reason.

“And here he is with his pet names again!” – Nick commented with a smile that was hard for him to hold back.

“Oh! – Sam breathed out, reminding the boys about her presence – “I think I’m interrupting something here” – The girl noticed carefully, knowing smile appearing on her pink lips.

“No, you’re not interrupting anything!” – Troy replied quickly, finally breaking the eye contact with Nick – “He’s all yours. I’ve got more important things to do than dawdling here with you two.”

With that, Troy turned and walked along the corridor silently, pushing the door open and entering his room.

“Wow… he’s a bundle of nerves. Did you have a fight or something? Or you’re just joking around, huh?” – Sam asked, looking just like a gossiping neighbor or a fifteen year old girl at a sleepover party discussing boys.

“What?”

“I hope you didn’t break up” – Sam said finally, her face a bit worried now, her big brown eyes wide.

Nick frowned.

“What do you mean, we…” – The boy stuttered in response, not managing to hide his confusion – “Troy and I are just friends.”

Sam’s concerned look slowly changed into a wide grin. Nick shook his head in misunderstanding and the girl let out a quiet giggle.

“Come on now, Nick, really?”

“What?”

Sam looked at him suspiciously, checking if he was joking.

“You and _that_ guy are totally in love with each other,” – The girl answered eventually, his voice now low but excitement still there – “you can’t fool me, don’t try to deny.”

“I… Why did you decide so?” – Nick avoided giving a direct answer, looking down at the dusty floor and crossing his hands over his chest.

“Everybody here thinks you’re a couple, Nick” – Samantha answered leaning against the wall.

“Well, we’re not” – Nick replied, still gazing at the floor – “He’s not into me.”

The boy dared to look up, finding her smiling again, that exact sly smile Nick had seen earlier, like she knew something no one else was aware of.

“Yeah, maybe that’s why he almost got himself killed while trying to get cigarettes for you,” – The girl said, and when she found Nick looking at her with confusion, she added – “he got them for you, right?

“What… What do you mean almost got himself killed?” – Nick asked, now even more puzzled – “How can you know that?”

“Ben told me how your _friend_ ran into the store filled with biters just for those cigarettes. He didn’t even ask for their help, he just demanded stopping the car near the market” – Sam was talking with a smile still lingering on her face – “Ben said he simply got out of the car and entered the store like he was going shopping. Miguel and Benjamin couldn’t even realize what was going on until your boyfriend ran out from there with bloody knife, your cigarettes and a few walkers following him.”

Nick was standing there speechless, not sure how to react. He couldn’t manage to utter comprehensible words, just some weird sounds of astonishment.

“Yeah, Ben had the same face expression while telling me that story,” – Samantha shook her head and finally moved away from that wall.

That was an exact moment when Troy’s door opened and he appeared in the corridor, holding his journal, lost into his thought. The boy suddenly spotted Nick and Sam standing nearby and abruptly paused, blinking. Troy surely wasn’t expecting to find them at that exact corner where he’d left them, and he seemed a little confused and curious all of a sudden. However, it was noticeable only for two seconds. After that his face went serious and strained. The boy quickly looked away from those two and silently continued walking towards the stairs. Nick followed him with his piercing eyes until he disappeared.

“So where were we?” – Sam asked when they were alone again – “Yeah, he’s _not_ totally and madly in love with you!”

Nick heard Sam’s sarcastic snort and looked up at her. She winked at him and turned around.

“I’m going to eat lunch with Cam and Elias, you want to join us?” – The girl turned her head when she reached those long stairs.

“Yeah, lunch sounds good.”

Nick forced himself to move again, feeling numbness in his legs. He followed the girl behind, hoping that Troy would also be in the waiting room.

 

 


	15. Eat, Sleep, Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to post this chapter today. Hope you'll like it!  
> Tell me what you think :3  
> (Sorry about the mistakes, as always...:()

Three days had passed since Lucas’s death, and two days since Nick had been stuck in the hospital without even leaving its yard. He’d made Troy upset and worried after his odd ‘’pig hunting’’ and his friend insisted on his staying at home. Nick wouldn’t even listen, but Ben and Miguel were also with Troy, and Camila supported the decision as well, telling Nick that he needed to get some rest. The boy had no other choice than to obey. Besides, deep down he knew they might have been right. Those two days he had spent either trying to sleep in his room or playing cards with Sam. Nick was also helping Camila and Elena with cleaning and sorting supplies, drinks and cans they were almost out of. One big journey wouldn’t hurt them, Nick could understand that much, and after he was no longer ‘’grounded’’, he was going to arrange that. He appeased himself with that idea, planning the run in his head while Troy and Ben were already on it. Miguel joined them too, announcing he needed something to distract himself, which was completely understandable. The man had lost his only child and was sleeping in the same bed where he had died. The group was planning to move him to some other room but Miguel refused, saying he wasn’t intending to leave the memories about Lucas in the empty, silent room.

Two days had passed without Nick managing to talk to Troy. The older boy was always in a hurry, running somewhere, helping Ben with repairing his car before the run. The boy was happy for his friend, he was getting along with the other members of the group pretty well now, but Nick was missing talking to him. He even tried to spy on him, wandering near his door stupidly, waiting for him to show up. He would pretend to just be leaving his room, if he appeared. But Troy didn’t. They’d been sharing quiet ‘’hey’’ and ‘’night’’ during those two days, nothing more in fact. Time to time Nick would ask where he was heading and Troy was answering while slowly moving away, step by step. Nick wanted to ran after him and stop him, look him into the eyes. He wanted to hear his voice more often, he wanted to see him more often than twice in a day. Nick was getting that familiar painful lump in his throat every time Troy was turning around and walking away. Nick wasn’t following though, he simply couldn’t. So he was just waiting wrapped in his blankets or sitting in the waiting room chatting with Sam, even though the one thing he really wanted and needed most was to be near Troy. He’d left that morning. Just before dawn, Troy, Benjamin and Miguel had gone on a run, promising to be back after the sundown.

The waiting room was dark, illuminated only by those Lavender candles Nick had found in that old wooden house. He recalled Troy frowning when he saw his friend grinning down at dozens of candles. They turned out to be actually useful. In fact, they were the only source of light when it was getting dark, that’s why Nick strongly decided to get more of these colorful candles that smelled like childhood. Nick and Sam were playing cards again, Camila and the two man sitting in the same room and discussing something quietly. Elena was sleeping in her room after cleaning the third floor and bathrooms, getting some well-deserved rest. Nick had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, covering his back. He was sitting on his chair with legs crossed and was facing Samantha who had been losing for the third time in a row. The atmosphere around them was peaceful and the room was cozy, their eyes adjusted to the dim light. Nick suddenly remembered the day when all of this had started. That night the lights had been out and they had decided to play that old game while waiting for Travis. Nick felt uneasy immediately after the memory appeared in his mind. He missed the feeling but he didn’t miss the people who made him feel that way. Alicia was the only person he was actually missing, but the old world left behind was nothing but another life or some kind of long forgotten dream. Nick wasn’t lacking anything from that world, and the immediate realization of it made him wonder. Maybe this new reality was a new opportunity for him to find his purpose, just like it was for Troy.

Suddenly Samantha was seeking his attention again, waving her hand in front of his eyes, and Nick was returned back to that cozy room illuminated by candle lights. Troy should have been back by now, Nick thought and put a card on the wooden table. They must have been on their way home.

Sam was then talking about a worst date she’d ever had, telling Nick how the guy she’d found on the internet appeared to be a ‘’total jerk’’ as she described him, not as handsome as on his profile picture. Nick smiled while listening, trying to figure out what was the secret of her boundless energy and vitality. Samantha was making him laugh now, sharing the details of her unsuccessful date Nick wasn’t sure he actually wanted to know. But she was helping him at that point by distracting his racing mind from thinking about why the guys were so late.

“Are you worried about Troy?” – The girl asked after a short silence, when the story was told and their smiles were gone.

Nick looked up from his cards he’d been staring motionless for a couple of seconds. He couldn’t concentrate, and the fact that he was winning only meant that Sam was really bad at this game.

“They should have been back by now” – Nick answered finally.

“They will be back soon,” – Ricardo said with a nod – “Miguel is always punctual.”

“He’s worried about his boyfriend” – Elias suggested suddenly, causing Nick to turn his head to him. The boy looked at the old man, trying to read his expression and find out if he was joking or being serious.

“He’s not my boyfriend” – Nick announced when he heard Camila’s restrained laugh. The woman was still trying to control herself and finally failed, after Elias deafened the quite room with high pitched laugh. Suddenly every person around Nick was chuckling, except the boy himself who was eyeing them with confusion and misunderstanding.

“Yeah, right, like we don’t notice how you look at each other” – Elias mocked, his deep voice echoing in the room. Nick had no idea he could be so cynical. The boy wasn’t even sure he’d seen this old man laughing so hard before.

“Nick, stop keeping it as a secret” – Camila said serenely, turning her head to the boy.

“I’m not! I’m just telling you how it is.”

“That’s why the kid had that confused expression when Ben asked where his _boyfriend_ was,” – Elias continued with a smile, his white teeth shinning in the dim light, his accent now strangely hurting Nick’s ears – “he went pale when he heard the word ‘’boyfriend’’.”

“What? Ben really asked him that?” – Nick cried out, his eyes going wide.

“Yes, he did. That was your first week of staying here” – the man replied with a smile – “and you know Benjamin, he’s always so serious. He asked him that with his scary face. And Troy paused, standing there like stupid, eyes going wide. Finally started to babble and…”

Elias was now using his both hands and Nick eyed him with furrowed brows, not sure what his gesture was meant to express. Sam started to laugh again, hiding her face in palms.

“What the hell, people?! Why would you ask him something like that?” – Nick yelped, sounding hurt suddenly. Imagining Troy’s expression was flushing his face with embarrassment and fear.

“Your so-called friend is a funny guy, especially when the conversation involves you,” – The man was still teasing, apparently encouraged by his friends' laughter – “he gets so nervous and excited, turns either pale or red like a tomato.”

Nick hung his head, swallowing thickly and mimicking Sam’s gesture by hiding his face with his both hands.

“I don’t believe it…” – He let out a helpless whisper.

“Hey, don’t take it to the heart, this stupid old man is just joking around,” – Camila turned her head again, her voice now soft and caring.

“No, he’s not,” – Sam protested – “we have all seen Troy’s similar reactions.”

“Alright,” – Nick raised his one hand up, desperate for their attention. Those people around him suddenly seemed to turn into little kids, easygoing and reckless, laughing and joking around, totally forgetting about the world burnt to hell outside those thick walls – “enough. I don’t wanna hear anything else. We’re done with this conversation.”

Nick announced but the laughter didn’t stop. The boy shook his head in disbelief and annoyance, feeling himself like a single adult surrounded by children. However, he, too, found himself smiling eventually, not believing the sudden change in those people around him. Although he knew it was temporary, he liked it anyway. The boy was aware that soon enough they would stop giggling and the waiting room would turn comfortably silent again, but that exact moment was something to hold on to. That exact moment was something that would stay in Nick’s memory – the dark cozy room illuminated by candles and five people laughing stupidly, slowly forgetting the reason that’d made them chuckle in the first place. Nick would remember the feeling of comfort and peacefulness, and it would warm his heart one rainy day.

 

 

Nick heard a car approaching the hospital right after he and Sam had decided to play another round, in attempt to kill time while waiting for the others. Nick raised his head and listened to the sound he had been itching to hear for hours. He stood up immediately, tossing the blanket on the chair. Sam, too, put the cards on the table, her movement followed by Camila’s sharp intake of breath - too quiet and weak but yet audible in the silent room.

Nick headed towards the exit without thinking twice, his heart starting to beat faster with excitement and anticipation. The boy pushed the glass door open and walked into the yard, noticing Ben’s car turning around and parking into the corner to be hidden and protected from whatever the man was hiding it from. Nick had a company, he suddenly realized, Camila was standing right next to him. The two of them started walking towards the fence gate, Nick finally able to determine three silhouettes in the dim light of moonless night. The boy heaved a sigh of relief and felt his tense body relaxing a little.

Ben ended two walkers heading towards them while Miguel was opening the locked door and they appeared in the yard. Camila reached for them immediately, asking what took them so long and if everything was alright. Then the woman hugging Miguel, her arms softly caressing the man’s neck, and Nick thought he noticed something he’d never paid attention to before – the worried look of a woman in love. He couldn’t be so blind, Nick thought to himself, shifting his attention back to the tall boy standing with his head hung.

Nick couldn’t move for some reason, he was just standing there for a few seconds, looking Troy up and down. He was covered in blood and mud, he was a mess. Then the younger boy noticed him moving, taking slow steps forwards, following the others. Nick forced himself to move as well and approached his friend.

“Thought you’d be sleeping” – Troy said, his voice weak and low.

All of them were now crossing the yard and heading towards the entry.

“No, we’ve been waiting for you. You’re late. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, we had a reason for that,” – The boy answered – “but yeah, everything’s alright now.”

Nick was about to ask more questions to find out what that reason was, but he got interrupted immediately by Ben’s cold voice that hushed him completely. When they were inside the building, Benjamin announced that they needed to talk. The man led them into the waiting room where Sam, Elias and Ricardo greeted them with happy smiles. After a few seconds the whole group, except sleeping Elena, was gathered around the table, waiting for Ben to finally start the conversation. Nick chose to stand next to Troy who was leaning again the wall behind one of those faded blue chairs.

“We’ve found a factory of canned food,” – Ben broke the silence eventually – “and it’s a great opportunity, there may be supplies left there, it’s worth trying. We hadn’t been near that area before, that’s why we never knew about its existence. The place is not far away, a few hours from here.”

Nick turned his face to Troy and the boy met his eyes, yet remaining silent.

“But it’s filled with infected,” – The man continued, running his fingers through his long beard nervously – “therefor we couldn’t enter the building, it was too risky, the place is just crawling with them.”

The group was listening curiously, all of them gazing at Benjamin without blinking.

“We couldn’t do anything today considering the number of infected people inside. However, we have a plan, and we’re going to return there as soon as we can. We’ll be needed your help, so the plan would work.”

The room went quiet like a grave when Ben stopped talking, eyeing the men around him instead. Elias was the first to break the sudden silence.

“Of course, we will help!” – The man said, furrowing his brows, looking like a soldier ready to fire. His words were followed by Ricardo’s silent nod, he was also accepting the request. 

“Yeah, we’re in!” – Nick agreed quickly – “Let’s go tomorrow, why wait and delay? You just tell us what the plan is.”

Benjamin looked over his shoulder, studying the boy carefully.

“The sooner the better, we’re out of supplies,” – He said then, his voice as official and serious as always – “but are you sure you’re ready, kid?”

Nick giggled quietly.

“Yeah, I’m damn sure!” – He answered staring down at the man in the chair – “And you need people, you need me.”

Nick could feel Troy’s intense gaze burning him and the boy met his eyes finally.

“What?” – He asked while studying Troy’s face, his expression hard to read even if not the dim light of the room – “I’m not gonna sit here and miss all the fun.”

Troy frowned, shaking his head slightly, still holding his gaze.

“Nick, it’s not a joke, that place is filled with freaks and...”

“Relax, man,” – Nick replied with a little smile, cutting him off – “I've got it. I’m full of energy and ready to join you in this trip.”

“Alright then, Nicholas,” – Ben’s deep voice forced Nick’s attention back to him, reminding him of his father again. He tried to ignore the similarity though, staring down at the man with a tiny smile – “it’s decided. We leave tomorrow afternoon, if it’s okay with the rest of you, gentlemen.”

Ben turned his head to glance at Elias and Ricardo. Both of them nodded almost at the same time.

“But before that, we need to clean ourselves and get some rest. It’s going be a long journey.”

Nick nodded, smile of satisfaction lighting his face up. Troy crossed his arms over his chest, looking somehow defeated or disappointed, Nick couldn’t figure out what was he so unsatisfied with.

“Now, let me tell you about our plan” – Said Benjamin, forcing their attention back to himself.

Camila stood up from her chair, heading towards the room where the supplies were kept. She figured the men should have been hungry. The woman walked away without a world, returning back shortly afterwards with three cans and plastic plates.

The plan Ben and Miguel managed to come up with appeared to be a really good one. Since they didn’t have enough bullets and the horde was too big to deal with, they were going to use their brains instead of their weapons. Two of their people would be the first to act, attracting walkers’ attention while the others would sneak into the factory from the back entry. They were going to use fireworks to create noise and light that would force the dead out of the building. Then the pair who was responsible for the horde would get into the car and slowly drive away. The walkers would follow the vehicle, leaving the factory empty and giving the others opportunity to collect all they could carry. They should have been fast but accurate and quiet. Nick loved the plan which seemed logical and almost perfect to his ears.

Troy sat himself in one of those faded armchairs, starting to eat with Ben and Miguel. Nick took his sit again, still discussing details with the others. The women left them alone shortly afterwards, going upstairs to sleep, leaving only men in the waiting room.

“What if there appears to be more of them, what if not all the dead will be attracted by these fireworks?” – Elias hesitated.

“Then we’ll be forced to end the others, but let’s hope the original plan will work out. We have no other option” – Benjamin shook his head, looking down at his plate with no appetite.

“Who’s gonna be leading the horde?” – Nick questioned.

Ben took his time to think, finally fixing his steady gaze straight on Elias.

“Will you do it? With Miguel maybe?”

“I am hoping for more action than sitting in the car with this grumpy man, leading the group of brain dead idiots” – Miguel protested, causing Elias to frown and shook his head in fake anger and annoyance.

“Alright,” – Ben exhaled deeply – “Ricardo? What about you?”

With that, the issue was resolved. Elias and Ricardo were like twins anyway, always together, supporting each other unconditionally, always having each other’s backs. That’s why the problem was solved easily, Ben announcing that they would be the ones to attract the horde.

“Where did you get these fireworks by the way?” – Nick asked him, squinting his eyes, a little smile appearing on his lips – “Did you rob Santa Claus?”

Benjamin met the boy’s eyes with his green expressive ones, looking serious.

“Why don’t you ask me where did I get this gun, kid?” – He answered nonchalantly, nodding his head in the direction of his revolver resting on the table.

His words were followed by Elias’s quiet giggle.

“Hey, hey, relax now” – Troy suggested, shaking his head in annoyance, addressing no one in particular.

Ben puffed and turned his head to the others again, making sure everyone understood what they were obliged and responsible to do.

“Tomorrow, twelve. Don’t be late, ladies” – Ben concluded and stood up, taking his plate and fork with him and tossing them into the trash can standing in the corner.

“He’s so scary sometimes,” – Nick noticed, making Elias smile again – “don’t you agree?”

“He is still in his best shape after what he’d been through” – Ricardo answered, chewing his meal.

Nick simply shook his head and threw a questioning look at the men around the table. They were eyeing each other with knowing looks like they were deciding whether to speak or remain silent.

Evidently, they came to a conclusion, Elias breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“He had lost his daughter before all of this. She was hit by a drunk driver. Then he lost his wife in this same hospital. He had to kill her to end her suffering.”

Nick blinked, returned silence in the room hurting his ears suddenly. Not knowing why himself, the boy glanced at Troy and kept his eyes on him, studying his dirty face. Troy seemed so weary and emotionless, his eyes strangely empty and cold. Nick shivered when gazing into those eyes, his heart dropped without the boy realizing the reason. Those were not the eyes he liked so much, Nick’s mind protested, and he felt the urge to scream at his friend and his empty eyes all of a sudden. However, He managed to overcome his immediate and totally unexplainable rage, breathing in and out deeply.

“I’m gonna go wash my face,” – Troy stood up suddenly, staring down at the men – “See you tomorrow.”

Nick got up as well, so abruptly and quickly, that the room moved slightly. He noticed Elias’s wide grin, his teeth shining even in the dim light. Nick just ignored it, telling goodnight to the men and turning to follow Troy who, too, threw his plate into the trash and was now heading towards the door with slow steps. Nick hurried after him and approached the boy, now walking right beside him.

“You alright?” – The younger boy asked finally when he was assured that his friend wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence.

Troy exhaled.

“Something wrong?” – Nick questioned again.

“Why can’t you just stay here? We’ll be fine without you, you won't be much help anyway.”

His voice was low and seemed calm, in contrast with the words he uttered, making Nick frown suddenly.

“What? What’s your problem, Troy?” – He managed to blurt out.

“Recently? _You_. I’ve asked you to stay out of this but you have to be stubborn, of course.”

They were walking the stairs now, reaching the third floor, Nick feeling his heart beating faster. It must have been because of cigarettes.

“I’m not gonna stay here chilling while you’re risking your lives out there!” – Nick protested, his face vulnerable for a moment, like Troy just insulted him only by suggesting he could actually stay.

Nick was walking right beside him, although he felt like he was following him like a stray cat, starving and desperate for his attention. Troy was not looking back, and he was all tall and distant, silent and cold. Nick was freezing suddenly, trying to swallow that painful lump stuck in his throat.

“Do what you want,” – He answered eventually, when they were already walking along that dark corridor – “I’m not your babysitter, Nicky.”

And that ‘’Nicky’’ was uttered so strangely, so weakly. That was not the ‘’Nicky’’ he was used to hear. He didn’t catch the sarcasm in Troy’s voice, and the lips pronouncing that word were not grinning either. Nick’s heart skipped a beat and he swallowed hard, still not managing to make the lump disappear.

“Why are you so…” – Nick paused, trying to breathe steadily, failing – “why’re you being such an asshole?”

Troy stopped and turned around eventually. He met his eyes and Nick was forced to feel that coldness once again, this time from a close distance. Troy remained silent for a few seconds, finally deciding to answer.

“I’m just tired, okay?”

Nick dared to guess that he looked so helpless and hurt, in some way Troy took a pity on him and came up with that kind of response. Maybe he was just calming him down or didn’t want to upset him even more, Nick couldn’t tell for sure. The younger boy wasn’t satisfied with the explanation he received, it looked more like an excuse than the real answer. However, there was nothing he could do at that point. His friend truly looked exhausted and Nick tried his best not to panic. Maybe weariness was the reason for his bad mood and weird behavior after all. Although deep down he could feel that Troy’s answer was just an escape from something bigger and more serious, he still tried to comfort his friend, give him time or space, whatever. Whatever he needed, Nick was willing to give it to him. He would do anything to see the same deep blue eyes and hear the same voice he loved so much.

Troy turned around, tiredness noticeable while he was walking away. He murmured the last ‘’goodnight’’ for Nick like a promise or encouragement, quietly whispering in his ear: _‘’Hang in there, little guy. Someday, maybe I’ll come back to feed you.’’_   He headed towards the bathroom then, trudging, hanging his head, looking weary and so small suddenly. Nick’s gaze followed his trail, considering the choices he had. He could just reach for him, stop him right there and then by simply hugging him. He could ask more questions, making sure his friend was not angry at him and everything was alright. He could embrace him right there and then, and maybe this would work out just fine. Maybe Troy would even hug him back, wrapping his hands around his waist or gently caressing his neck. Nick could do that but he didn’t. He just opened his wooden door, making it creak painfully, and entered his dark, silent room with walls so white, they were burning Nick’s eyes even in the dim light.

 

 


	16. 3 Days Without an Accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's your promised chapter, I hope you'll like it ^_^  
> I'm not really familiar with canned food factories, but I've been working in ice cream factory for two weeks :) Anyway, I tried my best while struggling with this chapter. Hope It won't disappoint you.

They had left that afternoon, after finishing breakfast and getting armed with their guns and knives. Nick was standing near Benjamin’s car that was chosen for their part of the mission because of a simple reason - it was bigger and would contain more supplies than Troy’s vehicle. Camila and Sam were outside the building too, saying goodbye to them and wishing a safe trip. Nick caught a glimpse of the woman hugging Miguel tight, her little fingers on his back, holding him still, her face buried in his neck. Nick kept looking, not sure himself why, until he saw Troy approaching the car. He felt his gaze and looked away from those two, glancing at the boy with machine gun instead.

“You really like spying on old folks, huh?”

Nick couldn’t help a little smile that appeared on his lips. He hung his head and crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly remembering of that night when Troy stopped the car and invited him to join the hunting. The music from the house on a hill sounded in Nick’s ears again and two silhouettes vividly appeared in his mind, dancing like there was nothing and nobody else in the world but them; dancing like that was their last night on earth.

Ben was the one to drive and Troy sat himself next to him while Nick took the passenger seat. Camila finally let Miguel go and the man got in the vehicle, making himself comfortable next to Nick. The woman approached the car, wishing good luck and stepping aside. Benjamin started the engine then, the sound followed by another car’s roaring with Elias and Ricardo in it. Nick looked out of a window, noticing Sam waving her hand and smiling. He waved back. The car moved, leaving the women behind, their silhouettes slowly turning smaller and smaller. Finally they turned around, disappearing in the yard of the hospital.

These two hours were spent mostly in silence, Benjamin occasionally reminding them about the details of their plan, making sure every one of them understood everything, or Miguel sharing his ideas of where to get a wood burning stove so they’d be able to cook and have hot water. Nick was suddenly amazed with the suggestion, recalling seeing an old designed wood stove in one of these abandoned houses he’d checked with Troy. This would definitely work out, they could get wood easily. After all, there were too many useless things at the hospital that could be burnt. Nick even got angry at himself that this idea hadn’t appeared in _his_ mind. The boy shared his excitement with Miguel and they decided to visit that old wooden house in a few days and bring the stove to the hospital. Miguel seemed pleased that someone was so impressed and amazed with his discovery. With Nick repeating that the idea was brilliant, the man suddenly seemed more self-confident, nodding and mirroring the boy’s amused smile. Eventually they managed to get on the other two man’s nerves, Ben and Troy seemed annoyed and demanded of them to just quit chattering. The rest of the way they remained silent. Nick was gazing out of the side window, mentally preparing himself for whatever was waiting for them in that factory.

 

 

They parked the car near the back entrance, following the plan and staying inside until they were given a sign. The other vehicle with Elias and Ricardo should have been already near the main entry. Nick studied the exterior of the building carefully. It was an old factory with abandoned look, deafened with monotonous groans. The boy figured there could easily have been hundreds of walkers inside these walls. Unexpectedly for Nick, the loud noise distracted him all of a sudden. The boy flinched and jerked out of his thought, turning his head to where the sound was coming from, notifying that the plan was already in motion. Nick felt the excitement boiling his blood and anticipated to hear Ben’s deep voice informing them that they could leave the vehicle.

“Good” – Miguel shook his head when the horde started to move out of the factory. They were parked near the other end of the building, however they could still clearly see these walkers slowly heading in the direction of the noise that repeated after a few seconds.

“When should we…” – Troy tried to ask.

“It’s early” – Ben cut him off quietly, staring at the horde slowly leaving the building like an army of ants – “Wait until they’re all out.”

All of them were now noiselessly gazing in the direction of the car that was slowly moving back, noticing Elias sticking his hand out of the window. The man was holding another firework and the loud noise deafened the area once again, followed by a colorful light in the sky, the sound of distant groaning increasing momentarily. Then Elias started to shout at the horde, swearing and laughing, his high-pitched voice although distant but still reaching Nick’s ears. The red vehicle moved back again, slowly increasing its speed and turning to the long road.

“Let’s go!” – Benjamin announced finally, when the horde was already away from the factory, mesmerized by the sounds and lights Elias was creating. The other three man in the car were already ready and waiting for Ben’s command, so they opened the doors right after hearing that deep cold voice and got out of the vehicle.

They walked quietly but quickly, approaching the steel door and with Benjamin pushed it open, they appeared inside these old gray walls. The interior of the factory was similar to what was outside - depressive aura and the disgusting pungent odor of death, blood and rotting, together with the scent of oldness and dampness rooted in these walls. Nick felt his nose burning and he suddenly felt sick, as if he could vomit any second now. This was not the right place and time to turn into a sensitive guy, he reminded himself, recalling how many times he’d been soaked in blood of dead people, wearing their intestines on his neck like jewelry.

Nick followed the others and soon enough he found himself into the production area. It was a huge space filled with machines, pipes and tubs connected with each other, creating something that was just an useless graveyard of metal in the new world. All those giant devices and machines Nick didn’t exactly know the purpose of – the equipment that had stopped working long time ago, now abandoned and functionless. The four man passed through them without stopping and appeared in the place where the supplies were loaded and kept, already in packs that were filling the storehouse. As Ben opened the large door after knocking on it a few times just in case, the sight made all of them freeze. There were too many of those packs inside, just resting there untouched, waiting to be used. Nick blinked, eyeing all those walls of cans in disbelief, until he was awakened by Miguel’s voice.

“Sweet Jesus!”- The old man breathe out, looking those mountains of boxes up and down with wide eyes.

“Alright gentlemen, time to harvest!” – Ben announced, reaching for packs placed against the wall onto each other, almost reaching the ceiling.

They were supposed to work in pairs, because of a simple reason – the packs were too heavy to be carried by one person. Nick spotted Troy near the wall of cans and joined him, the boy returning his gaze and nodding his head in the direction of canned goods wrapped in the boxes.

“Three, two, one!” – Troy counted and they lifted the box up.

It appeared to be not so heavy for two of them to transfer. They were not too far away from the car, they just needed to pass that giant place filled with useless machines. Nick looked up at his friend, nodded and inhaled deeply. Then they started to move, quickly but accurately, while the other two man were struggling with another pack.

When they reached the vehicle parked near the entry, Troy opened the car trunk and they placed the box inside, followed with Ben and Miguel putting another one next to it. There was enough space for a few more, at least, so they returned back into the building without a word. Another round and the car still wasn’t filled. They continued loading the packs into the trunk until there was space left only for one more. Nick turned around and headed towards the door again, glancing back to check if his friend was following. Troy was helping Ben moving the packs deeper into the trunk to free some space for more. Nick paused, and since Troy was busy, he turned to Miguel instead who was standing near the steel door. The man got the hint and quietly followed him inside the building for one more round.

When they were in the storehouse again, they moved towards those mountains of boxes, grabbing at one of them.

“We can’t leave all this stuff here. These supplies can keep us fed for months, at least” – Nick noticed, eyeing the wall of canned goods.

“We’ll come back another day.”

“Yeah, we have to lock this place so no one can get it” – Nick remarked and when Miguel nodded in agreement, they finally lifted the pack up.

Nick took a step back, suddenly feeling the slight pain in his foot. He couldn’t manage to understand what happened because it happened too fast and unexpectedly for both of them. Nick stepped on something and staggered, losing his balance and ending up on the floor. His quiet grunt was immediately followed by a sudden loud noise, a banging sound. When Nick succeeded to ignore the pain in his foot and the unpleasant sensation caused by falling on his ass, he looked up and met Miguel’s confused expression. The boy then found out what had caused the disturbing loud noise – it was the box that hit the floor when Miguel had dropped it.

“I’m sorry, I… lost my balance I guess” – Nick mumbled, trying to stand up on his feet again, instantly freezing when hearing familiar groans.

The old man suddenly seemed even more confused and troubled. Miguel looked around the room, roaming his eyes to find out where the grunts were coming from. He didn’t manage until a small door they hadn’t noticed before opened with a disturbing squeaking sound and the dead started to appear from behind it. It was at the other end of the storehouse, so Nick had enough time to stand up. He groaned in pain when he put his feet on the floor again and everything around him turned black. But it was only for a second, after that the boy managed to ignore it again, reaching for his knife on his belt.

“Nick, we have to run!” – Miguel cried out, looking in the direction of the open door from where the walkers were appearing, more and more of them suddenly. Their groans were increasing gradually and becoming louder and more intense.

“No, we gotta kill them, we need this place to come back to” – The boy protested and walked towards the group of walkers. There were already more than ten for sure, but he couldn’t be certain because the dead were still arriving from behind that small door.

“Somebody must have locked them in there” – Miguel decided, following the boy but still looking unsure – “Nick, we better call for the others.”

Nick moved forwards, stabbing the skull of the dead man with his knife. His foot still hurt but he couldn’t complain now, this was not the right place and time to go week-kneed.

He slaughtered a few walkers easily, the old man by his side. Miguel ran towards the door then and stared to end these who were appearing from the dark room behind it. Nick grabbed at one of these yellow toothed groaning creature’s shoulder and stabbed him, turning around to notice he was surrounded. He heard the familiar voices suddenly and knew without doubt that Troy and Ben were approaching the storehouse. Nick couldn’t look away even if he wanted to, because while finishing the one walker, the other one managed to grab at his shirt with his desiccated pale fingers.

Nick fell down again with a quiet cry of surprise and pain, at first stumbling against the wall of boxes, then hitting that same dusty floor. Two walkers fell over him, their faces now too close, their groans too loud. Nick managed to quickly stretch his both hands to hold their heads still, his fingers wrapping around their necks, rotten flesh getting in his nails. He dropped his knife to do so, realizing he didn’t have any other option - the dead were inches away from him and they were too hungry for his flesh. Now Nick’s hands were the only barrier between him and these shrieking beings. He knew exactly that if he released their necks or loosen his grip even slightly, their yellow rotten teeth would tear his face in seconds.

The boy recalled being in the similar situation, back there on the beach when he had fallen down into that hole. He’d managed to survive then, he could do the same now. However he wasn’t able to come up with anything to resist, he was barely managing to hold the heads of dead men still. The strength was slowly leaving his body and his hands were going numb with pain. His mind started to panic as the boy analyzed that there was nothing he could do to save himself. Nick’s heart began to race madly, echoing in his ears in alliance with these moans he was already so used to hear.

Nick heard a familiar voice again, now closer and clearer. Troy was screaming his name. The younger boy wanted to turn his head to look up and catch a glimpse of him, but he couldn’t move, afraid his hands would refuse to function and finally go numb. He fixed his gaze at these cold white eyes instead, and suddenly flinched, when noticing how a knife went through the skull, right in the middle of these eyes. The creature stopped groaning immediately and fell over Nick, his blood now wetting his shirt. Right after that, almost immediately the other walker was pulled away from the lying boy, and the knife entered his head too, finishing his miserable existence. Nick watched with wide eyes how Troy grabbed the first walker by his hair and tossed him away like he weighted nothing. The younger boy blinked when he no longer felt the weight of dead bodies on top of him. His arms were still stretched up, although there was nothing there to hold anymore.

“Nick!”

The boy finally managed to take control over his body, moving his hands down to rest on the floor near his thighs. Nick then looked up at Troy who abruptly fell on his knees.

“Nick, you bitten?!” – Troy cried out and panted, his voice cracking in the end. He started roaming his hands over the younger boy’s chest and face, mixed emotions wild on his face.

Nick’s brain couldn’t register his words at first but then he managed to concentrate on the present moment, and those crazy eyes staring down at him. The boy considered to reply but he couldn’t find his voice suddenly.

“Nick! Please…” – Troy’s desperate sob forced his gaze back to him and Nick was able to see that same deep blue color, coldness and waves gone without a sign. However, those eyes were now wide in fear and some other emotions hard to determine for Nick, who still wasn’t completely analyzing he was still alive and not torn to pieces.

“You bitten? Please, tell me you’re not bitten, Nick!”

The boy was almost begging now, panting and awkwardly roaming his hands over Nick’s body, like he was trying to check his friend for bites. Troy looked like he could easily start crying any second.

“I... I don’t think so” – The younger boy finally managed to mutter, his voice weak and unfamiliar even to his own ears.

Troy’s penetrating gaze fixed on his face then, demanding, pleading for a proper answer.

“I’m fine, I think” – Nick nodded and placed his elbows on the floor, raising his head slowly.

Troy’s reaction was something completely new and foreign for Nick, he hadn’t seen the boy so scared and excited, ever. Even when Jake got bitten, his brother hadn’t seemed so lost and shocked. Nick held his gaze, trying to figure out what was so different about his friend, what was that made Troy’s face so vulnerable. He looked just like a little kid, ready to start crying on his mother’s lap.

“You sure? You sure they haven’t…” – Troy swallowed hard, still looking uncertain, still gazing down at him with _that_ look.

“Yeah, they couldn’t get me” – Nick answered with a nod, trying to stand up on his feet again, biting back a pained moan.

Troy immediately wrapped his hands around him, helping him to get up. When Nick was returned into vertical position again, he looked around, noticing Miguel and Ben standing and panting near those dead bodies on the floor. 

“Miguel, you alright?” – Nick called for him.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m sorry,” – He breathed out, his chest rising and falling with each deep breathe – “I could not escape from them to help you.”

“Don’t worry about that. You were fighting against the whole group, man!” – Nick answered with a grin.

The old man smiled back, putting his palms on his knees and trying to catch his breath.

“If Ben appeared a few seconds later, I would be a dead man” – Miguel remarked, looking up at the giant man who stood there with a serious face expression as always.

Nick turned his face to his friend who was holding him, his one hand wrapped around the younger boy’s waist. Troy still looked scared and worried, his breathing still deep and unsteady. He held Nick’s gaze silently, and the younger boy thought he noticed something… something he’d never actually paid attention to before. Although it lasted just for a couples of seconds, Nick was pretty sure he saw the expression similar to what had been written on Camila’s face last night. He wasn’t given time to guess further, because Ben announced that the mission was almost completed. All they had to do now was to move rotting bodies away from their food and back into that room from where they’d managed to break through. They needed the storehouse full of supplies, that’s why they couldn’t leave the walkers in the same room, better safe than sorry. Miguel straightened himself up and started to help Benjamin, dragging walkers away from the place. Troy didn’t even move, standing there with his hand wrapped around Nick’s waist. The younger boy glanced at him with questioning look.

“You can let go now,” – Nick suggested quietly – “I’m fine.”

Troy shook his head slightly, not moving a muscle, like he couldn’t even comprehend what Nick was saying.

“We gotta help them” – Nick tried his luck again, nodding his head in the direction of the other men.

Troy then seemed like he finally managed to focus, nodded slightly.

“You sit here” – Said the taller boy, lowering his body down to sat Nick on the floor, slowly and carefully like the younger boy was fragile. Nick tried to resist, telling him that he was alright and he also could help, causing Troy to frown.

“Stay right here, I said” – The boy repeated and looked down at him, warning, his voice yet low and weak. With that, Nick simply surrendered, deciding there was no point in arguing.

After a few minutes the storehouse was cleared from walkers, all of them now resting in the room behind the door. Benjamin returned to the pack Nick and Miguel had dropped and bent down to lift it off the floor. Although he didn’t even ask for help, Miguel quickly took hold of the other side of the box. They started to carry it outside the room, reminding Nick that it was time to leave.

As for Nick, he was on his feet again, Troy approaching him and placing his fingers on his waist to help him walk. Nick liked the contact but he was now able to move without someone else’s help. So the boy decided to release his friend from his obligation.

“It’s okay, I can walk” – He nodded and Troy studied his face, still uncertain. That’s why Nick felt the need to add – “I just hit these boxes with my back while falling down, it’s nothing, really.”

Troy let him go then.

They left the building silently, Miguel closing the door with some metal chain he dragged from the trunk. After making sure that the door was properly locked, the man headed to the main entry to close it too. Nick and Troy were already sitting in the car, waiting for the others to be done with securing the factory. That didn’t take long and soon enough the two man were also returned to their seats, Ben starting the engine without a word.

Elias and Ricardo must've been on their way to the hospital by then. Nick hoped that they’d managed to escape the horde by drawing their attention with fireworks while they would get away from the road. They should have taken the other way, the longer but safer way to the hospital, leaving the army of walkers as far away from home as possible.

They had been riding back home in complete silence. The whole journey had been like a half-dream for Nick, he was napping in the dark car while the others were evidently too exhausted to talk. The boy would wake up time to time to see Troy sitting on the front passenger seat. He was silently eyeing his friend’s back occasionally, noticing the boy lost in thought, his head resting near the side window. Nick somehow knew he was awake, although Troy wouldn’t even glance at him, not once. Nick, too, was feeling quite weary and his head was a mess of thoughts, so he chose to remain silent. It was already late evening and the world seemed not so scary, with all the monsters hiding under the thick black blanket. Nick closed his eyes again, hoping for a nap but finding Troy’s face instead, the boy looking down at him with _that_ exact same expression. There were too many emotions on that face to identify, it was something Nick had never seen there before, something that was completely new and unfamiliar, something bizarre and unusual, extraordinary and absolutely adorable.

 

 


	17. Someday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> Enjoy <3

Nick was sitting in the waiting room in his faded armchair that used to be blue. The group was having a small party to celebrate a successful run and their return with a car full of supplies. Elias and Ricardo came back home shortly after the others had arrived. The men had reported that they’d also fulfilled their part of the mission, leaving the horde wandering in the wilderness. All of them deserved to get some rest and celebrate this little victory, so the women started to set the table. The boxes had been already sorted in the room intended for supplies, except one which they opened that night. Nick had been helping Sam with carrying drinks while the other two woman were busy placing the cans on the table.

“We need to find more people” – Sam’s voice forced Nick’s attention back to her – “Think about it, we have so many free rooms and now we have supplies. Tomorrow they’ll bring more.”

“You really think we can trust some strangers?” – Nick opened a bottle and placed it on the table, looking down at the girl.

“You and Troy were strangers, and we _did_ trust you,” – She said furrowing her brows – “we have to help each other if we want to survive this.”

Deep down Nick knew she was right. Despite the fact that humans were responsible for all the chaos ruling the universe, they still deserved the chance to fix it, change the situation somehow. They couldn’t do it by following those old rules like: ‘’man is a wolf to another man.’’ Although they were eating each other just like before, not everything was lost yet. There was a little hope left that together they could be stronger, these lone wolves. Maybe that was the answer to a big question of the apocalypse: ‘’how not to turn into a monster.’’ Nick avoided those large brown eyes and nodded slightly.

“Come on, let’s eat” – He said and sat himself down in his faded armchair.

Soon enough the whole group was assembled around those four little wooden counters that were transformed into one big table. Almost all of them looked so excited and satisfied suddenly, forgetting about the exhaustion as though they’d got rid of it together with their filthy clothes. Elena would have a great work to do next morning. However, she didn’t look like she cared about it too much.

Troy was sitting in front of Nick, wearing that same blue jacket from the Bazaar with olive green shirt. The younger boy tried to end up sitting next to him but Troy somehow slipped away, choosing the chair between Elias and Miguel. He was the only one who wasn’t smiling and Nick found it weird, feeling uneasy suddenly. He would ask if everything was alright but he couldn’t at that point – the boy was stuck in his chair with Sam and Camila on his sides. If he wanted to get up, he would be forced to disturb the women, which he didn’t intend to do.

Miguel was narrating about the run, going into details and finally starting to talk about that small group of walkers appearing from nowhere. Nick looked at Troy, noticing his sudden excitement and nervous, clumsy moves when Miguel touched the subject. The boy frowned and froze then, as if his mind was wandering somewhere far away from that room, drifted away from the present moment. Troy seemed unfocused and lost in his thought. He wouldn’t meet Nick’s eyes and was desperately trying to look anywhere but at him. He didn’t even eat his food, senselessly playing with it with his plastic fork for minutes. The more Nick noticed, the more worried he got, already planning to leave his chair. The women wouldn’t be upset about it, they were too happy, laughing while listening to Elias’s version now.

That was it, he finally decided to get up, forcing Sam and Camila to rise from their seats as well. Nick plunged his way through them, apologizing and smiling politely. Then he approached Troy’s chair, finally managing to get his attention – he looked up at Nick with confusion, still unfocused like he’d been daydreaming.

“I’m ganna go outside for a smoke. Could you keep me company?” – Nick asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Troy furrowed his brows, clearly not expecting the question. He hung his head then, nodding finally.

They left the waiting room and walked along the hallway, opening the glass door. Nick stopped near the entry, reaching for the pack in his pocket. He lit up his cigarette, puffing the smoke that started to dance in front of his eyes, eventually disappearing in the dim light on night. Troy stood next to him, leaning against the wall.

Nick could have smoked inside like he would usually do. Nobody would say anything, nobody would protest, he knew. He was perfectly aware of the real reason he’d chosen to leave the waiting room, together with Troy.

His eyes were roaming over the yard, gazing into the darkness. He was still looking anywhere but at Nick.

“Are you planning on leaving tomorrow with Ben and the others?” – Nick asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

Troy shook his head, crossing his hands over his chest.

“Nah, they’ll do fine without me, they’re free to take my car though.”

Nick nodded, even though he knew Troy couldn’t see his gesture, he was too busy staring at nothing in the dark. The younger boy pulled on his cigarette and blew the smoke away, exhaling deeply.

“Listen,” – Nick started after a short silence – “I haven’t thanked you properly.”

He then looked up at Troy who stood motionless, his eyes yet fixed on some dark spot on the horizon.

“You saved my ass back there. If it weren’t you, I’d be…”

“Shut up!”

Nick twitched when Troy’s harsh voice cut him off. He stared at the taller boy with wide eyes and confused face expression.

“Just shut up, I don’t…” – Troy blurted out, his voice lower this time. The boy shook his head nervously, his fingers now rubbing his eyes – “I can’t talk about it right now.”

Nick considered to answer, even though he had no idea what to say. He opened his mouth anyway, hoping to come up with something but was interrupted again.

“Finish that quickly and let’s go back.”

The boy looked down at the cigarette stuck between his fingers. Suddenly it tasted disgusting. He took a deep drag anyway, tossing the filter into the darkness. He turned around, noticing Troy reaching for the door and pushing it open. Nick followed him silently while they walked along the hallway and back into the room. His mood was ruined and he didn’t even want to return to that place filled with smiling people anymore. He felt the need to hide somewhere dark, so no one would find him for days. He was lost again, abandoning the hope to find out what Troy was so upset about, hating himself for thinking even for a second that he understood him. The inability to read Troy’s mind was now torturing him more than ever. He returned to his faded chair anyway, being the second person who wasn't smiling in the room. He stayed there for some time, eventually apologizing to the group and blaming it on weariness, wishing them goodnight. After a few minutes Nick left the waiting room, forced smile disappearing right after turning his back to those people. He walked away, leaving the room that was deafened with laughter and headed towards his dark, silent nest in attempt to hide there and lick his wounds. 

 

 

Nick was lying on his bed facing the ceiling when a low-pitched sound caught his attention. The boy held his breath and listened, not sure if the noise was real or he imagined it. Then the knocking repeated, followed by a voice Nick wasn’t expecting to hear that night.

“It’s me. You asleep?”

His voice was too quiet, like the boy was afraid to wake his friend up if he appeared to be sleeping.

“No.”

“Can I come in?” – Troy asked after a second of silence.

“Yeah” – Nick replied and raised his head. He leaned on his both elbows and looked in the direction of the door.

Troy appeared behind the open door, looking still hesitant. He nervously ran his fingers through his curls while closing the door with the other hand. Troy looked down at the lying boy, motionless for a couple of seconds. Then he inhaled deeply and took a few steps forward, stopping near the counter and grabbing at Nick’s knife.

Nick was staring at him curiously, still not sure about the reason of his friend’s unexpected visit. The boy was now playing with Nick’s knife with his long fingers, his moves nervous and clumsy.

“They’re still celebrating. Got me exhausted” – He said with a tiny smile crossing his lips that disappeared as fast as it had appeared.

He remained silent, looking indifferently at the tall boy with a knife. Troy gazed down at him and then hung his head, returning the knife on the counter and taking one hesitant step forward. He sat himself down on the end of Nick’s bed, his nervousness visible. The boy placed his palms on his knees and inhaled deeply, as if he was encouraging or calming himself down.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you, didn’t mean to.”

Nick wasn’t sure he’d heard Troy saying ‘’sorry’’ before. Maybe one time, after Lucas’s death. The word leaving his lips sounded somehow strange for the younger boy who wasn’t used to it. However he found himself pleased when hearing Troy’s apology.

“Yeah,” – He answered after a short silence – “It’s alright, I guess.”

“No, it’s not,” – Troy replied, not even looking at him, staring down at his own hands – “It’s just…”

Nick prepared himself for whatever he was going to say. Troy couldn’t hurt him more, he dared to think.

“Listen, I gotta tell you something,” – The older boy said in a low voice, his head still hung – “I think I won’t be able to go on runs with you anymore.”

Nick cursed himself for that last thought appearing in his mind, feeling alarmed and startled suddenly. He lifted his body, now staring at his friend’s profile from a sitting position.

“What?”

“I just…” – He breathed out, his fingers on his knees starting to move in a nervous manner – “I can’t concentrate with you always getting into trouble.”

“I’m sorry?” – Nick turned his head to raise an eyebrow in Troy’s direction.

The other boy remained silent, staring down at his long fingers resting on his knees.

“Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. Are you saying we can’t be friends anymore?” – Nick let out a sarcastic snort, feeling himself dizzy suddenly.

“No, that’s not what I… We’re not little kids.”

“Oh yeah? Then why’re you acting like one?” – Nick teased, tilting his head slightly to see his expression – “Can you at least look at me while talking to me?”

Troy turned his head then and Nick took his time to study those eyes. They were the same deep blue, without the clouds but with a hint of some odd, undefined sadness.

“Look, I never wanted you on this run and I appeared to be right. You almost…”

Troy paused, swallowing hard and frowning.

“I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t think properly when you’re around.”

Nick blinked slowly, analyzing the information he had just received. Troy looked so vulnerable, like a child ready to run and hide behind his mother’s back.

“Wait… What you’re saying is…” – Nick tried to concentrate, although his mind was racing – “You fucking moron!” – He yelped suddenly, causing his friend to twitch slightly and reflexively lean his upper body back – “I started to think you hated me, you damn idiot!”

“I… I don’t hate you, I just…” – Troy started to mumble, only to be interrupted by Nick again.

“Of course you don’t, you just _like_ me.”

Nick hadn’t missed the sound of his friend inhaling sharply. He frowned even more and started to shake his head repeatedly and a bit stupidly.

“No, I… I’ve told you, I’m not into guys.”

Nick snorted.

“I’m not gay” – Troy repeated if only to himself, his voice lower this time.

“Gay or straight, whatever, man! Why all these labels? Nobody cares about it.”

Troy was looking at him with furrowed brows, clearly not agreeing but not arguing either. Nick quickly lifted his body and ended up sitting next to his friend after a second.

“Especially not in _this_ world.”

“No, I just…” – Troy was shaking his head again, as if trying to protest or disagree.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Troy!”– Nick breathed out, hanging his head, still not managing to sort the sudden information in his head – “What are you so afraid of?”

“I… I’m not afraid of anything” – He whispered, his voice weak and unsure, as though he knew this wasn’t a satisfying answer. Troy remained silent after replying and they sat there like that for a few seconds, both of them with their heads hung, both of them staring down at some dark spot on the floor.

“Let me try something” – Nick whispered eventually, forcing Troy’s attention back to him. The boy looked confused again, eyeing him with questioning look.

Nick took his time to study that face, adjusting his eyes to the dim light of the room, distinguishing Troy’s face features. His gaze stopped and focused on his lips suddenly. Then he looked up to meet the older boy’s eyes again.

“I’m gonna try something, but you have to promise you won’t push me away or hit me. No violence!”

Troy frowned, his nervousness impossible to miss just as that gentle pink color suddenly flushing his face. He shook his head quickly.

“No.”

“No to violence or no to my plan?”

“No!” – He insisted anxiously – “Do you think this is some kind of game?!” – The boy growled, his eyes going wild.

“Oh, Troy, this definitely isn't a game for me. I take it _very_ seriously, trust me.”

Troy didn’t answer, he didn’t move or stood up to run either, so Nick dared to think that the conversation was going alright, or not too bad at least.

“Now… I know you’re not gonna freak out or hit me” – Nick whispered, reaching to softly touch his neck, causing Troy to twitch slightly under his fingers.

The younger boy studied his face carefully, meeting those blue eyes and returning his gaze back to his lips. He shifted his body closer to his friend, leaning until their noses were almost touching.  Nick then moved his head, closing his eyes and softly capturing Troy’s trembling lips. Nick started to kiss him slowly and deliberately, not wanting to scare him like that one time. He didn’t care about the response, he was just praying not to get pushed away again. Nick’s fingers were now wrapped around the back of Troy’s neck and he started to carefully caress his warm, smooth skin there with his thumb. Troy wasn’t responding and Nick could sense his nervousness. He even thought, he felt his friend shivering beneath his fingertips.

“It’s okay…” – Nick whispered, breaking the kiss only for a second. Then he met those warm lips once again, forcing them slightly open, yet being hesitant and trying not to be pushy. As the younger boy finally dared to slide his tongue into that warm mouth, he heard the sound of Troy’s deep intake of air. Then he breathed out through his nose shakily, his hands clutching at Nick’s blanket, which appeared to be the nearest thing to grasp at.

Good, he still was sitting there on Nick’s bed, not running away yet. The younger boy couldn’t ask for more. However he _wanted_ more. That’s why he rose immediately, not thinking too hard about his actions. Nick stood up from the bed, causing his friend to suddenly flinch and look up at him absently. The younger boy hadn’t given him time to realize what was going on, he quickly but carefully sat himself down on his lap.

“Nick?”

“It’s alright” – He murmured and placed his palms on his checks, leaning forward and pressing their lips together. Nick was trying his best to control himself and his desires - suddenly too clear and obvious to his mind. If he’d had any doubts before, they were gone now. He was completely sure about what he wanted, and with _that_ now so close to him he could almost taste it, Nick felt overwhelmed and lightheaded. That warm body pressed against his, the hot breath tickling Nick’s checks was setting his nerves on fire. It took all of his willpower not to grab Troy like a caveman and undress him right then and there. He wasn’t allowed to make a mistake by doing something that could scare the other boy. Nick decided to be thankful for what he had. He moved his hands away from Troy’s checks, sliding his fingers through his messy hair instead. The younger boy could feel how Troy’s heart was speeding up through the thin fabric shirt.

Nick moved his face down to caress Troy’s bearded chin. Then he slowly began an exploration of his throat, touching the sensitive skin with wet lips and sensing how his friend tensed suddenly.

“Nick, I’m… I’m dirty” – He heard him whisper.

“Yeah, me too, you have no idea.”

“Nick!” – Troy warned and Nick let out a quiet chuckle.

“No, you’re not dirty. You smell good, as always.”

With that, he returned his lips to his friend’s neck again, worshiping his smooth, warm skin there, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses.

He was now able to hear Troy’s unsteady breathing that was encouraging him, boiling his blood and sending electric shivers down his spine. Fuck all the drugs in the world, Nick had found something a million times more incredible and mind blowing, and he’d be damned if he was letting it go.

“How do you feel?” – He whispered, not even stopping kissing Troy’s neck, touching the skin where he remembered those little birthmarks to be, now hiding in the dark.

“Like I can easily pass out” – Troy uttered in a low, deep voice.

“Well, don’t, ‘cause I can take advantage of that.”

Troy puffed and tried to answer as Nick bit down onto his neck slightly, feeling how his whole body shivered violently under him. The younger boy hadn’t missed a tiny, breathy moan that escaped Troy’s mouth and went straight into the lower part of Nick’s body. He couldn’t fight back his own soft groan this time. Nick pressed himself closer to him, even though he’d thought it wasn’t possible.

“Nick, have you…”

The boy was forced to finally leave his neck alone. He raised his head to look down at Troy eagerly and impatiently. Nick still was dazed by the turn of events, silently hoping he wouldn’t wake up suddenly.

“Have you been with a guy before?” – He asked, his face flushed again. Nick hadn’t missed that despite of the darkness filling the room. He enjoyed this new side of his friend, Troy being shy was something he had never thought he’d be able to witness.

“Yeah, I’ve done stuff while I was on drugs. Nothing serious, just drugged sex… but yes, I’ve been with men.”

Nick was able to clearly see how nervous Troy seemed suddenly, with his shaky hands resting on the bed like he wasn’t sure what to do with them, and his face – a canvas painted with chaotic, mixed, colorful emotions.

“But I… I’ve never…”

Nick touched his check, forcing his attention back to him. He looked up with a face so vulnerable and innocent, it was almost impossible for Nick to gain control over his own body and mind. He leaned forward and hid his face in Troy’s neck again, mouthing his way down and leaving wet trails on his smooth skin. His scent was driving Nick crazy, making it hard to breathe suddenly. The boy felt as if his whole body was on fire, the hope of getting some sleep that night left and forgotten. Nick started to seek for Troy’s earlobe, nibbling softly and hearing a low groan leaving his friend’s throat.

“It’s fine. We’re just kissing. We’re not doing anything” – He murmured between kisses he was now leaving on Troy’s neck again.

“Yeah… you better tell that to my friend down there.”

Then Nick was forced to look up again, returning his intense gaze back to his friend. He just couldn’t do the other way, he had to see his expression.

“Oh, fuck, you’re so into me!” – The boy remarked with a grin, feeling himself powerful and amazing suddenly. He pushed Troy with one hand, gently but firmly, and the boy was suddenly lying on his back. Nick captured those lips again and his heart almost skipped out of his chest when the other boy finally responded. Although he was still being uncertain and hesitant, and his moves were slow and clumsy, it was more than Nick could ask for. He raised his head after the soft, yet passionate kiss they’d shared, only to gaze down at Troy lying there panting, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his eyes dark and his messy curls all over the place. Nick captured that moment, keeping it in his memory.

“When I saw you there, lying on the floor…” – The familiar voice sounded again, causing Nick to concentrate on Troy’s face that was somehow darker now. His expression was similar to what Nick had seen at the factory, when Troy saved him from unavoidable death – “I thought you were…”

He swallowed hard, as if remembering, the image of Nick struggling with walkers was still torturing him. He continued then with a low, weak voice.

“I’ve never felt so helpless before. And I panicked, for a second. I stood there for one second, couldn’t move. Everything was spinning and turning black…” – He was talking slowly, with pauses, as if it was hard for him to remember or to confess. Nick couldn’t figure out for sure what was the hardest part, but the fact that Troy was hurt was impossible not to notice. Nick was left silently studying the younger boy’s face from up there.

“And when I thought you were dying, I felt like dying too” – Troy added, his voice turning into a whisper in the end. He then avoided Nick’s eyes and gazed at some dark spot in the room.

“Who’s the poet now?” – was all Nick could manage to mutter with a hint of a smile.

There was no reply, as Nick predicted. His friend seemed like he didn’t even hear these words. Troy’s face features were still frozen in that same expression of shock and concern, as if he was grappling with emotions that kept torturing him.

“Come here” – Nick murmured finally and reached to touch his friend’s arm resting on the bed near his thigh. As if awakening from a dream, Troy suddenly looked up at him, returning his gaze. He still seemed somehow unfocused and puzzled. However, he raised his body without hesitation and let the younger boy pull him into his embrace. At first Troy was motionless but then he finally decided to move, wrapping his arms around Nick’s waist who was now sitting on his lap again.

They had stayed in this position for a few minutes, Nick wasn’t sure, he’d lost the sense of time. Who needed clocks in a zombie apocalypse anyway? They had stayed like that for some time. Then Troy left to sleep in his own room. Although Nick had considered to ask him to stay, he couldn’t. First of all, the bed was too small for two people, none of them would manage to get some sleep. But even if there was enough space, the boy couldn’t be sure that Troy would agree to share a bed with him. They’d slept on one sofa before but _now_ things were different. And there was also Nick who couldn’t fully trust himself with his friend lying next to him, while he tasted so sweet and smelled so good. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to control his desires, he couldn’t allow himself ending up doing something that’d scare him. Now that Troy was so close, Nick wasn’t going to let him go. He could wait.

When Troy reached the door, he turned around to look back at Nick, who was still sitting on his bed. The younger boy silently enjoyed the sight - he could distinguish his friend’s messy hair and swollen lips even in the dim light. Nick felt some strange pleasure and satisfaction when seeing the result of his actions, and knowing it was _him_ who made Troy look like this. With a quiet ‘’goodnight’’ the boy closed the wooden door behind him, leaving his friend in the bed that now smelled like him. Nick doubted he was going to get some rest. However, the boy didn’t really care about it, simply because _Troy_ was the reason to keep him up at night.

 

 


	18. My Long Suffering Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, honestly! :)  
> Enjoy! ❤

At dawn’s first light, Nick woke up not remembering when he had finally managed to drift off. After Troy had left, he’d been restlessly rolling in his bed, thinking about what had happened, still not fully believing it wasn’t a perfect illusion or a dream. Troy was real for sure, just as his trembling lips under Nick’s soft ones, and his hot breath on the younger boy’s face. He had finally dared to open up, and even if everything had been told indirectly, he’d confessed to his friend in one way or another. Nick was by no means expecting from him to hear something like ‘’I like you’’ in all seriousness, so what he’d witnessed and heard last night was more than enough for him.

The first thing he thought about when opening his eyes was Troy. The memory of last night made his heart beat faster suddenly, as he was convinced that all of that hadn’t been a dream. Nick rolled on his bed, turning his face to the sun rays creeping into his room through those faded, worn out curtains that never had been took down and washed properly. It could seem to be just like an ordinary morning, if not the apocalypse. Nick felt the strange tingling in his stomach, something like reasonless happiness suddenly crawling under his skin, making him excited and lightheaded. He had forgotten this feeling long time ago, even before the world collapsed. The boy enjoyed that one moment with a tiny, uncontrollable smile of delight that lit up his face. Then he raised his body and reached for his clothes on the counter.

Right after Nick left his room, he headed towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. He immediately noticed Troy at the end of the corridor, walking to his room with a white towel resting around his neck.

“Morning” – Nick said with a smile and eyed him up and down. He was wearing a light blue shirt the other boy hadn’t seen before. His hair was wet and messy, instantly reminding Nick about his own fingers running through that curls.

“Uhum” – was all he muttered, reaching for his door handle, then turning to Nick again - “What’re you up to?”

“Gonna brush my teeth” – He shrugged and slightly raised his hand holding a toothbrush.

“Yeah, alright,” – The taller boy opened the door wide – “I’ll be downstairs.”

Nick nodded and turned around as Troy entered his room.

 

 

After a few minutes they were sitting in the waiting room in their armchairs standing next to each other. Nick had made himself comfortable with his legs crossed, eating his pasta right from the can, licking his fingers like some kind of weirdo. On the other hand, who needed plates or forks anyway, he was just thankful for having something that was edible. The boy had been gnawing at god knows what right from the ground not too long ago. Compared to that, now it felt like he was in heaven. Nick would eat anything, not caring about how it tasted, he wasn’t picky at all. He would caught his friend glancing at him time to time, not really minding about his curious eyes. He was hungry, his appetite was back and he couldn’t care less about good manners.

Sam joined them, taking her seat next to Nick. She hailed the boys with a cheerful ‘’Good morning’’, nibbling and chewing something. Then the girl started to talk about the men who had left early, returning to the factory with two cars to bring back more supplies. She asked briefly what their reason for staying was, while all the other man were on a mission. Nick glanced at Troy but he didn’t even look up from his plate, he simply kept eating. Then the younger boy shifted his attention to the girl curiously waiting for an answer with a knowing smile.

“We weren’t really needed there” – Nick replied and grinned back as her smile widened.

Shortly afterwards they were joined by Camila and Elena, starting to set the table. Nick somehow knew from the moment he’d woken up that it was going to be the day when you sit around and do nothing. He appeared to be right. With the men gone, they had no car to visit that old house with a wooden stove, deciding to do it after their return. As they finished the breakfast, the only solution to kill the time appeared to be cards again. While the women evidently had more important things to do, Nick, Troy and Sam had spent hours playing that old game. Although it had been hard for the younger boy to concentrate and his mind had been wandering off, Nick still managed to win one round but only. Samantha was taking advantage of him then, reading her friend like an open book, knowing smile lingering on her face, as if she was aware of something she wasn’t supposed to know.

The men appeared with two vehicles full of boxes, interrupting the game eventually, preventing Sam from winning another round. Nick wasn’t really into it, his attention was absorbed by different things, for instance, his friend sitting next to him. That’s why he got happy and a bit relieved when he heard the engine groaning sound. This way he could escape from Sam who was relentlessly mocking and joking around, celebrating her victory with a loud laugh of satisfaction. She looked like some villain or evil stepmother from old animations, Nick couldn’t ignore the similarity. He tried to hide his delight when they were forced to end the game, truly afraid Samantha could easily stab him with her knife if she noticed. So Nick masked his excitement by fake disappointment, grabbing at Troy’s arm and dragging him away from the table to help the men with carrying those boxes. Sam cursed and tossed the cards away, and damn, she looked scary. Nick hastened his steps, pulling Troy with him, not caring about his grumbling.

 

 

They left late afternoon, not spending more time on lunch, grabbing two cans with them instead. The boys weren’t going to stay there, they would return back home in a few hours, but Nick liked the atmosphere of those old houses and that’s why he decided to eat their. Both of them had been there before and they knew the way. The cabin was maximum half an hour away from the hospital. They took Troy’s car, which would definitely contain that small wood burning stove that had been captured by Nick’s memory from the first visit. Troy made sure to create the right mood with a help of one of those cassettes he’d been keeping in a glove box, some Heavy Metal band’s music as a soundtrack to their short trip.

Eventually they reached that abandoned wooden house, Nick had remembered the way correctly. After Troy made sure to check if the cabin was actually abandoned and there weren’t unwanted guests waiting inside, he stopped knocking and pushed the door open. It made a sound Nick recognized from horror movies - when someone opens the door painfully slow and suddenly something jumps out from the dark corner. Thankfully, nothing jumped out to attack them from that house, and Troy and Nick entered it, closing the door behind. The younger boy headed towards the room that supposed to be kitchen, smiling down at that old fashioned stove. It was tiny and looked like it was from the other century or dimension, connected to the wall with a pipe. The boys carefully separated that tube from the stove, coughing when all the dust and smoke rose in the air like a scary, black cloud. The thing appeared to be heavier than it seemed, regardless of its size. Both of them wrapped their arms around the stove to hold it tight and started to move towards the car.

After placing the stove into the trunk, Nick offered his friend to stay for some time in that not so cozy and clean cabin that smelled like dampness and wood. The boy used his hunger as a motive, not completely simulating – he was actually starving. Troy agreed with annoyed look and they returned back into the house.

Shortly afterwards, they were sitting next to each other on a faded sofa, eating their spaghetti right from the cans. The room was small and messy, useless old things scattered all over the floor, covered with a thick layer of dust. Nevertheless, Nick was feeling comfortable. He’d always been a mess and his room had looked quite like this even when the world was normal. The boy had never felt the need of putting all of his stuff to where it belonged, never really minding if not everything around him was perfect. Nick simply had been enjoying little pleasures and moments of the pandemonium that was called his life.

“About that militia stuff…” – Nick started, breaking a silence – “Have you always been that kind of guy?”

Troy fixed his gaze at him, chewing his spaghetti.

“Not really.”

The younger boy lifted his body, making himself more comfortable on the sofa, sitting now with crossed-legs on it. Nick then glanced at his friend, silently asking for more details. Troy looked up from his meal and started roaming his eyes around the room.

“I was a weak kid.”

“What do you mean?”

Troy exhaled and started to pointlessly play with his spaghetti using the plastic fork.

“I was soft, used to cry a lot” – He answered eventually, Nick nodding in understanding and throwing a knowing look at him. It wasn’t so hard to believe given the fact that Troy’s parents were alcoholics. Nick could imagine his childhood with those people around. Remembering about Jeremiah suddenly awakened an unpleasant sensation in the younger boy’s stomach, and Troy made it worse when he spoke again.

“That kind of stuff, it was big Otto’s idea. Even when I was very young, he’d been involving me in anything he’d thought could make me stronger.”

Nick studied his profile without a word, understanding his friend perfectly. What Troy was talking about - he’d also been there, he’d felt that too.

“He wanted me like Jake, I guess…” – Troy continued, suddenly remembering about his food and moving his fork to his mouth – “He’d always been his favorite.”

Nick had felt that odd connection with Troy before, so many times, he couldn’t even count. Now was another time he was understanding him better than he was able to explain with only words. No matter how hard he tried to, the younger boy wouldn’t manage to come up with a relevant reply. He guessed Troy didn’t want to hear it anyway, he wouldn’t want to be appeased. No words could fix what had been already done. Nick couldn’t say anything to change the past, and he definitely couldn’t feel sorry for his friend, that would be the worst thing to do to him. Troy wouldn’t appreciate being an object of pity, this was for sure. Nick wasn’t intending to sympathize with him in any case, he simply wished for him to feel understood.

“Well, you are _my_ favorite” – Nick said suddenly and unexpectedly for his friend, causing him to return the gaze. Nick grinned widely and watched as the other boy’s face broke into a smile. Troy shook his head in annoyance, looking away and returning his attention to his spaghetti again.

Nick’s stubborn gaze was fixed on Troy’s lips, moving down to his bearded chin and long neck. The memory of last night was immediately back again, making Nick obviously braver for some reason.

“This is the time when you say something nice back.”

Troy looked at him and rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious” – Nick insisted, raising his eyebrows.

“I’m not good at this” – He replied finally, hanging his head as if with shame, like he had just confessed to doing something embarrassing.

“Then give me a kiss, at least” – Nick defied, anticipation of Troy’s reaction increasing his pulse. The older boy glanced in his direction, yet not daring to meet his eyes. Nick could sense his nervousness. With a tiny smirk of satisfaction his friend's shyness was giving him, he leaned forward, slowly, as if afraid to miss any emotion from that messy, colorful canvas that was Troy’s face. The younger boy closed his eyes only when he was millimeters away from Troy's mouth, capturing those slightly parted lips. The kiss was soft and gentle with Nick doing almost all the ‘’work’’, but it became passionate immediately after he felt warm fingers on his neck.

Nick deepened the kiss and moved his both palms to rest on his friend’s face, feeling Troy’s hand slowly sliding down to his back. He left it there, not moving or squeezing, just holding him gently. Troy was still being unsure and noticeably tense. The other boy knew he wasn’t going to get used to this kind of closeness so easily, and it was completely understandable. Although the last thing Nick wanted was to somehow force his friend or seem needy, the desire was getting stronger, winning over his clear mind. He was trying his best to control himself, and yet, he couldn’t get enough of those soft, puffy lips.

Nick shifted his palms from Troy’s jaw to his chest and pushed slightly, so that the older boy was now lying on his back. He crawled on top of him, while Troy lifted his upper body up to make himself more comfortable with his legs now also on the sofa. He wasn’t running away or protesting, Nick’s mind started to register, deciding that Troy liked the contact too. It couldn’t have been the other way - he wanted more, just like his friend.

As he sat himself comfortably on his lap again, Nick gazed down at Troy, eyeing him carefully.

“What do you usually think about when you touch yourself?”

And where did that come from, Nick had no clue, these words had just left his mouth before his mind could comprehend. He immediately regretted opening his mouth, only it was already too late. Troy tensed under him and Nick swallowed hard, anticipating what his recklessness could bring. He mentally prepared himself for Troy’s reaction - he could freak out, this time for sure. The younger boy held his breath unconsciously, silently watching how his friend furrowed his brows, his face turning into something between surprised and confused.

“I don’t know, just… just some random couple fucking, I guess…” – He replied eventually, avoiding Nick’s eyes.

Maybe this wasn’t as bad as it had seemed one second ago. Nick blinked and inhaled deeply, staring down at his friend who was still lying there, tense and timid, yet motionless.

“Hmm, I could’ve guessed.”

“What… Why’re you asking that?”

“Just curious” – Nick shrugged and reached for Troy’s arms resting near his thighs, placing them on his hips.

Troy twitched, clearly not expecting the sudden contact. However, he didn’t move his palms away, keeping them on the younger boy’s sides.

“You want me to give you something to think about when you’ll be doing it again?” – With a quiet suggestion Nick leaned on his both palms now resting on the sofa on either side of Troy and placed a soft kiss on his lips. The boy didn’t respond but didn’t push him away either. Encouraged, Nick dared to slide his tongue into that hot mouth, instantly feeling Troy’s grip on his hips tightening. He smelled like something well-known and familiar, and yet so unique and wonderful. Nick couldn’t get enough of that scent, feeling his head going heavier. Troy’ lips began to move slightly, as if he was still not sure he was doing it right, surprising the other boy again. How could he look so innocent and sincere while holding Nick’s body, when the same person looked so extremely violent and bloodthirsty when griping a weapon? The boy was failing to concentrate on anything, except those slightly trembling lips on his puffy ones and long fingers clutching at his hipbones, as if Troy was afraid Nick was going to change his mind and leave him.

Nick was forced to break the kiss, when Troy decided to speak all of a sudden, destructing his friend and causing him to raise his head. The boy looked down at him, watching those long eyelashes fluttering while his eyes were roaming over Nick’s face.

“Tell me about these guys you’ve been with.”

Now that was unexpected. Nick didn’t really want to talk about his past. He took his time to study the boy from up there. He squinted down at him, as if trying to figure out why all of a sudden Troy wanted to hear about his ex-partners.

“Why do you wanna know about that?” – He asked suspiciously.

“Just curious” - Troy repeated Nick’s excuse – “How did you… What have you been usually doing with them?”

The last part was uttered quietly, the older boy avoiding his friend’s stubborn gaze fixed on him. That innocent look was back again and it was really hard for Nick not to grin. However, he managed to hide his tiny smile behind those long strands anyway.

“Okay, but keep in mind that it’s not the part of my life I’m proud of,” – Nick started finally – “as I've already told you, it was nothing serious, just sex without feelings.”

Troy dared to return his gaze, now looking up at the boy sitting in his lap, listening with unmistakable curiosity.

“There was my drug dealer, one of them. After I'd told him I couldn’t pay him right then and there, he suggested I could pay by doing something else. He’d given me a few more days for collecting money, in exchange for a blow job. That simple” – Now Nick was the one to break the eye contact. He was feeling some kind of shame while telling a story, and the memory was affecting him strangely. The boy found himself afraid that Troy was going to judge him or hate him after hearing what he had to say. He continued anyway – “And then the other guy, I don’t remember his name... We used to do it while my girlfriend Gloria was too stoned and couldn’t notice anything even if the place was struck by lightning,” – Nick looked at some dirty spot on the wall, not daring to glance down at the boy, too afraid of what he could've found there on his face – “I didn’t really like him but I liked the feeling, so I just kept letting him fuck me.”

When he finished talking, he exhaled shakily, as if he’d been confessing to priest, admitting his crimes and waiting for forgiveness. Nick slowly turned his face to finally look down at his friend. He found Troy with furrowed brows.

“Are you disgusted by me?”

During those few seconds spent in silence, Troy had been roaming his eyes over Nick’s face. The younger boy had been holding his breath without even realizing it.

“No…” – He answered finally in a low voice. There was some unfamiliar tenderness in the way he was looking at Nick that made his heart skip a beat – “I just wish someone had been there to support you.”

It wasn’t a pity, Nick knew, it was just empathy and understanding. With another deep exhale, the younger boy nodded slightly and swallowed that painful lump.

“What am I gonna do with you?” – He murmured slowly, shaking his head slightly and smiling down at his friend.

“I don’t know… I remember you were planning on doing something there. What was it?” – He asked, his lips breaking into a smirk.

Nick chuckled quietly and nodded with a grin.

“Right!” – He leaned down, supporting his body with his palms. The boy waited for one second to meet Troy’s eyes, after that he crashed their lips together in a long, lingering kiss. Those arms were wrapped around his back in no time, sliding down to rest on his hips. Nick was kissing his friend hungrily now, not afraid he would run away anymore. The boy was somehow sure he was definitely staying this time.

The kiss slowly became passionate and a bit rough, with Troy biting his friend’s lower lip slightly. Nick let out a surprised gasp and giggled, attacking his mouth with more lust. His face was heating up as Troy’s breathing became deep and unsteady. Nick abruptly moved to position himself more comfortable and hid his face in his neck, kissing each and every tiny birthmark he found there. He was leaving wet trials, feeling his friend’s excitement when Nick let out a hot breathe on his neck. Troy’s fingers squeezed tighter on his waist and he breathed out a quiet, soft moan. Nick felt his head spinning but pleasantly when hearing that sound leaving the boy’s lips. He wanted to hear it again, so he continued to explore Troy’s neck, repeating the action that caused that little moan.

Nick raised his head then, reaching for his friend’s blue shirt and starting to struggle with buttons. He hadn’t missed Troy’s questioning look, his blue eyes searching for Nick’s dark ones. The younger boy quickly glanced down at him, not stopping what he was doing. His fingers were shaky from excitement and anticipation, so it would definitely take some time.

“Do you mind?”

“Nah, go ahead” – Troy murmured, clearing his throat quietly. His voice sounded deep and raspy.

When he finally succeeded to unbutton the shirt, Troy slightly lifted his upper body to help him, and Nick tossed the layer away to rest on the end of the sofa. Then he looked down and his eyes wandered over Troy’s bare chest. He stopped his gaze and let it linger at his abdomen, hairless white skin of his belly. Nick swallowed hard, his mind already dizzy with the realization of being so close to what he wanted so much. He looked back at the older boy’s face, studying it, checking for any doubts or fears. What he found was Troy breathing unsteady, his mouth slightly ajar and his eyes darker. The older boy met his eyes and licked his lips, and only the sight of it almost made Nick hard. This wasn’t for him, this was for Troy, he reminded himself, finally breaking the eye contact and reaching for the boy’s leather belt on his tight jeans from the Bazaar. While removing it, he felt Troy’s body tensing under him but he didn’t stop. It was natural that his friend was a little shaky and nervous, all of this was new for him. That’s why Nick set himself a goal to do anything and everything in his power to please him, make him feel good and help him get rid of those doubts once and for all. The boy silently braced himself and continued his exploration, shifting his body slightly to get more comfortable on Troy’s thighs.

Nick didn’t stop when Troy tensed even more, he didn’t stop until he unzipped his pants too, noticing a bulge in his boxers. Nick swallowed thickly, feeling his mouth watering for some reason. He hesitantly reached his hand to touch that bulge, causing Troy to twitch slightly. Nick glanced at him then, silently praying for him not to change his mind suddenly. He gripped at those pants and boxers and slid them down slowly and carefully, watching how his dick broke free.

Nick swallowed a mouthful of saliva, his dark, heavy eyes now fixed on Troy’s dick resting on his lower abdomen.

“Wow! That’s… Impressive.” – The younger boy finally managed to murmur, still staring at the sight with wide eyes like enchanted.

He leaned forward then, placing one palm near Troy’s head, while his other hand he used to slowly caress the boy’s naked chest. Nick angled his head to get closer and reached for the older boy’s neck again. His gentle kisses trailed down to his collarbone and chest. When hearing Troy’s unsteady breathing again, he eagerly moved his fingers down his pelvis, wrapping his hand around his dick and giving it a slow, experimental stroke.

“Fuck…” – The older boy hissed quietly.

After a few stokes of his penis in Nick’s fist, Troy breathed out a soft, muffled groan and clutched at his friend’s hips again.

“Does this feel too… uh, unnatural to you?” – Nick whispered in his neck.

“Nah,” – He heard him reply with a deep voice – “not when you’re the one who’s doing it.”

That was an answer Nick was not waiting for, but it made him feel at ease. As hearing these words that sounded too right to his ears, Nick couldn’t hold himself back. He attacked Troy’s lips and captured them in a hungry kiss, causing his friend to groan in his mouth. Nick inhaled deeply through his nose and buried his face in the older boy’s warm neck, still moving his fingers along the length of Troy’s dick.

“Shit!” – The boy beneath him gasped and unexpectedly for Nick, wrapped his fingers around the younger boy’s neck, squeezing forcefully.

He raised his head to look down at Troy who was panting now, his long fingers gripping at Nick’s neck. The unexpected touch took the younger boy by surprise, causing him to blink. No matter how hot Troy looked like that and how much Nick enjoyed the sight, he couldn’t help but wince from the light pain inflicted by those fingers. The younger boy straightened himself up and griped his free hand at Troy’s wrist, clenching slightly.  

“S-sorry…” – He breathed out when meeting Nick’s wide eyes and realizing he was hurting him. Troy immediately loosened his grip and removed his fingers from the boy’s neck, his face flushed.

“So you’re into that kinda stuff, why am I not surprised?” – Nick murmured with a sly grin.

“What?”

“Nothing… It’s alright,”– He nodded, sliding his fingers wrapped around Troy’s dick up and down, causing the boy to groan and shiver slightly – “I’m totally okay with that.”

Troy’s mouth fell open again and the younger boy leaned forward to lick those trembling, swollen lips, feeling warm, demanding hands on his body again, squeezing and desperately trying to drag him closer. Troy was responding with the same uncontrollable need, raising his head slightly and seeking for his mouth. Nick let him. He was ready to let him do anything he would like to. He was almost desperate with this guy around, and now seeing him sharing his feelings and desires, even without saying it out loud, was just too much to deal with. The way Troy was touching him showed the younger boy his capacity for depth of emotion and affection he couldn’t predict. Troy claimed his mouth and deepened the kiss, and Nick felt overwhelmed and lightheaded, his breathing loud and unsteady, his heart pounding violently in his chest. Nick broke the kiss finally and hid his flushed face in Troy’s neck, nibbling and sucking on his smooth skin there. The sounds he made went straight into Nick’s dick, now coming to life and uncomfortably pressing through his pants.

“Oh, shit…” – The boy muttered, his words turning into a low groan, sounding like a lullaby to Nick’s ears. He inhaled deeply, afraid to faint with all those powerful emotions hitting him at the same time. He was hard now, too, and Troy should have noticed, no matter how lost he seemed, he wasn’t no fool, nor blind to miss Nick’s excitement pressing right into his bare stomach.

“You know what I think about while doing it?” – Nick murmured in his ear, feeling Troy’s hot body shivering under him again – “You. I imagine you touching me, kissing me like this and…” – He breathed out and bit down on his earlobe slightly. Troy’s loud, helpless moan sounded together with Nick’s words.

He came with a choked cry, releasing into Nick’s hand and all over his stomach. The younger boy gave him one last gentle stroke, feeling the liquid dripping down the warm skin of his own fingers. He looked at his friend then. Troy was panting with his mouth ajar, his brows furrowed, his eyes shut. When he opened them, Nick appeared to be so close, he could see his own reflection in them. He gazed into those eyes with dilated pupils for a long moment and raised his head finally, straightening himself up. Nick remembered about his own problem suddenly, stubbornly and painfully pressing in his pants. He wiped his right hand on the sofa and slowly and clumsily crawled over Troy. When he was on his feet, his friend raised his head and stared at him, a look of concern on his face.

“Where’re you going?”

“Uh… Have to get rid of _this._ ”

Troy looked down to where Nick was pointing his finger and unconsciously licked his lips, yet looking somehow shy and avoiding meeting the boy’s eyes. Nick’s face broke into a smile when seeing his reaction.

“I’ll be back very soon” – He added and turned around, leaving the room and heading to the other one, where he would finally be able to calm his burning body down. He was sure that wouldn’t take long.

 

 

When Nick returned to the room, Troy had been already dressed and waiting for him there, leaning against the wall. As he caught a glimpse of the younger boy, he instantly got fidgety, straightening his back and nervously running his fingers through his messy hair.

“Should we leave now?” – Nick asked, trying desperately to not smile at the sight of Troy looking like a teenager on his first date.

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go” – he muttered, nodding and turning around.

Nick followed him silently, finally allowing himself to grin after his friend turned his back to him. Both of them remained quiet as mice while driving back home, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Nick got some weird sensations of peacefulness and comfort you experience when you don’t necessarily feel the need to speak while being with another human; When silence is not perceived as some kind of void you need to fill with words. There was some odd, invisible bond between them, connection that was amazingly deep and powerful. And sitting there with Troy as they shared the silence, there was just something about it that made Nick feel himself real. He embraced the sensation so unexplored to him, relaxing completely and letting himself daydream. Distant, muffled sound of Heavy Metal music on background was reaching his ears - the great soundtrack of the zombie apocalypse.

 

 


	19. Hearts Still Beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!  
> I want to apologize for not posting this yesterday, I was going to, but the power was off (That happens pretty often, when you live in Georgia:((( ) I'm sure you'll be finding some mistakes here, feel free to correct them if you want :)  
> The next and the last chapter will be posted in a few days, sorry about that, I don't want to end this story but that doesn't actually depend on me... If I manage to write something else, you'll know I promise! ;)  
> Enjoy ^_^

The next few days had passed painfully slow, like a routine – they were doing the same things over and over again: cleaning the hospital, sorting supplies and meds, killing time playing cards or simply chatting. Ben and Miguel were the ones to leave the hospital during these lazy days, explaining that they couldn’t do the other way. Apparently, just relaxing and doing nothing all day wasn’t exactly for them. Nick, too, was familiar with that feeling, restlessness and the need to keep moving, running, searching. But now, he was not willing to do so, preferring to stay home with Troy instead, even if they were doing nothing important. The group had supplies for months, and were left with no need to go ‘’hunting’’. Although Nick was satisfied with what he had, an odd fear that he could get used to this was crawling through his mind, distracting his peacefulness and inner tranquility. With a safe shelter and real bed, food and water, he could really adapt to that luxury, and that would lead to something terrible. Because he knew perfectly that if you stop fighting, you die. That simple. And now of all times, he certainly wasn’t planning to go suicidal. He had a strong reason for that and that reason was now sitting next to him, putting the parts of some old wooden counter they’d broken into pieces inside the stove.

Ben and Miguel had returned that morning, dragging some packets of rice they’d found. Now, that they had the stove and the opportunity to cook, rice was one of the best options, considering how long it can last. So Ben and Miguel hit the jackpot at the store, bringing home some untouched packs of magic food. The water had been already boiling - Camila and Elena were cooking a big pot of rice. The two woman were sitting not so far from Nick and Troy, chatting quietly while waiting for the meal to be ready. The others were gathered around the table in the waiting room, their high-pitched voices distant and unclear for Nick’s ears. However, he was aware of what the main topic of conversation was, he’d been forced to listen to the discussion about this issue for two days. Sam was suggesting to search for people again, Benjamin arguing, none of them wanting to give up - nothing new and surprising. Nick had chosen not to involve himself in that conversation, especially when Ben was in a bad mood (or a bit more grumpy than usual). The boy was acting the same way he’d act with his father - staying away when noticing these empty eyes. Benjamin, too, looked like he wasn’t capable of much emotion at all, or he was merely too tired to show his feelings. No matter what the reason was, Nick found himself avoiding the man every time he had an opportunity. He even developed a tendency not to appear near Ben, if he wasn’t extremely needed, or if the men weren’t planning a run together. He wasn’t sure why himself, the boy felt uncomfortable and uneasy when those judgmental green eyes were staring at him, as if they could see through Nick’s soul.

“You alright?” – Troy’s quiet voice forced him out of his thought. Nick looked up from the flame dancing around the wood piece, devouring it and turning into ashes.

Troy was gazing at him with concern look, running his piercing blue eyes over Nick. Those eyes were filled with concern and tenderness, like he was gazing at some peace of art in a state of awe. And yet, he wouldn’t touch him. They hadn’t even kissed after that day, when Troy let him closer at the cabin. Nick wanted to, there wasn’t a second he wouldn’t wish to touch those lips again, but his friend was still somehow unsure and distant when it came to physical contact. Nick had tried to kiss him the previous night, after saying goodnight, but Troy slightly moved his head back, causing the younger boy to blink. Maybe that was because of the other people around them, maybe Troy was being uncomfortable or not ready to show his feelings while someone else was watching. Nick hadn’t asked, deciding to give him some time and space, whatever. Whatever his friend was in need of, the boy would give it to him without hesitation. Rather than do something to accidentally scare him or push him away, Nick had decided to wait.

“I’m fine.”

Troy studied his face. He looked similar to an annoyed doctor listening to his patient diagnosing his own medical problem. The boys had been sitting on the floor in one of these empty rooms on the first floor. They’d decided to place the stove there, with a pipe put through the open window, so that the smoke and exhaust would vent outside, in the yard. The voices coming from the waiting room now sounded louder and clearer, as Nick was forced to stop daydreaming, and he suddenly felt like a little kid, wanting to hold his ears to block the noise of his parents’ fighting. The boy wrapped his arms around his legs and let his chin rest on his knees, staring at the fire again.

“You feeling… down?”

“Nah, just tired.”

“Couldn’t sleep last night?”

Nick glanced at the boy from the corner of his eye, noticing him staring, examining again.

“Three or four hours, in general. Not completely sure though.”

Troy’s stubborn gaze was spreading much more heat than the stove in front of them. Nick exhaled through his nose and tried to ignore the burning sensation. He couldn’t deal with this ‘’silent treatment’’ anymore, he wanted to say so many things to his friend, do so many things to him… Nick was feeling like he could explode any minute, with all these emotions building inside of him like a volcano.

“Get some rest then, you look like shit.”

“Thanks,” – Nick glanced at him without turning his head – “you sure know how to raise my spirit.”

“I mean it, Nick,” – He raised his brows – “you wanna get sick or something?”

“You worried about me?”

Nick’s playful smile disappeared immediately after meeting those eyes full of tenderness. It was bizarre and even a bit scary, how worried Troy would seem sometimes, when the same exact person could simply turn around, avoiding Nick’s eyes and lips, as if the boy didn’t matter to him.

“I’m not gonna die, my body’s too strong for some weird reasons. I should’ve been dead million times by now.”

Troy snorted and studied his face with a shake of his head.

“Come on, I’ll accompany you to your room.”

“That sounds really romantic, but I have to refuse,” – The younger boy remarked with a smirk –“I’m not sleepy.”

As Troy opened his mouth to protest again, Camila stood up from the bed to finally take the pot away from the stove. Sam appeared near the open door almost immediately, gasping in surprise when noticing the boys sitting in the dark corner of the room.

“That’s where you are, lovebirds!”

Nick winced, forced to raise his head this time. Sam was grinning from ear to ear, as if she had no idea what she’d just said, as if it was totally okay to speak this way with Troy around.

“I’ve been looking for you two” – She continued, approaching them.

Nick dared to glance at Troy and found him frowned.

“Dinner’s ready, for those who are interested” – Camila announced with a smile and turned her back to them, taking the pot of rice with her and heading towards the waiting room.

Troy hung his head, leaning on his palms and getting up.

“I’m gonna go, shower. I’ll be back soon” – He said as if only for Nick and passed through Samantha like she wasn’t even in the same room. When the boy reached the open door, he stopped and without even turning around, added – “eat something.”

With that, he left the room, disappearing from the sight. Nick listened to the quiet sound of Troy’s footsteps, until the first floor corridor got deafened with Elias’s laughter coming from the waiting room.

Sam exhaled deeply and sat herself next to Nick, staring at the fire.

“Is he still being a jerk?” – She whispered.

The boy let out a quiet chuckle.

“Kind of.”

“He hates me!” – The girl noticed and Nick looked at her, studying her large brown eyes in the dim light – “How do you deal with him, I couldn’t do that.”

Nick mirrored her smile, shaking his head in disagreement.

“He doesn’t hate you, he’s just not too good with expressing emotions.”

“He’s pretty good with expressing _negative_ emotions” – Samantha argued and Nick’s grin widened.

“Troy’s actually very soft and kind, and you can notice that if you know where to look.”

Sam’s face suddenly turned tense, and it wasn’t hard to notice that the girl was trying her best not smile. She failed and burst out laughing.

“Shut up, he’s even worse than Ben!” – Samantha said while giggling and lightly hit Nick’s shoulder – “You just see him that way because you love him.”

And that ‘’love him’’ hit Nick’s heart like a lightning, and he felt cold shivers running through his whole body, even though he was almost hugging the stove. The boy shifted his gaze back to the fire that was already extinguishing without any oxygen inside. The group couldn’t waste anything more, than it was necessary, and they wouldn’t want to draw attention of anyone or anything passing near the hospital either. The trail of smoke wasn’t noticeable and it wasn’t leaving the yard, but still, better safe than sorry. That’s why, after finishing cooking the meal, the fire had been put out.

And that word, love, repeated in his racing mind again and again, as Nick kept staring down at that red demon, struggling and slashing against the walls, eventually going silent and taking its last breath. When the wood was fully burned and turned into ashes, the complete silence that filled the small room started to hurt Nick’s ears. Sam stood up, causing the boy to look up at her.

“Let’s go, eat dinner” – She smiled at him genuinely, nodding her head towards the door. Nick’s body suddenly felt too heavy and he wished he could stay sitting there silent for some time, left alone with his thoughts. However, being rude and miss the dinner was not exactly the best option. He didn’t want to be alone either, the boy realized instantly. Not now, when he was surrounded by people he cared about. And they, too, cared about him. Intense torments of solitude had always been oddly enjoyable for Nick, and he loved being in agony. Maybe he felt this way because of his addiction, or maybe _that_ was one of the reasons he’d become a junkie. But now was not the right time to jump into that dark, cold hole and hide in there, Nick reminded himself, deciding that he wasn’t missing the feeling of feeling nothing at all. More than that, the sensation was even frightening him, now, that he had the reason to be awake.

He got up and they left the dark, silent room to join the others. They headed towards the sounds of laughter and Nick slowly started to clearly distinguish each and every voice. Those people around him were now part of his reality and the boy realized that he had everything and even more than he deserved. Nick knew that only fools are afraid of gaining something in fear of losing it. He also knew that nothing is permanent, everything could have been taken away from him any minute, especially in that new world. And yet, it was worth it. He wasn’t going to stop fighting and protecting his loved ones until his very last breath.

 

 

They’d set a candle-lit dinner, the scent of lavender filling the air of the living room and turning Nick pleasantly dizzy. There was also the smell of delicious food the women had cooked, making his mouth water. Everything seemed perfect and Nick tried to ignore all negative thoughts, concentrating on the present moment instead. Troy was also there, tossing back the damp, messy curls from his forehead time to time. He was sitting in his own chair, next to Nick, eating his rice from a plastic plate. The main subject of the conversation turned out to be Camila’s experience working as a nurse in that same hospital. She was remembering about her patients, describing some of those especially complicated cases from her carrier. The tenderness on her face while she was talking about those people was amazing Nick, leaving him speechless with a genuine smile lingering on his lips. She looked like a mother who’d lost her children. You could have thought that Camila remembered each and every one of them, who had ever been in need of her help, every patient she’d taken care of. Her eyes were going darker with sorrow the memories were bringing back.

And there was Elias – it appeared that Nick hadn’t even known about _this_ side of the old man before. The first impression had been radically different from what he’d began to witness afterwards. This man and his energetic laughter was surprising the boy more and more with each passing day. Elias would use his hands while speaking way too often and it was even a bit irritating. Despite of this bad habit, he was funny and positive, so nobody was actually managing to get angry at him, not even when he was being a little vicious. He would start giggling without a specific reason and could easily be even more sarcastic and cruel than Troy sometimes. Now Elias was making fun of his best friend, not really caring that Ricardo was sitting next to him, hearing everything he was saying perfectly clear. Nick found himself grinning at the end, and got surprised when recognized the sound of his own laughter in that deafening symphony.

“I’ve always wanted to be an astronaut,” – Ricardo noticed, smiling nostalgically – “everybody wants to be an astronaut.”

The man’s confession was followed by Elias’s sarcastic snort once again, his voice raspy and unpleasant, yet familiar. Then it had started – The old man mocking and scoffing, making everybody laugh, even Ricardo himself.

Nick reached for his pocket and pulled out the pack of red ‘’Marlboro’’, immediately twitching in surprise when Troy grabbed at his wrist, taking advantage of Nick’s confusion and the fact that he couldn’t catch up to what happened. Suddenly Troy was the one holding the pack in his tight grip.

“What…” – Nick grasped and reached for Troy’s arm with his both hands.

“Enough cigarettes for you today, Nicky” – He teased, a little smirk lighting his face up.

Nick’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Come on, man, I wanna smoke” – He tried his luck with being nice, smiling softly and hoping it would work.

Troy shook his head playfully, hiding the fist with the pack behind his back.

“Troy…” – Nick warned quietly.

Nobody was actually paying attention to them, everyone was busy chattering and chuckling about something that seemed not so interesting for Nick anymore.

“Give me that, please!” – Nick almost begged this time, stretching his hands towards his friend who was now grinning, apparently satisfied with the sight.

“What’s the password?” – He asked in a low voice, still being ironic.

Nick’s smile disappeared without a sign of it. He’d heard these words before, he was damn sure. Troy had asked that same thing when Nick had been sweating and burning, stuck inside of that tiny metal box. That was an illusion, just his imagination going wild, in contrast with this exact moment. Now Troy was real, just like his smile and his voice. If Nick tried to reach his hand to touch him, he wouldn’t disappear. The boy felt his heart pounding fast all of a sudden, the sound of each and every beat echoing in his ears that started spinning. When he managed to concentrate on his friend again, what he saw was a completely different face expression. Troy wasn’t grinning anymore, instead he was eyeing Nick with suspicion, concern look of his face.

“Nick, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I… I just remembered something” – The boy replied with a shake of his head, a little smile appearing on his lips.

Troy rolled his eyes and hung his head, looking up at him again with annoyance.

“Here’re your cigarettes, softie. Just don’t start crying, or I’m gonna throw up.”

“Fuck you!” – Nick had said through clenched teeth before his face broke into a wide grin. He quickly reached for Troy’s stretched arm, grabbing at the pack of red ‘’Marlboro’’.

 

 

They left the waiting room, heading upstairs when it was already midnight. At least, that’s what Nick thought, he didn’t know the exact time. He was spent and drained but in a pleasurable and good way. Troy and Sam were walking up the stairs beside him, the girl talking about something, Nick wasn’t following her. He was nodding occasionally anyway, although he knew it was probably rude and impolite. But the boy could say in his defense that Samantha liked to talk too much sometimes, and it was hard to actually listen to everything she was saying. It didn’t necessarily mean that she was a chatterbox or annoying, she was simply full of vim and vigor, a bit too much energy for one person. So Nick kept smiling and nodding, as the girl talked and chuckled. Eventually, Samantha wished them goodnight and ‘’sweet dreams’’ when they reached the third floor and disappeared behind her door.

“She’s a damn energy vampire” – Troy noticed, raising his brows. Nick was right beside him and could distinguish his features in spite of the dim light.

The younger boy chuckled quietly, hushing him up. The walls were paper thin, especially at this hour.

“How dare you?” – Nick gasped with a fake rage, trying to keep his voice down – “She’s amazing!”

Troy eyed him curiously.

“She can’t stand me. Not that I like her either…”

Nick giggled, not minding about those thin walls anymore.

“What’s so funny?”

He merely replied with a shook of his head.

“And what’re you two always gossiping about, by the way?”

Nick looked up at him, meeting his eyes this time, trying to read the expression on his face. They were walking along the dark, silent corridor, heading towards their rooms.

“Why, are you jealous or something?”

Troy uttered a half-surprised laugh, slowing his pace down.

“I don’t even know what that word means.”

Nick was suddenly thankful for the darkness, his friend couldn’t notice his satisfied smile.

“Good” – He answered laconically.

Troy stopped abruptly, and Nick noticed that only after taking two more steps. He turned around to his friend and took those few steps toward him, now standing inches away from Troy who remained silent with his hands resting in his pockets.

“Seriously? You’re actually jealous of Sam?” – The boy whispered, desperately trying not to let out that giggle stuck in his throat.

“No. I just don’t like how she looks at me.”

“You don’t like how she looks at you...” – Nick repeated mockingly – “You’re just like a little kid.”

“Shut up.”

The younger boy chuckled then, not managing to resist and hold back.

“Oh, aren’t you precious?” – He murmured, noticing how Troy frowned. Nick figured he was slowly getting irritated or even offended, so he quickly decided not to give him any time. The younger boy pushed his friend against the cold wall, gently but hastily, and it was Troy’s time to look disconcerted. Nick enjoyed that quiet, soft gasp leaving his mouth and gazed at him with a hungry look. He watched as the older boy ran his eyes over the corridor, as if checking for someone hiding in the dark corner. That was it, Nick drew the conclusion that Troy was simply afraid someone from the group would notice them kissing, like they hadn’t been thinking the boys were a couple from the first week of their staying at the hospital.

“Chill out, man, nobody's  _spying_ on us,” – Nick teased, being ironic and enjoying it so much.

“That’s not what I…” – He started, pausing and exhaling, as if realizing his defeat.

“So that’s why you’ve been so cold” – Nick whispered, reaching to touch the warm skip of his neck, making him twitch a little.

“I wasn’t being cold, Nick, I just…” – He tensed suddenly and Nick could sense his nervousness.

“It’s okay,” – He murmured, interrupting whatever he was planning to say, even though he was pretty sure Troy was just arguing and denying without even having a proper reply prepared in his mind. The younger boy started caressing his neck with his thumb softly, finally moving his head and closing the space between them.

Troy inhaled deeply through his nose, responding but hesitantly. As Nick deepened the kiss, running his fingers through his hair, the younger boy heard a quiet groan and felt warm hands on his hips.

Nick was the one to break the kiss that had quickly become passionate and even demanding. After a few seconds, he somehow managed to remove his lips from that hot mouth, causing his friend to stare at him in surprise and some kind of disappointment. The younger boy reached for Troy’s hands resting on his hips and griped at his left arm, raising it up and opening the fist. The wound was almost completely healed thanks to Camila’s magic hands and kind heart, and the boy wasn’t even wearing bandages anymore. However, an ugly scar on his palm was still there, not planning to disappear, staying forever as a reminder. Even if Nick hadn’t properly thanked his friend for saving his life back there at the ranch without a slight hesitation, he _remembered_ everything. He knew that this scar was personally his fault, just like the other ones that were invisible, but yet there. Nick was aware that he couldn’t heal Troy, he couldn’t make his scars disappear, no matter how he wished for it. One thing he could do was to make his friend understand that he cared and appreciated. After gently caressing the smooth skin of Troy’s palm, he moved it closer to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on that scar.

“Nick?” – He gasped softly, clearly taken by surprise. But it was only for a second. After that, the boy inhaled deeply and his body noticeably relaxed, enjoying the touch and just a simple act of caring and tenderness.

He kissed his palm once again and carefully moved Troy’s hand down, finally meeting those large blue eyes. The next thing Troy did was unexpected and pleasantly surprising for Nick, and he blinked when feeling those long hands wrapped around him. The boy found himself pressed to Troy’s chest, his scent and the heat from his body suffocating him, hypnotizing and making it hard to breathe. He eventually managed to move his own hands, sliding them to rest on Troy’s back. They had stayed there in complete silence for seconds or minutes, Nick wasn’t sure, he’d lost the sense of time. Who cared about it anyway? They’d stayed there in the dark corridor for some time, warming each other and feeling each other’s beating hearts.

 

 

 


	20. Till Death Do Us Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here, the last chapter. Hope you'll like it! Sorry about the mistakes...  
> Enjoy! :3

Nick opened his eyes early in the morning, feeling fresh and energetic after a few hours of sleep. He’d actually managed to get some rest without even waking up in the middle of the night. The boy figured his body must have been really exhausted after those white nights spent in the dark. As he rose from the bed and took a quick glance out of the window, Nick noticed it was too early, everyone should have been asleep in their rooms. The boy quickly made up his mind to take his chance and use a bathroom while it was still vacant. But first, he decided to smoke a cigarette, while gazing out of the window. When he opened it, the morning wind greeted him, tickling his face pleasantly and blowing through those faded curtains. It was already dawn, a buried sun rising from the dead again and providing the room with light, painting those white walls yellow. Nick Lit up his cigarette and inhaled deeply, letting the cool air in his lungs together with the smoke.

After taking a shower, Nick headed towards his room to dry his hair properly with a towel around his neck, just to be interrupted by Troy. The door opened all of a sudden, when Nick was already entering his room. His friend must have heard the creaking sound and instantly appeared right next to the younger boy. Nick turned to face him, finding Troy looking him up and down with those piercing blue eyes.

Finally, after he made sure to carefully study all the parts of Nick’s body, making him slightly uncomfortable, Troy fixed his steady gaze on his brown eyes. Nick blinked, shaking his head and giving him a questioning look.

“Come in,” – Said the taller boy, nodding his head towards the open door – “I’m gonna help you with that.”

“With what?”

“You know… Your hair.” – He nodded his head slightly in the direction of Nick’s wet hair hung loosely over his shoulders.

Nick squinted at him, eyeing him suspiciously for a second, trying to figure out if he was being serious.

“Okay” – he murmured finally, closing the door of his room and following Troy inside.

Troy’s bed was unmade, dark blue blanket carelessly resting over those white sheets. Nick roamed his eyes around the room and sat himself down on that bed, glancing at his friend. Troy approached him and took his seat next to him, hesitantly reaching for a towel wrapped around Nick’s neck. The younger boy studied his face carefully while he wasn’t watching, in attempt to guess what he was actually trying to do there. Troy wasn’t a guy whom you could call attentive or caring, there were so many other words describing him better, most of them – negative ones. That’s why his sudden suggestion to help Nick with drying his hair took the younger boy by surprise. He decided not to ask though, he just curiously awaited for his friend’s next move.

“Turn” – Troy commanded, his voice low.

Nick unlaced his boots quickly and yanked them off. He then slowly turned around, lifting his body to make himself comfortable, and ended up sitting in cross-legged position on the messy bed. He then turned his head to glance at Troy who was also on the bed now, leaning on his knees behind the other boy. Suddenly Nick felt the soft touch of the layer, as Troy started to rub the towel through his wet hair.

“I like your hair” – He muttered under his breath, and if Nick hadn’t been sitting so close, he definitely would’ve missed it.

“I was thinking about cutting it.”

“Don’t!” – The boy from behind him replied laconically.

Troy silently continued his movements then, rubbing the small towel on Nick’s nape. The younger boy closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the sensation. His friend was being soft and careful while doing the job, as if he was afraid to hurt him, as if he was thinking that Nick was made of glass.

After a few seconds Nick had been closed-eyed and enjoying the moment, he suddenly felt a warm touch on his scalp. He opened his eyes when Troy’s fingers ran through his wet hair. Nick couldn’t control the shivers attacking his whole body, and the boy was suddenly aware he was covered with goosebumps. Troy simply continued what he was doing, apparently not noticing Nick’s reaction or not paying attention.

When the boy felt a warm breath on the back of his neck, he twitched slightly. As Troy placed a hot kiss on his nape, Nick almost started purring like a cat. He angled his head to give him better access and he did it without even realizing. Troy kissed him again and Nick exhaled sharply, deciding to turn his head to face his friend, but a strong hand forced him still. Troy wrapped his fingers around Nick’s nape, preventing him from moving.

“Stay still” – He breathed, his voice low and raspy.

Nick did what he was told. He could clearly hear and feel Troy’s deep, unsteady breathing on his neck, making him shiver, causing his heart to beat faster in anticipation. He hadn’t expected anything like this when he’d entered the room. Damned if he knew what Troy was really trying to do there behind him, but whatever it was, it was working.

Troy softly moved those long blond strands from Nick’s nape and kissed his smooth skin there, rubbing his nose over his neck. Nick heard him inhaling deeply, like something had been suffocating him before.

“Are you sniffing me?” – The younger boy asked quietly, feeling himself smiling faintly.

He didn’t answer, he just inhaled sharply once again, and with that his fingers moved to rest under his friend’s shirt. The older boy started caressing his lower back clumsily but softly, setting Nick’s heart racing.

“Troy…”

Whatever Nick had been trying or planning to say, he instantly forgot, because Troy grabbed at the thin fabric of his shirt and rapidly and roughly pulled it over his head. Nick blinked, not managing to comprehend what was going on. He couldn’t concentrate because now those warm lips were on his shoulder, placing hot but somehow still hesitant kisses there.

Nick swallowed hard in attempt to wet his throat that had went dry for some reason. He then inhaled deeply, feeling his whole body starting to burn and shake at the same time. The boy let out a quiet gasp as Troy’s both hands grabbed at his hips, and without even realizing how’d that happened, Nick suddenly found himself on his knees with another body pressing against him from behind. The younger boy shivered under his touch, as once again, his friend attacked his neck.

“Hey, Troy…”

“Shut up!” – His voice, now deep and raspy instantly cut him off. He pressed his right arm on Nick’s back and softly pushing him forward. As a result, the boy ended up leaning on his both palms, his body suddenly too heavy, or his arms too weak to hold it. Troy reached for his own shirt, quickly removing it and carelessly tossing it on the floor. Nick wanted to touch those muscles of his bare torso that were making his mouth water, so he arched his body, only to be held down by those strong arms again.

“Stay right there” – Troy warned, his voice low and harsh.

Nick nodded stupidly, as he felt Troy’s warm fingers on his back, tracing his spine and slowly moving down to rest on his waist. The older boy softly ran his both thumbs on Nick’s hips, then squeezed a little. After a second those fingers were moved away from Nick’s tense back and the boy considered to protest. But again, he wasn’t given time to say anything, he heard Troy removing his own belt, the action followed by a zipper opening sound.

“Fuck…” – Nick breathed out after turning his face to look at him, noticing the bulge through his tight jeans from the Bazaar.

When Troy felt his gaze, he left his fly alone, reaching for Nick’s pants instead. With the younger boy not managing to catch up with him, he was still the one to grunt. Troy’s fingers moved in a way like he was a damn expert at this whole thing, while Nick suddenly felt himself more like an innocent virgin, completely left at his friend’s mercy.

He got rid of the rest of Nick’s clothes in no time, throwing them away and reaching for his own jeans again. Nick was still silently leaning on his palms, his vision blurry with excitement and anticipation, his head spinning pleasantly. After tossing his pants and gray boxers away, Troy leaned forward, moving even closer to the younger boy. Nick held his breath, trying to calm himself down. He failed when turned his head again and saw Troy spitting on his palm and starting stroking his dick slowly. The boy looked down at him, his mouth slightly open, his eyes no longer blue but blackened with lust. Nick felt those familiar electric shivers running down his spine and unexplainable tickles in his stomach. Troy held his gaze while giving his now hard dick a few strokes, then arched his body forward. He pulled on Nick’s hair tight and the younger boy gasped, feeling his heart pounding hard against his chest.

“Wait! Listen…” – Nick managed to blurt out, breathing deeply.

Troy froze, his one hand resting on Nick’s hip.

“You gotta… use your fingers first” – The younger boy succeeded to babble and peeked over his shoulder to look at his friend.

“What?”

“Your fingers…” – Nick repeated in a low voice, anticipation and impatience almost unbearable now – “Put them up my…”

“Why?” – Troy interrupted, squinting his eyes.

“’Cause I haven’t done this for a long time. It’s gonna hurt.”

His friend frowned, looking concerned and suspicious suddenly, his long fingers still wrapped around his dick. The sight was setting Nick’s nerves on fire and his mouth was going watery. When he looked up again, fixing his gaze on Troy’s face, he found the same confused expression on it. Nick felt the need to explain, although he was finding it hard to speak at that point.

“It’s okay, it always hurts a bit. But if you do it with your fingers first…” – The boy exhaled and shook his head slightly. It could easily have been that Troy simply wasn’t thrilled and excited by his suggestion. If so, his reaction was completely understandable, given his complex nature. Nick momentarily regretted his request, deciding his friend was not going to understand, or maybe even freak out – “It’s okay, I’ll do it.”

“No,” – Troy answered, his voice firm - “you stay where you are, it’s my turn now…”

Nick opened his mouth to ask what exactly he was talking about, instantly forgetting what he was going to say himself, when the older boy grabbed at his hips again. He turned his face to look at him, noticing Troy staring back. He moved his right hand up against Nick’s mouth.

“Lick it” – He commended quietly. The further explanation wasn’t needed, Nick opened his mouth, capturing those long fingers, sucking and wetting them, never breaking the eye contact with his friend. He was staring back with a hungry look, eyes narrowed, pupils dilated. When Nick released his fingers, Troy forced the boy’s legs open a bit wider with his knees. Nick obeyed silently, turning around and making himself more comfortable on his palms that were too weak and shaky with excitement.

He was groaning and moaning in no time, when those long fingers began to move inside him. Nick was trying his best to control the noises leaving his throat, even though it appeared to be harder than he’d thought it would be. Troy hadn’t spent too much time on preparing him though. At first he started slowly, his moves hesitant and unsure, but after hearing those desperate sounds leaving the younger boy’s open mouth, he evidently got encouraged, moving fingers up his warmth with more force.

When Nick felt something hard brushing between his butt checks, rubbing against his hole, he grunted and shivered violently. Troy’s one hand grabbed the younger boy’s hip again to hold him in place. He used his other hand to position his dick against Nick.

“Go slow…” – Nick whispered, surprised himself he managed to utter something comprehensible. His mind was a mess and his body was shuddering with desire.

Troy pushed forward without warning or spending more time, but at least he considered the other boy’s request. He entered him slowly, still, Nick almost fainted. He bit his lip hard to prevent himself from screaming. Intense pain was making him want to swear loudly but he somehow succeeded to stop himself from doing that. The sound of his own heartbeat started echoing in his ears.

When he was fully inside, Troy sighed.

“You alright?” – He asked with a raspy voice.

“Yeah… Just give me a second.”

Nick opened his mouth and breathed in deeply, encouraging himself and trying to ignore the bitter pain burning his insides. After a few inhales and exhales, he shook his head finally, giving the permission to move without a word.

The next thing Nick felt was Troy’s dick slowly sliding out from him. He wanted to turn his face to look at the older boy but he couldn’t. His head was dropped and his eyes were shut, Troy’s both hands wrapped around his waist preventing him from falling down on those firm mattresses. Nick’s palms were gone numb by then. However, he was still helplessly leaning on them.

After slowly moving out, Troy grinded his hips forward again with a quiet exhale of air. Nick clutched at that mess of sheets and blankets under him, biting his lip again. He could feel Troy’s fingers squeezing the smooth skin of his waist and he was sure there were going to be bruises. Nick dared to think he could manage to hold back a sob but it escaped his throat when Troy started rocking in him again, this time with a little more force.

“You’re… tight. I can barely move, why’re you so tight?” – He asked while drawing his hands over his buttocks.

“What did you expect?” – Nick panted, his voice shaky and weak – “I’ve told you, it’s been a while.”

“You in pain?”

“Yeah, but it’s bearable” – He replied and turned his head to look at him.

“Want me to stop?” – Troy asked, his eyes large and innocent but still dark with lust. Nick couldn’t manage to understand how he could do that innocent look of a little kid. Damn him, he was too aroused to be thinking about Troy’s face expressions now.

“No, just… It’s okay, it’s gonna get better soon” – Nick managed to explain.

“Alright” – Troy shrugged and thrust inside Nick so unexpectedly and quickly that the younger boy was unable to hold back a surprised moan that escaped his mouth. He turned his face to the wall and hung his head, the light pain in his palms now turned into disturbing. He managed to move them and was leaning on his elbows after a second, shivering and panting under Troy’s thrusts slowly becoming harder, the boy sinking deeper in him. Nick bit down on his own arm, as his chest felt about to explode.

Then Troy suddenly slowed down, probably in attempt to position himself better. However, the other boy didn’t let him do whatever he was going to. When Nick felt that rigid length sliding out, he unconsciously pushed back at him.

“Fuck! Nick…”

When hearing the result of his action, encouraged and inspired, Nick did it again. He arched his body and pushed back, swallowing Troy’s dick, feeling those long fingers gripping his hips harder, and then sliding down to his butt checks. The younger boy began to crush his body over his friend, while Troy continued grinding his hips from behind.

“Oh, God!” – Nick cried out as the older boy’s thrusts became harder, and finally lost his strength in his hands. Now Troy’s fingers on his hips and his dick inside him were the only force preventing Nick from collapsing onto the bed.

“Thought you were an atheist” – Troy purred quietly. His breathing deep and unsteady.

Even if he managed to find appropriate answer, Nick wouldn’t be able to reply. His head was a mess while his body was completely controlled by Troy. With each thrust, Nick was hearing more and more of his own moans and stones.

“You’re too loud, Nicky.”

“Try being on my place” – He muttered, gasping for air, his words turning into a long moan after another thrust.

“You wish” – Troy mocked – “Feels better now?” – He asked then and Nick could _hear_ him smiling.

Troy’s one arm left Nick’s waist and he felt the skin burning where his fingers had been resting. Nick wanted to look back to see his face but every time he tried to do so, he found no strength to move. He was also hard, leaking on those messy sheets, and was planning to somehow lift his body up to take care of his painfully hard dick any minute now. The boy silently decided to gain control over the situation, but thinking about it appeared to be easy, while it was harder to act. Nick was burning with desire, pleasant chills traveling every inch of his body, but it felt somehow different from how it had been with the other people he’d been with. The unnamed feeling that was too strong and fascinating to be true appeared like a giant wave and Nick was suddenly convinced that everything else had been just a joke. He’d never felt this way before. The boy was surprised himself how much he was enjoying the odd, chaotic pace Troy was creating. He wanted him so bad, he was willing to accept anything his friend could have been planning to give him. And that thought was also distracted by another hard thrust, as Troy buried himself deep inside of Nick. He pulled out slightly only to push again and with more force, his other hand returning to grab the younger boy’s hip.

Troy was rocking back and forth and Nick was able to hear his quiet, small groans time to time, together with those moans of pain and pleasure leaving his own open mouth. The boy was now pushing and grinding even harder, his friend verbally responding to each and every move Troy made. Nick somehow managed to slightly rise his body up and lean on his elbow, finally reaching to touch his throbbing cock.

“Fuck…” – The boy moaned in delight and intense pleasure, as he started to stroke himself slowly.

Right after shifting his body up, Nick felt the touch of long fingers running through his hair, still making him shudder, affecting him as though it was the first time he was feeling the warmth of those arms.

“What’re you doing there?” – Troy whispered, not slowing his steady rhythm.

“What you think?” – He breathed – “Touching myself.”

His reply was followed by Troy’s deep groan from his throat and another hard thrust that made Nick’s whole body shiver violently. All of a sudden those fingers plunged into his long hair again, now dripping with sweat, and pulled hard. Troy forced him to toss his head back as he leaned against the younger boy and attacking his neck again, sinking his teeth and biting it hard.

Nick whimpered, failing to control the voices leaving his mouth, and started to stoke his dick a bit faster, feeling himself overwhelmed and dizzy. Each quiet, restrained groan that was leaving Troy’s lips was making him twitch and shiver helplessly, each moan sounding in Nick’s ear like a lullaby. Troy’s fingers started to roam over his friend’s back again, stopping at his waist and gripping tightly at the same spot. Damn if Nick cared about the bruises that were definitely going to appear on his body, he was feeling million times better than he’d ever felt while being high.

Troy’s pace slowly started to become erratic. Nick could feel his friend’s body tremble, while those grunts turned into uncontrollable moans, yet quiet and deep. Nick, too, quickened his moves, now stroking his dick as fast as his heart was pounding in his chest. Troy’s thrusts became unsteady and frantic, and without even warning, he released inside Nick, letting out a deep cry of intense pleasure. The sound went right into Nick’s dick and he shut his eyes, coming after a few short quick strokes. With that, he let go of his penis, leaning on his elbows and panting.

Troy’s fingers were still crunched into Nick’s hipbones, holding him still with force. When he finally managed to take a few deep breathes and exhaled sharply, he slowly let go of the boy’s body. Nick leaned forwards, letting himself to finally fall onto those sheets. His face was now buried in Troy’s white pillow which smelled like _him_. Nick inhaled deeply, letting his lungs fill with that scent. Then he slowly turned around to finally see his friend’s face expression. Troy was done cleaning himself with the blanket, pulling his pants up and putting the belt back on. With great effort Nick sat up on the bed, as Troy reached to hand him his clothes. The younger boy wiped his hand on that same blanket and pulled his boxers on without standing up from the bed. They wouldn’t be able to give those sheets to Elena for washing this time, Nick decided and smiled to himself.

After putting his shirt on, Troy looked down at his friend with those same deep blue eyes. They were both panting, still not managing to catch their breath. Nick met his eyes, studying him silently. The older boy was sitting on the end of the bed on his knees, his blond hair messy and his chest rising and falling rapidly.

“This was the best sex I’ve ever had” – The younger boy murmured finally, causing his friend to narrow his eyes in suspicion.

“Yeah, right.”

“I swear, I’ve never felt so fucking good.”

The older boy ducked his head as if he was being shy or ashamed, then looked up again. Nick patiently waited for his answer, wanting to know if he’d also felt the same way. He was pretty sure Troy had enjoyed it just as much as Nick himself, but he still wanted to hear it from his lips.

Eventually, the boy fixed his gaze on the white wall, his face turning stern suddenly.

“I hurt you, didn’t I?”

That was something Nick hadn’t been expecting, and he blinked. After a short silence, the boy furrowed his brows and raised his head, leaning on his elbows.

“It always hurts at first, but then I enjoyed it” – He tried to explain, not completely sure how to make him understand.

Troy ran his fingers through his messy curls, shaking his head slightly.

“I… I couldn’t control myself when you were like that, making those sounds and... I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just…”

“Hey! Hey, look…” – Nick moved his body to straighten himself up, although it was still heavy and shaky – “You didn’t hurt me, I _loved_ it! I’m telling you, I liked everything.”

Troy finally focused his gaze back at his friend who, too, was now on his knees and inches away from him. The older boy studied his eyes carefully for a few seconds, then exhaled deeply and nodded.

“Me too.”

Nick smiled at him.

“Besides, I would’ve stopped you if I didn’t like it.”

“Right, like you could actually do that – lying there and moaning like a chick” – Troy teased, seeing his smirk making Nick feel even better suddenly – “for the whole building to hear.

The younger boy grinned and shook his head.

“Shut up!”

“I won’t be surprised if the horde appears somewhere from the wilderness, attracted by the sounds of your whimpering.”

Nick abruptly moved his head forward, capturing those lips and catching Troy by surprise. The younger boy placed his hand on his jaw, pulling him into a deep, passionate kiss. When they broke apart, he followed the movement of Troy’s eyelashes with his gaze. The boy opened his eyes and stared at Nick, his swollen lips breaking into a slight smile.

“Do me a favor,” – Nick asked, his thumb slowly caressing the warm skin of Troy’s neck – “grab the cigarettes from my room, they’re on a counter. I’m pretty sure my knees will go weak if I try to walk for the next few hours, at least.”

Troy frowned suddenly, his concerned look back, his wide eyes staring at Nick in fear.

“Calm down,” – Nick couldn’t hold the smile while seeing that expression – “it’s completely normal, Troy, I promise.”

The older boy’s face turned from worried into annoyed and he shook his head, standing up from the bed and reaching for the door. Nick’s gaze followed him, as he finally returned into a horizontal position, letting his head rest on a pillow that smelled like Troy.

 

 

After a few minutes Nick and Troy were lying next to each other onto that mess of sheets and blankets, facing the ceiling. Their shoulders were touching, the size of the bed preventing the boys from moving. Nevertheless, Nick felt comfortable, feeling the warmth of his friend’s body pressing beside him radiating through his skin. He was smoking, using his little mug as an ashtray, resting on his stomach. Troy brought it together with the pack of cigarettes from the younger boy’s counter.

“Fuck, now I need to shower _again_.”

Nick noticed him turning his head from the corner of his eye.

“Nah, you’re staying here, Nicky.”

“Alright, I’ll stay here if you bring me breakfast in bed” – Nick joked, pulling on his cigarette and blowing the smoke at him. Troy coughed and lightly hit him with his shoulder, making the younger boy grin widely – “I’ll be joining Miguel and Ben on a next run, I’m tired of lying and relaxing.”

Nick felt his intense gaze and turned to look at him.

“Whatever… But you’re not going anywhere without me.”

As Nick was done with his cigarette, he moved the mug away, placing it on a counter. They had remained silent for a few minutes, just staring up at the ceiling, sunbeams crawling from the window and painting that white room yellow.

“So, I've been thinking…”

“Yeah?”

Troy exhaled, as if gaining the courage to speak up.

“I'm not into guys.”

Nick turned his head to look at him, finding those large blue eyes staring back. He felt his heart skipping a beat and he raised his eyebrows, waiting for an explanation of what the hell his friend was talking about.

“But I don’t like girls either,” – Troy turned his face to the ceiling again – “it’s only you. I… I just like _you_.”

It took a few seconds for Nick to process the information. His heart that seemed to stop these few second ago, continued pounding so loud and fast that Nick became overly aware of his heartbeat. The boy found himself smiling at the sight of Troy who seemed like he was not daring to meet his eyes.

“You’re in love with me” – He whispered and these words forced his friend to finally shift his gaze from the ceiling to Nick again. His eyes were wide, roaming over the younger boy’s face.

“I’ve never really loved anyone. I don’t… I’m not sure what it feels like to…” – He replied in a low voice, still looking somehow shy, reminding Nick of a little kid once again.

“But you love me” – Nick whispered and raised his head to look down at him, leaning on his elbows – “You don’t even have to say it out loud, I don’t need to hear it,” – He continued, raising his upper body and placing his one palm near Troy’s head – “I know it’s new for you and I know it’s hard, but you’re not forced to say or do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Troy shook his head finally, holding his gaze.

Nick leaned down slowly, placing a soft kiss on those lips he adored. And they responded. Troy’s warm fingers slid to rest on the younger boy’s neck, dragging him closer like he was afraid Nick could disappear or run away.

“Yeah, you may be right,” – Troy whispered – “I do have a deep attachment to you.”

Nick smiled near his lips, catching them one more time and pulling the boy into a deep kiss. And he responded again, with no hesitation or fear - his warm breath tickling the younger boy’s checks, his long fingers wrapped around his neck.

“I know, you do.”

After breaking the kiss, Nick returned to his lying position – their shoulders touching, both of them facing the ceiling. It was quiet and cozy, that little room and that little bed, a bit too small for two people. The day had started so well for Nick, and as he knew nothing was permanent, he wasn’t going to miss the opportunity of spending as much time with Troy as possible. He was going to create more moments like this and these special seconds would feel like forever.

“You know, I liked wandering among the dead because I felt myself just like one of them,” – Nick broke the comfortable silence, feeling his friend’s gaze like a warm wave of light spreading over him, burning him pleasantly – “but now I don’t feel that way anymore, I feel more _alive_ than ever.”

“Yeah, and I’ll make sure you stay that way” – Troy remarked with a playful smirk.

“You are the reason I feel so alive,” – Nick turned his head to him, examining features of his face. He studied those eyes, seeing his own reflection in them – “This place can collapse one day, just like the other shelters I've been to. But we’re not gonna die until we stay together. You’re not dying ‘cause I’m not dying, right?”

A little smile crossed Troy’s lips and Nick felt his warm breath on his checks as he spoke.

“Huh, Nicky, you saved me so many times, you’re not getting rid of me so easily now.”

“So, is that yes?”

“Yeah. I’m not dying till you’re alive.”

Troy confirmed and Nick nodded, mirroring his smile. They were lying side by side, so close that they were breathing each other’s breaths and feeling each other's warmth. It felt comfortable and real – the bed that was too small for both of them, sunbeams crawling into the room and giving those white walls the color, closeness and just silence they were sharing. There was definitely such thing as silence of love, and it was a powerful thing. Nick felt like he’d found home he’d never had. As the hospital was waking up slowly and another day was starting, nobody could know for sure what was awaiting them. But the sun was still shining down on those ruins of civilization, like a hope that never dies. Nick was ready to get up and fight, no matter what was threatening, he’d win against anything, now that he had the reason to stay awake. That reason was right there, not leaving his side, staring at him like Nick was some kind of piece of art. Troy’s eyes were deep blue like the clear sky and Nick could see his own reflection in them. Now that he had something to fight for, he was going to protect it with his life. Like he’d always done, in fact, from the very beginning. And Troy would do the same, Nick was certain.

He was ready to get up and start breathing again, now that he’d found something to rely on. Now, in that new world Nick was finally ready to start living once again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, it's been a great pleasure writing this story. Hope you enjoyed reading as well! ^_^


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